Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > All Grown Up

All Grown Up A place to discuss "adult" children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old February 20th, 2014, 09:17 AM
Maribel019 Maribel019 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1
Maribel019 is on a distinguished road
How do you create boundaries from bad parents and keep your distance from them?

I have bad parents. Both of my parents have done separate things in their lives that they can go to prison for a long time.

My mom was horribly verbal abuse and at times violent towards me. My dad is manipulative/controlling. I can't reveal personal information about myself to them because they take it and use it against me. Unfortunately, I still live with them because I don't make a lot of money, I'm 26 now.

Obviously, I've had relationships in the past. After this point though, I don't want to tell them about any of my relationships, unless I'm engaged to someone, otherwise there's no point.

So, essentially I want to create boundaries between my parents and I about what they know about me. I have a restraining order on someone for attempting to rape me and stalking me. Another girl has a restraining order on him too. After 3 months he started saying he wished she was dead, saying he was going to kill himself to everyone, and making threatening comments like she would be sorry she ever hurt him and that she was never going to forget it. One of my concerns is, what if I went on a first date and didn't tell anyone and I got killed? No one would ever know what happened and they would always wonder. Maybe right before first dates I should leave notepad open on my computer screen saying the person's name and phone number and address, just in case I never come back alive.

My question is, how do you create boundaries with psychologically abusive parents? How do you keep your distance from them and restrict what they know about you? How can you continue to be safe when you don't have close friends and you aren't close to your parents?

Last edited by Maribel019; February 20th, 2014 at 09:34 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old February 20th, 2014, 11:50 AM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,340
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How do you create boundaries from bad parents and keep your distance from them?

First and foremost, do whatever it takes to move out. Move in with a roommate, get a second job, whatever. As long as you live with your parents, it will be hard to create boundaries.

Second, expand your circle of friends. You need to have someone aware of your plans (at least vaguely).

Third, manage your fears. You can't allow yourself to think "what if I got killed on a date." I realize that you have a reason to be afraid of one particular person, but that person is not all people. When you find yourself in the "what if" mindset, redirect your thoughts into empowering ones. Instead of "what if I got killed" think "what am I going to do to keep myself safe."

Do you think living with your parents is creating some of this self-doubt and fear?
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old September 17th, 2014, 11:36 AM
burgundy1's Avatar
burgundy1 burgundy1 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: S/W area, U.S.A.
Posts: 20
burgundy1 is on a distinguished road
Re: How do you create boundaries from bad parents and keep your distance from them?

Hello,

I don't know if you are still coming to this forum, but, why would you want to have anything to do with someone like that, that is dangerous to be around?
Is it possible to move in with family? Even if they are far away?

Stay away from bad people.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:44 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network