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Old June 25th, 2008, 10:48 PM
feellik@3it feellik@3it is offline
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what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

ok me and my ex have been together for 3 years and known each other for 6 1/2 years we first went out at the start and then broke up afterward do to her cheating on me....we didn't talk for about 2 years...when we started hanging out again some old feelings came back and i couldn't see her going out with someone else...well after telling her about how i felt and that i was leaving everything she called me back and we really hit it off for about 3 years...the last year we moved in together...we both had our problems and it was hard to talk about...i know now that communication is very important...well we didn't communicate that well...but got along....well i found out after she left me that she has been unhappy for awhile and she did say stuff but not clearly...things popped up about how her friends would say how can you be with this guy...but my friends or family never said that...they knew i loved her and were happy to see me that way....well i found out that most of my friends and family that knew about our past didn't like her that and how she was the type to flirt with others....but i know she never acted(positive)...well it came down to after i had quit my job to look for another plus with school it was hard to look around and find time....well she ended up breaking up with me and moved out 2 weeks later.....i was heart broken and had no clue what to do...i told my best friend of 10 yrs and he said he tried to get us back well that was a stretch of the truth..after a scare happened at her new apart the day after she moved out, so she moved into his place with his wife and kid for about 3 weeks. during that time she started to hate me more and it didn't help that my friend was using me to get with her....i had no clue that he was having problems with his love..i even asked about it and wouldn't say....he lied to me alot about what to do and keeped asking me over when she was there....and telling me f*&k her...in the state i was in i didn't know up from down and could only she her at the old apartment everywhere it drove me nuts and i wanted to see her but doing this so maybe she if she would see me has i was when we we're together...so i listened to him i trusted him...boy was i blind...well i started to ask questions and still believed in my best friend( i guess i didn't want to believe that he would do this to me) well his wife threw her out and he went with her, i didn't know until a day later when they both called and told me i almost killed the son of B#@ch.... i found out alot about my best friend and how he's lied for a long time and even said to a friend a long time ago that "she looks like a party girl l'd f her"...well i guess what i getting at is i still have strong feelings for her and want her back but know it not a good idea...plus how much did she know what is going on....how much was she manipulated so he could get with her or how much she was for it. what do i do? i feel like i've hit rock bottom

Last edited by feellik@3it; June 25th, 2008 at 11:03 PM.
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Old June 26th, 2008, 12:10 AM
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nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

So sorry for your pain. Frankly, whether or not she knew about his scheming early on, she decided to go off with him after enjoying the hospitality of his wife in the presence of their kid sounds like a pretty crappy reflection on her no matter how much you've cared for her.

He couldn't have manipulated her into not knowing he was married with a kid, was your best friend (and off limits for that reason if nothing else) or that she should not be doing what she did. IMO she stands outside the realm of 'you could make this work if only'...

From your description I don't see her as someone who could treat you decently. I am sorry you are hurting.

The good thing about rock bottom is that you can always go up from there. It sucks to be treated that way, even to watch something like that happen to someone else. But you invested a lot with her and will need to take some time to recover. It does get better.

Best Wishes

Last edited by nonnymouse; June 26th, 2008 at 12:31 AM.
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Old June 26th, 2008, 05:26 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

I know you're feeling very badly for yourself, feeling betrayed by your friend. He violated the rule of "bros before hos."

Now, imagine how his wife and child feel. His commitment to her was sealed with vows. She took a chance in trying to help this girl out and both your friend and your ex-girlfriend took advantage of that.

No place to go but up for you. Your friend and your ex, I'm afraid, are crashing and burning.
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Old June 26th, 2008, 08:50 AM
maura
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

Dear Feel,
At some point, many of us experience the pain such as you, when a close trusted friend or family member betrays. This is unconscionable.
Wouldn't it have just been better if they came right out and told you that they feel something for each other? That they didn't plan on it happening, they knew people would get hurt, etc? Would it have been easier for you?
Is it lust? True love? Or do they find a quality in each other that they feel they lack? Who knows.
They both have some serious deep issues with commitment. Trust. Loyalty. The very fabric of a human being - honesty - has been cast off with these two. But it DOES happen. All the time. To many many people.
But the most important thing here is: Y O U. Wash your hands of the whole tawdry mess and walk away. Do not look back. Say bye bye to those sorry empty souls. They deserve each other. They are so messed up, don't let them drag you down too! Get out of that sinking ship NOW.
Go be with people you trust. Maybe you could volunteer and do something that makes you feel good about people. The pain will be felt. Just don't act on it. Let it go. Take it from someone that is still reeling after four years of betrayal from her own family!
There was no true love or friendship for you as soon as these two hooked up. So why give them another day? More energy and thought? Let go.
Broken hearts do mend, in time. The best way to get back? Having a better time with life than them. They are in a mess. So much Drama! Walk away and go do something fun. Learn something you always wanted to learn. They can't hurt you anymore for you don't have the time.

