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  #11  
Old May 12th, 2013, 10:16 PM
Karina Karina is offline
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Re: Its OVER!

Mothers are entitled to have a night out every once in awhile, ust as a father would. Unfit? No, not at all. If your daughter neglects her child or abuses them in anyway that would be considered unfit. He is just trying to get something on her, sounds like a real you know what!!!!
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  #12  
Old May 12th, 2013, 11:25 PM
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Re: Its OVER!

I think he is practising psychological abuse, and you need to get to a good family lawyer as soon as you can. What he's saying and what he is doing don't match up.
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  #13  
Old May 13th, 2013, 05:02 AM
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Re: Its OVER!

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Originally Posted by Mrs X View Post
I think he is practising psychological abuse, and you need to get to a good family lawyer as soon as you can. What he's saying and what he is doing don't match up.
Yep. He isn't as good as a father as people think he is if he's depriving the baby of his mother. Instead, he's using the baby to further abuse your daughter and the baby.

Without a written agreement, he doesn't have to let your daughter see the baby, either.

It is time to get that lawyer. Don't overestimate an abuser's willingness to give up control.
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  #14  
Old May 13th, 2013, 08:29 AM
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Re: Its OVER!

Leopards can't change their spots. He has always been manipulative and abusive, he will continue to be manipulative and abusive.

There is no way, no how I'd let someone explosive who hits women have primary custody of my daughter. Without your daughter as a punching bag, where will he direct his anger?

I agree that your daughter needs a lawyer. Her ex-fiancé is still trying to manipulate and abuse her, and is using her baby as a pawn. I think that the advice the police gave you was off. Yes, he has as much right to the baby as your daughter does but I don't agree that a judge will agree after testimony of a broken nose comes out.
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  #15  
Old May 13th, 2013, 06:24 PM
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Re: Its OVER!

I'm with everyone else - he's trying to control her via the baby
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  #16  
Old May 14th, 2013, 08:15 AM
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Re: Its OVER!

Baglady {{{hugs}}}, I'm glad your daughter is out of the relationship but sad to hear about what's going on now over custody of the child. Unfortunately, as the father, he does have the same rights as your daughter, but he's acting like he's in complete control and can decide when or even IF your daughter is allowed to see her own child. The verbal agreement is useless. The longer the situation is allowed to remain this way the harder it's going to be for your daughter to get custody/joint custody. My concern would be that when this does end up in front of a judge the ex will try to use the lack of legal action from you daughter and twist it around to make it seem like she didn't care enough to fight for the baby. I fully understand this is NOT the case, but would hate to give the ex anything he could use against her in the future.
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  #17  
Old May 14th, 2013, 08:56 AM
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Re: Its OVER!

Hi all. Thank you for your thoughts, advice, and support. I've been trying to find the Legal Aid Society in our area. The only one I found has a jurisdiction in the next county, not ours, but I'm going to call them anyway. My daughter has no job, and no car. She was the stay at home Mom, while he worked. He took thier car.
She was told that since he's a veteran, still in the guard, and did a tour in Iraq, that him putting his hands on her is considered use of a lethal weapon. Because he was trained to kill. Anybody ever hear of that? I don't know if its true or not.
Last night he texted her and told her she could have the baby from Sunday to Sunday next week. We'll see if he follows through.
I'll keep you posted. Thanks again, Jan
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  #18  
Old May 14th, 2013, 09:07 AM
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Re: Its OVER!

Quote:
Originally Posted by longhairedgnome View Post
Baglady {{{hugs}}}, I'm glad your daughter is out of the relationship but sad to hear about what's going on now over custody of the child. Unfortunately, as the father, he does have the same rights as your daughter, but he's acting like he's in complete control and can decide when or even IF your daughter is allowed to see her own child. The verbal agreement is useless. The longer the situation is allowed to remain this way the harder it's going to be for your daughter to get custody/joint custody. My concern would be that when this does end up in front of a judge the ex will try to use the lack of legal action from you daughter and twist it around to make it seem like she didn't care enough to fight for the baby. I fully understand this is NOT the case, but would hate to give the ex anything he could use against her in the future.
Girl, Where have you been?? We've been missing you! Thanks for your thoughts and advice. We did go to a lawyer right away, but he said to wait and see how things played out. I'm trying to find free legal representation for her.
Talk to you later.
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  #19  
Old May 14th, 2013, 10:50 AM
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Re: Its OVER!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BagLady View Post
She was told that since he's a veteran, still in the guard, and did a tour in Iraq, that him putting his hands on her is considered use of a lethal weapon. Because he was trained to kill. Anybody ever hear of that? I don't know if its true or not.
Not to my knowledge. If he abuses someone while he's considered "Active" he falls under the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice). If he abuses someone and is arrested for it outside of military or federal property then he falls under Civil Law and the military COULD follow through with there own legal action. This "Lethal Weapon" thing because he was in the Guard and served in Iraq... I've never heard of it and I served for 20 years.

Until this "Custody" thing gets taken care of through legal means, your daughter is going to be caught between a hard place and a rock.
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  #20  
Old May 14th, 2013, 11:17 AM
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Re: Its OVER!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BagLady View Post
Last night he texted her and told her she could have the baby from Sunday to Sunday next week. We'll see if he follows through.
I'll keep you posted. Thanks again, Jan
Document everything. Every person you've talked to, date, time, place and what advice they gave you. Every promise he makes to allow her to see her daughter and doesn't follow through on. Keep that text message and any others he sends as well as voice mail messages. I've know someone who went through something similar and being able to show the judge these things was key in her getting custody of her daughter away from an abusive ex. You used to have to add a message to a home answering machine that messages were being recorded and the recordings kept in order to enter them as evidence in court. Not sure if that is true today with cell phones.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BagLady View Post
Girl, Where have you been??

BF having more health issues and was back in the hospital. He's home again.
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