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  #11  
Old September 9th, 2007, 01:53 AM
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by Virginiann View Post
I could not have said that better Beth. Your children will always be your children. You will rejoice in their victories and cry when they fall.

It is funny to hear my mom or my MIL referr to my husband and I as 'the kids'.. even nearning 50 I am still a kid! I love it!

V.
Makes me smile when my mum cuddles my kids and says to them "you are mummy and daddy's babies, but your mummy is my baby". I don't take offence to that b/c my mum and and I have a completely adult relationship, so I know it's all about what's in her heart as opposed to what's in her mind i.e. that I am an adult.
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  #12  
Old September 9th, 2007, 06:22 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by Annsdil
Makes me smile when my mum cuddles my kids and says to them "you are mummy and daddy's babies, but your mummy is my baby". I don't take offence to that b/c my mum and and I have a completely adult relationship, so I know it's all about what's in her heart as opposed to what's in her mind i.e. that I am an adult.
Same here, Ann! My DD laughs everytime my mom says, "She's my baby," and sings, "Ahhh, ahhh, baby."

We also have a completely adult relationship.

You all have some good ideas about when a child becomes an adult.
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  #13  
Old September 9th, 2007, 07:56 AM
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by Beth View Post
All grown up? When you display basis maturity and are able to take care of yourself. This could be at 19 years of age or 35. Milestones don't make a difference to me. It's the actions that tell me.

Are your children really always your children? Yes, I'm afraid so. Forever and ever. But not in the child way. I just don't know how you would ever think of them differently. I like to see the changes and watch them make their own decisions. When my kids move forward making their own way in life, I feel I have done my job. They are independent now. I let go, but they are still my kids.
I agree with this. My kids are soon to be 29, 25 and 22. They are all on their own now, the last one only for a few weeks now. My oldest has 2 kids and he was just a horrible teen, the funniest thing is hearing him say things I said. You know things have shifted when you go out to eat with them and they say "I'm paying" or show up on Mother's Day with a bag of groceries and say "I'm cooking for you today".
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  #14  
Old September 9th, 2007, 08:31 AM
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by Virginiann View Post
It is funny to hear my mom or my MIL referr to my husband and I as 'the kids'.. even nearning 50 I am still a kid! I love it!
V.
I know what you mean. I have three adult boys with their own families. I still call them the kids. They really don't seem to mind that I do that. They just smile. But I'm sure it will sound pretty funny when I'm in my 80's and they are in their 60's. Oh, I'll probably never change. I just hope they will have patience with this old lady.
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  #15  
Old September 9th, 2007, 10:49 AM
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by 1dilwhosreal View Post
What age do your children have to be in order to be considered "all grown up?" Can an adult child living at home under your roof really be considered all grown up? Are there milestones-- like marriage-- that a child must pass to be all grown up? Or are your children really always your children?
When they are in their OWN residence paying all their OWN bills. Paying their own bills in your house does not qualify; getting help from you living in their own house does not qualify.
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  #16  
Old September 11th, 2007, 06:39 AM
drivenbonkers drivenbonkers is offline
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
Ditto!
exactly the same when we lived at home.

While we were going to school, no room and board was charged, once we were working full time, we were charged a modest room and board. We held the bank account, and Mom/Dad reserved the right to check in on it at any time. (they never did, btw)

The courtesies were always expected regardless of age.

Once we married, the monies we had paid into the board account were used for our weddings.... that was a very nice, welcome surprise!

I have adult 'kids', both now employed full time, one living on his own, one still at 'home' (unless he's away at a job site)

While they attended school, we made it easy for them not to have to work, school was their full time job. (we paid their car insurance, and they had a modest $ amount on a monthly basis for the little 'extras' )

I feel it important that when adult children leave their parent's home, it should be at the right time, and for the right reasons.
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  #17  
Old September 11th, 2007, 03:55 PM
august august is offline
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Re: What age does this happen?

at 18...but it just means you should stop telling them what to do and start listening to them in what they want to do...

my parents and I would always talk, they would give me different options of what I could do then leave the conversation with, but your an adult now you have to make the decision on your own...

letting your 18 year old be an adult will be more of a benefit to them in the long run...trying to consistently care, protect or guide when there (i don't know) say 25, is more of being an enabler...
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  #18  
Old November 20th, 2007, 04:48 PM
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Re: What age does this happen?

grown up, and adult is two different things to me.
Grown up is out on their own, and adult is voting age.
Kind of hard to explain..I gotta run but I will try to explain and yes my boys are adult and one is grown AND adult. The is grown, but NOT adult.
Get my drift?
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  #19  
Old May 17th, 2013, 08:15 PM
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by 1DH+4Kids=Happyus View Post
My parents had adult children living with them...

If we were going to college - we paid no rent - but if we weren't in school - we were charged rent. (Rent was $100 per month - included all utilities and food... bargain...)

We did not have a curfew after age 18 (and graduated High School) - but M&D expected a courtesy call if you were going to be out later than midnight.
I like that. I'm in school full-time, graduating college this coming year, and I work part-time. They don't charge me rent; but if I weren't in school, they would.
However, I still have a curfew...literally the only person I know with a curfew is me.
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  #20  
Old May 17th, 2013, 08:24 PM
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Re: What age does this happen?

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Originally Posted by august View Post
at 18...but it just means you should stop telling them what to do and start listening to them in what they want to do...

my parents and I would always talk, they would give me different options of what I could do then leave the conversation with, but your an adult now you have to make the decision on your own...

letting your 18 year old be an adult will be more of a benefit to them in the long run...trying to consistently care, protect or guide when there (i don't know) say 25, is more of being an enabler...
I agree. My DD is still overprotective, overbearing, and controlling. He still doesn't fully let me make my own decisions. For instance, I'm a grown woman in my twenties, graduating college soon, working, and I still have to ask my 'mommy and daddy' if I can go on an overnight trip without them...I need permission just to go to a city less than an hour away for the night with my boyfriend's family... Even my DM thinks that that's over-doing it on my DD's part.

For another example, I have to be home by midnight whenever I go out. All my friends stopped having a curfew when they graduated high school, every one of them. It honestly drives me nuts, but I'll be out of the house by next summer most likely, if I can last that long.

I understand that it's their house, their rules. And I do respect that. But I just wish my DD would just let my use my own judgment, and trust it. He's always telling me that I've grown into a wonderful, responsible, mature young woman; but it doesn't feel like he truly believes it. He knows I'd never stay out really late, like 'til 2 or 3. But if I wanna come home at 12:30 or 1 'cause the movie is ending a little past midnight, then I wish he'd let that be my decision and just have me let him know ahead of time that I'll be home a little after midnight.
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