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Old February 12th, 2008, 12:25 PM
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Being judgemental

When I was off of the road for a week I stayed with my best friend. We do this about once a yr just to catch up. While I was there I was telling her about things that had been going on in my life and the lives of my family that's hard to talk about on the phone.

I told her about my former BIL (he and my Sis divorced in Dec) getting married again. I told her what I thought about that. (I don't like it, my sis hurt him alot and I think he needs time to heal but I'd never tell him how I felt about it) We made a trip to Wally world. One of my pet pevees is people leaving shopping carts all over the parking lot. We get to wally world and I get a little ticked because there are some many shopping carts around we have trouble finding a spot that doesn't have a cart in it. She said I was being judgemental because those ppl might be to old or sick or pregnant to take a cart back. These are just two examples but every time I stated how I felt about something she'd say I was being to judgemental.

This has bothered me all week. Am I to judgemental? Is it judgemental to express an opinion about a family member that you only want the best for? Former BIL is still family, maybe not legally but emotionally, to every member of my family. (well, maybe not sis, but she knows how we feel) As for shopping carts, I doubt there were 60 old, sick or pregnant ppl there that couldn't take their carts 20 feet to the cart holder.

I just hate the thought that someone, especially my BF, thinks that I'm judgemental. So, what do you think?
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Old February 12th, 2008, 12:33 PM
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Re: Being judgemental

I think your friend was being judgmental.

We all need to talk and a safe place to vent. Maybe, because you were with your BF, you were doing a lot of venting and she didn't recognize it for what it was?
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  #3  
Old February 12th, 2008, 01:27 PM
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Re: Being judgemental

Sometimes it is how you say it. Sometimes it is just that we vent too many things in a short time frame, sometimes our friends are having a bad day and they just don't want to hear our shizit and sometimes we probably are being judgmental.

So, let it go and forgetaboutit.
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Old February 12th, 2008, 02:12 PM
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Re: Being judgemental

Quote:
Originally Posted by Becca View Post
When I was off of the road for a week I stayed with my best friend. We do this about once a yr just to catch up. While I was there I was telling her about things that had been going on in my life and the lives of my family that's hard to talk about on the phone.

I told her about my former BIL (he and my Sis divorced in Dec) getting married again. I told her what I thought about that. (I don't like it, my sis hurt him alot and I think he needs time to heal but I'd never tell him how I felt about it) We made a trip to Wally world. One of my pet pevees is people leaving shopping carts all over the parking lot. We get to wally world and I get a little ticked because there are some many shopping carts around we have trouble finding a spot that doesn't have a cart in it. She said I was being judgemental because those ppl might be to old or sick or pregnant to take a cart back. These are just two examples but every time I stated how I felt about something she'd say I was being to judgemental.

This has bothered me all week. Am I to judgemental? Is it judgemental to express an opinion about a family member that you only want the best for? Former BIL is still family, maybe not legally but emotionally, to every member of my family. (well, maybe not sis, but she knows how we feel) As for shopping carts, I doubt there were 60 old, sick or pregnant ppl there that couldn't take their carts 20 feet to the cart holder.

I just hate the thought that someone, especially my BF, thinks that I'm judgemental. So, what do you think?
You don't come across as judgmental here. Is she the passive aggressive sort? Maybe there was something else she wanted to do or talk about but wasn't be direct with it. I don't know. Don't put too much weight on my opinion.

It does sound like she was being judgmental of you for whatever reason. How did the other aspects of the visit go?
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Old February 12th, 2008, 03:52 PM
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Re: Being judgemental

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Originally Posted by nonnymouse View Post
You don't come across as judgmental here. Is she the passive aggressive sort? Maybe there was something else she wanted to do or talk about but wasn't be direct with it. I don't know. Don't put too much weight on my opinion.

It does sound like she was being judgmental of you for whatever reason. How did the other aspects of the visit go?
We usually agree on just about everything, that's what was so surprising. The only thing I can think of is that she's an insurance agent and DH and I are buying a house in the summer and she tried to sale us mortgage insurance. DH told her we didn't need it now, talk to us again in the summer. But surely she could see where he was coming from. I don't know maybe she was just having an off week. She does have 5 kids, I can see where she would have an off week. She said DH and I should go in with them and all buy a house together because she needs an extra mom around.
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Old February 12th, 2008, 05:20 PM
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Re: Being judgemental

If she needs the commission from a mortgage policy then things are REALLY bad. I doubt that is it.

Just forget it and chalk it up to a bad day.
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Old February 12th, 2008, 06:41 PM
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Re: Being judgemental

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Just forget it and chalk it up to a bad day.
I agree, just forget it. If next time you talk to her and nothing seems off, just move on. Everybody has bad days.
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Old February 12th, 2008, 09:14 PM
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Re: Being judgemental

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Originally Posted by Becca View Post
I just hate the thought that someone, especially my BF, thinks that I'm judgemental. So, what do you think?

You spelled judgmental wrong.



OKAY THAT WAS TOTALLY A JOKE! (and you didn't, btw... either spelling is acceptable. I only know because I have to look it up on a regular basis. ) I have a very weird sense of humor, in case you hadn't noticed.

I don't think you're judgmental at all Becca. I think what happens is that you (and I, and every human being) have frustrations/worries and we have people that we think care about us and our frustrations/worries, and we talk about our frustrations/worries to these people...

IMO your friend was just the wrong audience at the wrong time. She may have first-hand experience of something she doesn't want to tell you. She may have a friend or relative going through a similar experience. Or she may have a guilty conscience (with five kids, what is the likelihood that *she* returns the carts at Wal-Mart?! ).

She may have just developed that 'catch-phrase' (you're too judgmental) to avoid having to admit to herself that she's guilty too. I notice that I mostly consider people judgmental when they're right and I'm wrong, but I never stopped to consider the consequences of my actions.

I'm really sorry that it soured the visit for you.
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Old February 12th, 2008, 10:53 PM
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Cool Re: Being judgemental

I think she might have been having a pretty bad day too. I'm sure if she's been your friend for awhile she wouldn't have stayed friends with you or be having lunch with you if your personality was such a turn off to her. Like the PP said, everyone has a bad day.

However.....

If YOU think you are too judgemental then maybe it maybe time for a little introspection to see if that's maybe a quality you want to work on. Personally I think that being a BIT judgemental gives you a certain level of confidence of knowing what you want and knowing your expectations. And even though other people around you might find it annoying, there is absolutely nothing wrong if in your world you want the shopping carts back where you think they ought to be. I guess all I'm saying is that if you are jugemental and your friend was reacting, I don't think it's your judgemental trait she was reacting to. Or again, it might just be a bad day.
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