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Old March 19th, 2013, 05:17 AM
sushma1987 sushma1987 is offline
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Unhappy I am fed up with my Parents and not understanding what to do

I am a 24 yr old girl.. In Childhood My mother used to beat me up badly if i don't do the things which she wants. My father never speaks up, neither he opens up and asks me what i wanted to do in life. I did not really got my parents love. But i never pointed fingers at them because in india most of the parents does so. I have finished my bachelors degree and working right now. I am an independent girl and have ambitions in life. I wanna become an investment banker. That's my passion. I started working because my parents cant afford any more for my studies. Now i saved money for my education and wanna study. But instead of encouraging me my parents are discouraging me badly. They are thinking that they are right...They are not even understanding what i am going through...I am getting stressed mentally..

My parents are pressurizing me for marriage. I am really fed up by arguing with my parents. They do not want to understand my point of view. They are forcing me to get marry. I am getting disturbed and not able to focus on any other things.

I cant accept their pressure any more. I wanna live my life. Why should i face all these to live my own life. I didn't have the right to live my own life as i wish? Please advice me. How to handle this situation. Please tell me how should i make them understand that my ambition is more important for me than my marriage right now.

Last edited by sushma1987; March 19th, 2013 at 06:09 AM.
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Old March 19th, 2013, 05:52 AM
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Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
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Re: I am fed up with my Parents and not understanding what to do

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Originally Posted by sushma1987 View Post
Please tell me how should i make them understand that my ambition is more important for me than my marriage right now.
You can't "make" a person understand anything they don't want to understand. However, you can "tell" people what your ambitions are and you can pursue those ambitions.

I know very little about your culture, but I'm certain you don't have to marry just because your parents want you to.

It appears you are paying for your own education now. So they can't hold that against you.

It's unfortunate you don't have the support of your parents, but you're not alone. Don't give up on your goals. Sometimes you just have to set aside the opinions and feelings of others, even family, to reach those goals.

Quote:
I cant accept their pressure any more...
Sure you can. You're going to have pressure and stress for decades to come. It just comes in different forms. How you deal with these problems and what you learn from them will make you stronger and wiser.

Quote:
I wanna live my life. Why should i face all these to live my own life. I didn't have the right to live my own life as i wish?
You're frustrated because your parents don't see things the way you do. That's okay though... you're a person. I'd feel the same way if I was your age. Do you have the right to live your own life? Well... You are aren't you? Are you going to get married because your parents want you to?

I wish you the best.
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Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
William W. Purkey

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Old March 19th, 2013, 09:53 AM
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Re: I am fed up with my Parents and not understanding what to do

Hi and welcome. Good on you for looking to your future.

I know lots and lots of people from India, many of whom adhere quite strongly to their culture. - When people migrate, they often gather as communities in their new country to feel comfortable, and tend to hold on to their old ways much more than if they had stayed at home.

No matter what you have been told, or what is normal in your family, it is NOT normal for mothers to beat their children, and from what i've seen, Indian fathers are particularly one eyed and protective of their daughters. Your situation seems pretty unusual.

Your parents have signed their own fate, and you are free to do what you want. You don't have to get married, you don't have to accept abuse.

Wishing you all the best, you sound great.
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Old March 20th, 2013, 01:57 AM
sushma1987 sushma1987 is offline
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Re: I am fed up with my Parents and not understanding what to do

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Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
You can't "make" a person understand anything they don't want to understand. However, you can "tell" people what your ambitions are and you can pursue those ambitions.

I know very little about your culture, but I'm certain you don't have to marry just because your parents want you to.

It appears you are paying for your own education now. So they can't hold that against you.

It's unfortunate you don't have the support of your parents, but you're not alone. Don't give up on your goals. Sometimes you just have to set aside the opinions and feelings of others, even family, to reach those goals.



Sure you can. You're going to have pressure and stress for decades to come. It just comes in different forms. How you deal with these problems and what you learn from them will make you stronger and wiser.



You're frustrated because your parents don't see things the way you do. That's okay though... you're a person. I'd feel the same way if I was your age. Do you have the right to live your own life? Well... You are aren't you? Are you going to get married because your parents want you to?

I wish you the best.


Thanks a lot for your words... I am feeling better now. They are making me to feel as though i am doing something wrong..... My Father started blackmailing me that he would die if i continue my aims without getting married. I clearly understood that they don't love me... If so they wouldn't have hurt me like this...

But, whatever the circumstances i decided to do what keeps me happy.
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Old March 20th, 2013, 02:04 AM
sushma1987 sushma1987 is offline
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Re: I am fed up with my Parents and not understanding what to do

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Originally Posted by Mrs X View Post
Hi and welcome. Good on you for looking to your future.

I know lots and lots of people from India, many of whom adhere quite strongly to their culture. - When people migrate, they often gather as communities in their new country to feel comfortable, and tend to hold on to their old ways much more than if they had stayed at home.

No matter what you have been told, or what is normal in your family, it is NOT normal for mothers to beat their children, and from what i've seen, Indian fathers are particularly one eyed and protective of their daughters. Your situation seems pretty unusual.

Your parents have signed their own fate, and you are free to do what you want. You don't have to get married, you don't have to accept abuse.

Wishing you all the best, you sound great.


Thank you.. :-) ..... Society matters to Indian parents a lot. I do not like such a narrow thinking... I hate it...Why someone has to give importance to the damn society by killing their own children happiness. I am not able to understand what my parents get if they kill my happiness?? .. :-(

However i decided to do the things which keeps me happy... Hope i succeed... :-)
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Old March 20th, 2013, 03:45 AM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: I am fed up with my Parents and not understanding what to do

good luck and may you find your kyra jeva* when the time is right, until then - live your life for you



(* my spelling is probally way off)
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Old March 20th, 2013, 05:28 AM
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Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
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Re: I am fed up with my Parents and not understanding what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by sushma1987 View Post
I clearly understood that they don't love me... If so they wouldn't have hurt me like this...
I wouldn't go so far as to say they don't love you. That's an extreme statement...

There may be underlying issues at work here. We only know what you share with us. We never hear the other side of the story.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Think about it before you make a conclusion like "they don't love me." I just think you need to look at it with a more open mind.

Even still, marry who you want, not who someone else wants you to.
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“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
William W. Purkey

........
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