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Old April 12th, 2014, 08:27 AM
slr0031 slr0031 is offline
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Trying to accept situation

I have posted before about how I don't want to visit with my dad and his wife and only want to visit with my dad. We had a big argument a couple years ago and I have not seen them in 2 years, although I have talked to my dad infrequently on the phone. I feel like his wife has gotten between us many times and I don't want to have these problems anymore. So for the past few months my dad and I have communicated only via email and he recently asked if they could both visit next month. This is a year after I gently told him I believe it is best for him not to expect me to have a relationship with his wife. This time I told him I would love to see him but I don't think it is a good idea for them both to visit and I would like to visit with just him. I gave him 2 alternatives for this. One he can drive up alone, it is 8 hours and he used to drive it by himself before we had this argument during a time that I never said wife could not come, or 2 we can drive down there but we would stay at a hotel. I did not bash his wife but told him I don't want to feel anxiety and stress when I visit with him. He responded by saying he wants us to move forward and have everybody forgive each other and that they all love me and miss me. He said he would drive up himself but that it is not convenient for him and he does not know when he will be able to come back, he is retired and used to do this drive frequently, not only to see me but to travel down south alone, he wanted to be clear that is what I wanted, for him to drive up alone. And he hopes I will reconsider wanting to stay at hotel when I am not "awkward" anymore because it will deprive him of putting my kids to bed, having them wake up in his house, making them pancakes etc. My birthday is also tomorrow and I am feeling both angry because I believe he is trying to make me feel bad and I also feel depressed. I am not trying to be unfair here and am so tired of being painted as the bad, broken, wrong person. He also wrote he would call tomorrow, yay. Sorry for ranting I am feeling pretty bad and don't have anybody to talk to about this. I am not trying to hurt dad and know I am and at the same time I also do not want to be hurt anymore. His email ignores my feelings and it makes me feel like he thinks I am crazy and irrational. I am going to try to be happy and spend the say with my husband and kids and not be depressed and crying as it is not fair to them.

Last edited by slr0031; April 12th, 2014 at 08:30 AM.
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Old April 12th, 2014, 08:39 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Trying to accept situation

Throwing moral support your way, slr0031. I know it wasn't easy, but you did a good job standing up for yourself.

Happy birthday! Give yourself the best gift of all - forgive yourself.
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Old April 13th, 2014, 11:13 AM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Trying to accept situation

(((hugs)))


What's best for your kids & DH is mamma to be happy ('cause if mamma ain't happy, nobodys happy)


There are a few books you might want to see if your library has

When I say no, I feel guilty by Manuel Smith

How to say no without feeling guilty by Breitman and Hatch
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Old April 13th, 2014, 01:47 PM
slr0031 slr0031 is offline
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Re: Trying to accept situation

Thank you Kaykay and Snafu. It can be hard to know what the best choice is. I am trying to figure that out. Am having a good b-day and not worrying about it though.
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