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Old May 25th, 2013, 07:39 PM
kittykittykitay kittykittykitay is offline
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Overbearing Sister-in-Law

My brother moved to Paris 6 months ago because his wife's mother has end stage cancer. I've been working a weekend job saving up to visit my brother since January of this year. We both don't speak French so my brother will be touring us around. I call my brother to tell him we are booking the tickets and hotel. My friend and I are staying for 10 days in October. My brother said his wife said it is not a good time for us to come. She just received news that her mother's cancer spread and I think doesn't have long to live.

We are staying in a hotel and we are not expecting his wife to entertain us. My brother said he is not stopping me but if my friend and I are coming, his wife will not be happy. I don't see how we are imposing, my brother will be touring us around, we won't even drop by their house or visit the wife because of her situation. A month ago she said it was ok to go, now after she learned we are booking tickets she said it is not a good time. I honestly think she doesn't want us to go to Paris. I don't understand how her situation although sad it may be has anything to do with us.

Do you think my sister-in-law is being unreasonable? if you were me, would you still book the tickets?
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Old May 25th, 2013, 08:40 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Overbearing Sister-in-Law

I would not book the tickets. I don't think she is being unreasonable. Your brother needs to be with his wife during this time.

You are not imposing on her directly, and you are being sensitive to her mother's illness by staying in a hotel. However, you do plan to take her spouse away from her when she needs his support.

If you do go, be sure to tell your brother than you will manage without him if need be. It would be pretty devastating for her if her mother were to pass and your brother was out touring with you somewhere instead of by her side.
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Old May 26th, 2013, 08:14 AM
kittykittykitay kittykittykitay is offline
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Re: Overbearing Sister-in-Law

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
I would not book the tickets. I don't think she is being unreasonable. Your brother needs to be with his wife during this time.

You are not imposing on her directly, and you are being sensitive to her mother's illness by staying in a hotel. However, you do plan to take her spouse away from her when she needs his support.

If you do go, be sure to tell your brother than you will manage without him if need be. It would be pretty devastating for her if her mother were to pass and your brother was out touring with you somewhere instead of by her side.
I just booked the trip yesterday

I figure, if my own brother (who is MY family) doesn't object to us going, then he is who I will listen to. I have worked overtime and weekends for months saving for this trip. Also, my friend had to bend over backwards rearranging her schedule.

My brother agreed to show us around our first few days to get our feet on the ground and the rest of our stay will be left to our own devices. All I'm asking is for 2-3 days from him. If his wife needs something, my brother won't be far away
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Old May 26th, 2013, 09:19 AM
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Re: Overbearing Sister-in-Law

Quote:
Originally Posted by kittykittykitay View Post
I just booked the trip yesterday

I figure, if my own brother (who is MY family) doesn't object to us going, then he is who I will listen to. I have worked overtime and weekends for months saving for this trip. Also, my friend had to bend over backwards rearranging her schedule.

My brother agreed to show us around our first few days to get our feet on the ground and the rest of our stay will be left to our own devices. All I'm asking is for 2-3 days from him. If his wife needs something, my brother won't be far away
Good luck to you. I hope you enjoy the trip, and I hope your brother is able to keep both you and his wife happy. I hope all of your overtime and savings and your friend's bending over backwards isn't ruined by your sister-in-law's mother dying.

Mostly, I hope you never have your (future) husband put HIS family ahead of your needs.
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Old May 26th, 2013, 09:23 AM
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Re: Overbearing Sister-in-Law

Quote:
Originally Posted by kittykittykitay View Post
I just booked the trip yesterday

I figure, if my own brother (who is MY family) doesn't object to us going, then he is who I will listen to. I have worked overtime and weekends for months saving for this trip. Also, my friend had to bend over backwards rearranging her schedule.

My brother agreed to show us around our first few days to get our feet on the ground and the rest of our stay will be left to our own devices. All I'm asking is for 2-3 days from him. If his wife needs something, my brother won't be far away
This is a very selfish way of looking at things. When someone is suffering with cancer, everyone in that family suffers. Your vacation does not take precedent, regardless of how long you saved or how your friend had to juggle her schedule.

But since you have decided to go anyway:

Having been to Paris myself with small children in tow and not knowing the language either, I know you don't need your DB to show you around. The city is very easily traveled by foot and by subway. There are tons of resources for travelers and the bus tours are a good way for first time visitors to decide where to go. It's a very safe city. Your local AAA even has a guidebook if you want more details. My advice: definitely go to the Arc de Triomphe and climb the stairs. Don't eat at the McDonald's on the Champs-Elysee. Visit the Mona Lisa in the Louvres and be in awe at how small she really is! Do go to Versailles and pay the extra money for your own private tour guide.

So you don't need your brother to show you around and you aren't being the overbearing SIL.

His wife does need him and his first duty is to her needs. You have no right to come between them by determining for them what is too "far away." Respect them and maybe they'll take you to dinner on a boat tour of the Seine River and you can take a pic of the prototype of the Statue of Liberty. Better yet, offer to take them and give your SIL a break from her sorrow.

Last edited by LucyVanPelt; May 26th, 2013 at 09:47 AM.
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Old May 26th, 2013, 10:55 AM
kittykittykitay kittykittykitay is offline
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Re: Overbearing Sister-in-Law

I am only asking for 2-3 days from him. My brother is away at work 8 hours, his wife doesn't need his support then. Does support mean being in her presence 24/7?

My brother said he will take vacation time from work so he can show us around during the day and be with his wife at night.

Thank you for your suggestion, I will definitely be visiting those places and I'm so excited! Been wanting to go to Paris for so long and now my dream is coming true!
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