Good luck. Hope all turns out well for you.
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Old June 29th, 2008, 10:20 PM
feellik@3it feellik@3it is offline
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

i gues i needed to hear it from someone other than my family..well because it's hard to have someone understand....i agree that those two are doomed and in it only for lust...i know more of what has happened since this has gone down and the girl i fell in love with cared more about her dream not someone else....i found out that he has been lying for years and is an alcoholic....and the more messed up thing is she used to have a ex well that was the same and only used her which is what he is doing...it's hard not to say or do anything when you have been protecting her from other things and herself for so long...hell i still dream about her...the other part is and makes things even harder is just knowing that they're together....there is actually more but i don't know how to talk about it....i don't want to sound like a broken record....just its so damn hard to start all over again...and you're start right back where you we're when it all started...plus with extra weight...no comment.
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Old June 29th, 2008, 10:49 PM
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

I'm so sorry. You are right. This is hard. And is sucks. And it's not fair.

I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you, but I don't. Just know that I've been through heartbreak myself and I can feel your pain. You know in your head that this is for the best. In time, your heart will catch up and it won't be as painful anymore. You'll be stronger because of it.
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Old July 1st, 2008, 10:35 PM
feellik@3it feellik@3it is offline
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

i appreciate everything everyone has said...it doesn't help though sometime today she call me for the first time to say she was going to pay me for what she owes on bill for the old apartment....reason being because while the past month and a half she made me think she never was...and i was ready not to even worry about it so i could move on...and then out of the blue she calls and tells me this...when i already caught her in a lie about it. i don't know maybe her dad said something...but i toward her "that she painted a different picture of how she wasn't going to pay" and she said " well you painted a different picture of me"...i laugh at the idea and tried to find out who the lies were coming from....but she just tried to end the conversation...so i said bye first....honestly i think her new boy toy is saying this to make her hate me more...i found out...he now trying to blame everyone else for his mistake....i guess what i'm getting at is it bugs the living sh!@ out of me when people try to lie about what i said...i have been nothing but truthful and i still hear crap from both of them...
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Old July 1st, 2008, 10:56 PM
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nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

You say he's lying and blaming everyone else for his mistake. It is not like he just got suddenly confused about which woman was his wife or which kid needs a stable home.

I don't think anyone will really buy his lies. But I can understand your frustration (and anger and hurt) about it. Neither of them have any credibility left though.

You couldn't trust that she wasn't lying even if she had told you something about where the lies started.

If she sends the money fine, don't hold your breath though and don't go out of your way to pick it up. The less contact the better IMO. Or she may string you along for a long time about it just to enjoy your reaction.

Good for you for hanging up first.
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Old July 1st, 2008, 10:57 PM
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

Quote:
Originally Posted by feellik@3it View Post
....i guess what i'm getting at is it bugs the living sh!@ out of me when people try to lie about what i said...i have been nothing but truthful and i still hear crap from both of them...
Bad news, dude.... this happens to everyone. It happens to me pretty regularly, and I'm a 45-yo SAHM who basically only has to deal with PTA cr*p.

The only "weapon" you have is the truth. Hold your head high and ignore their cr*p because it's not worth dignifying it with a response.

IMO you need to remove yourself from the drama. Don't take her calls. Don't take her money. Don't listen to the lies anyone is saying. Think about the YOU that has nothing to do with THEM, and move on. (Easier said than done, I know)
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Old July 6th, 2008, 11:19 PM
feellik@3it feellik@3it is offline
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Re: what to do when your best friend screw you and where does she stand?

yes you are right but if she is going to pay me the money i'll take it...but your right i'm not going to hold my breath on it...for one thing i know she doesn't have a job and no money and what she said to pay me with is not going to cover it...i think she is just stringing me along for either something to fall back on or like yaw said to see my reaction...something fishy is going on though i got a call the other day from his phone...and i made it clear i don't want to talk to him anymore...i didn't answer but it did make me pissed off....he knows he's in the wrong....and all my friends stopped talking to him so he has very few friends that i know of....i just hope his wife doesn't get back with him....i talked to her and it's sounds like she won't but there is something in her voice that says differently....only time will tell
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