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Old December 4th, 2013, 11:43 AM
Tanni Tanni is offline
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My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

I married my high school sweetheart after being apart for 31 years. He has a 30 year old daughter who has never been out of school. She went from high school straight into college and has remained there. She lived several states away until she found out that Daddy was with me then she moved 2 hours away into a college dorm. We drive and pick her up every time she has a break from class. What I don't understand is why she talks baby talk to her father every time she talks to him. She has got to be first before me in every thing. The other night she ask her father if she went and got a little child's lunch box would her daddy pack her lunch's in it each day if she would find a job for Christmas break here. She has never wanted for anything. Her parents has giving her everything that she has ever ask for. And believe me she set's on that golden high chair. My husband call's her child all the time. (Here child, there child, my child this and that.) In his eye's she is the sun and moon. I don't care about that part, but the baby talk gets in my nerves. We moved into our new home last week and He was so scared that she would get lost that he would stop at every so often to make sure she was behind us after being at the new house several times when we were moving. I've tried talking to him and talking to him but I'm always in the wrong. I'm not sure what I can do. I have 4 grown sons who live out of state and one of them were going to come and see me with his wife and three grandbabies. And since we have a two bed room house his daughter has moved all her things into that room and now claims it as her's. And so it's her room and my son will not be welcome to stay in that room even through my husband said that my son and his family will be able to stay in her room, but I'm afraid to let them. So I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm just about done with this whole thing. There has been other things that has happened since we have gotten together with his daughter. I can't even get her to talk to me or anything and when I say any thing to my husband then he just defends her. And I can tell you that marriage canceler is not something my husband will go for so that's out.
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Old December 4th, 2013, 12:18 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter



Does she have any kind of mental deficiency?


I don't really have any words of wisdom for you, Tanni. I think you have a really good handle on how strange this situation is. I don't know really that there's anything you can do. They've had 30 years to develop this awful co-dependence. You won't be able to undo it quickly.

I think you need to stay out of it, best you can. You do not want to be the wicked stepmother who tries to come between them. If you do get involved, get involved from a loving "I'm on your side, What's best for her" standpoint. For example, if she was serious about the lunchbox, don't say anything about it until after she buys it and gives it to your husband to pack a lunch. Then say to him "Honey, what do you think her co-workers are going to think of her when she shows up with a child's lunchbox? Aren't you worried that they won't take her seriously as a worker, or that they'll make fun of her?" Any and all changes in the relationship have to be decided on by HIM, and the only changes he'll be willing to make are ones where he can clearly see that his behavior is not working in her best interest.

You have successfully raised children, so you already know how to do this. Practice saying things like "You're doing that for her? Don't you trust her to do it herself? She needs her father to trust that she's capable of doing that! Imagine how proud she'll be of herself when she does it!" In situations like the car ride where he stopped to make sure she was following - suggest instead that he drive BEHIND her so he can make sure she's safe AND that she knows how to get to the house without him so she can come anytime the moods strikes her.

As far as your son coming to visit, accept that you can't kick your stepdaughter out of "her" room. Don't try to fight that. Instead, ask your husband to help you come up with an alternate solution. Suggest that your son and his family stay in YOUR room and you and he sleep on an air mattress or sleeper sofa. Or, will he be willing to help pay for a hotel for them? I hope that maybe if you don't fight the stepdaughter, but rather address the logic of the circumstances, he'll come around.

Just curious - what is she like with her mother?
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Old December 4th, 2013, 01:13 PM
Tanni Tanni is offline
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

Dearest Kay Kay

I have never gotten to meet her mother. She lives in CA and we live in NC. I do know from what I have herd that she pretty much is the same way towards there daughter. This kind of behavior has been going on since I got to meet her last summer. The first time she stayed with us was for a week she verbally attacked me because I was ask by her father to go where they went as a family. She was very rude and hateful at that time and has been ever since to me. At 30 years old, I'm not dealing with a child. She is very much a grown woman of 5 feet 6 and 350 lbs. and I am 5 feet 3 and just over 150. All my husbands family live here and all of mine live in Ohio. It's had for me not to stand my grown when she comes in and cooks and makes a big mess, but not once has she cleaned up after her self. Not one dish has she washed or anything. Her father or I clean up after her. I'm sorry to vent so but I just needed to talk to someone. The sadist part of all this mess is the fact that I found out from her that I am married to a married man. I told him that I know that he was still married to his daughters mother and all he can say is that when he get the money he will file for a divorce. I just so confused. I'm not sure at this point if it's even worth the heart burn of a life time with this mess, or is it better to just walk away...
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Old December 4th, 2013, 02:03 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter



Um, first and foremost, are you aware of the laws in NC concerning bigamy? http://statutes.laws.com/north-carol...r_14/GS_14-183. You need to consult with a lawyer ASAP.

Frankly, I'd run, not walk, away from that mess. Move back to Ohio. Tell him to call you when he has filed for a divorce from his first wife and cut the apron strings with his daughter. But that's just me. It sounds to me like you're being used. Your husband and his daughter have an EXTREMELY unhealthy relationship and I wouldn't want to be part of it.

How long did you date after you got back together after 30 years?
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Old December 4th, 2013, 02:58 PM
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post

Frankly, I'd run, not walk, away from that mess. Move back to Ohio. Tell him to call you when he has filed for a divorce from his first wife and cut the apron strings with his daughter. But that's just me. It sounds to me like you're being used. Your husband and his daughter have an EXTREMELY unhealthy relationship and I wouldn't want to be part of it.
For real! Escape while you can.
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Old December 4th, 2013, 03:34 PM
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

I'd definitely run too! I think finding out he is still married is that very exit sign you need!
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Old December 4th, 2013, 03:42 PM
Tanni Tanni is offline
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

We dated maybe 6 months. He was over in Iraq working for a company called KBR. So his mother just so happened to start talking to my oldest sister again. My sister email something to his mother and she in turn email it to him over seas and that's how he was able to find me. But anyway I called the court house and told them that I found out that he was still married but as you can guess I will have to get an attorney. In my heart I know you are right and I need to go but the words that he has said to me more then once is " Your the love of my life, my one true love and there is no way in hell or Gods green earth that I will ever let you go again" And as I set and think of what he has said several times over makes me nervous. With that said he will be driving back to pick up his daughter so she will be home for Christmas the day after tomorrow. And she will stay until college starts back up in Jan, sometime so I will not really be by my self again for several months. (That sucks) But anyway I just want to thank you so much for your time and just being there lending me a strong shoulder to wine on. God Bless you and yours and have a wonderful Christmas. I am going to take your advice and run for the hill's as soon as I can get a day by myself.
Respectfully,
Tanni O.

Last edited by Tanni; December 4th, 2013 at 03:46 PM.
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Old December 4th, 2013, 04:58 PM
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanni View Post
the words that he has said to me more then once is " Your the love of my life, my one true love and there is no way in hell or Gods green earth that I will ever let you go again
He has a choice in this matter. He can prove these words are true. You have every right to expect him to.

Good luck to you, Tanni. I'm glad your son will be with you for at least part of the next month. Please check back in after the New Year and let us know how you are.
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Old May 15th, 2014, 04:17 PM
GOSteno GOSteno is offline
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

Get an annulment right away.
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Old May 19th, 2014, 07:32 AM
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Re: My 30 year old baby stepdaughter

Weird...
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