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Old December 30th, 2012, 04:31 PM
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Red face I over reacted

DSD is home from college over break - some of her friends came over to help her dye her hair (she wants it grow back to her natural color & the difference between orginal dye & natural ... did not work). So now all her hair is the same (close to her natural) color.

In the past she's used the good towels when dying hair & it made me (but I never said anything to her) - this time I gave her old towels before she & her friends got started no problems


but.... you knew there was a but didn't you? esp. as the thread title was I over reacted ....

DSD didn't clean up after herself - left a mess in the bathroom (tub covered with hair dye, towels left on the sink counter) and left with her friends. DS goes to take a shower, tells me about the mess - I go look, hit , tell DS to clean out the tub, and I went and "_itched" at DH ( )

DS & DH cleaned up the mess & to make a long story short I told DH I over reacted ( at least I didn't totally blow a gasket), and if he wanted we could just ignore what she did as she's only home for a few weeks. He said he'd talk to her.

Last edited by snafu; December 30th, 2012 at 06:43 PM.
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Old December 30th, 2012, 06:24 PM
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Re: I over reacted

I don't think you overreacted - I'd have hit the roof if someone had left that mess in my bathroom too. I'm not sure why DS had to clean it up though? I would have left the towels where they were and just showered, letting the water wash some of the hair dye away and leaving the rest there for DSD to clean up.

(*note - I've never dyed hair at home, so I don't know what kind of mess that entails)
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Old December 30th, 2012, 06:33 PM
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Re: I over reacted

DS cleaned the tub out - he needed to shower - there was some chuncky stuff (dye coloring solids) left in the tub & DS was "mom, its gross"

DH cleaned up the towles & finished cleaing the tub (before DS showered); and DH washed the towels

I didn't give all the details I was pizzed - and I ranted a bit ... ok, more than a bit ... and I said some other things


I didn't know how late DSD was staying out with her friends & DS did NOT want to get in the shower with the gross stuff there, so it needed to be cleaned (DS also isn't comfortable using the shower in the master bath either)


(snerk... afterward I thought if I gave you guys all the details, you'd let me know I'd over reacted ....hoo-hoo I've learned to do some self monitoring/self-talk from "coming" here & chatting with you guys )

Last edited by snafu; December 30th, 2012 at 06:45 PM.
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Old December 30th, 2012, 07:58 PM
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Re: I over reacted

Okay, I don't get it. I've never used the home hair dye, so I guess I'm not picturing it. I think it's rude to leave a mess for someone else to clean up, so I can see why you'd be mad.
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Old December 30th, 2012, 08:16 PM
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Re: I over reacted

I told DS to just shower & let the stuff rinse out, DS didn't want to get in the tub with the crud in there - and I was POed that I had to deal with it - and I refused - instead I ranted at DH

(also, earlier in week DSD cooked Ramen Noodles in the kitchen & didn't clean up after herself - I think DH did (I left to run errands), but if DS had done the same thing ... DH would have said something then and there - becaue its happend and he has)
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Old December 30th, 2012, 09:13 PM
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Re: I over reacted

Ooooookay. So the issue is (1) the double standard and (2) your lack of parental authority over DSD.

It's tough to follow DH's lead and treat DSD the way he handles DS if DSD leaves a mess then disappears. I probably would have cleaned it up myself (ranting and fuming the whole way) or made DH help me clean it rather than put DS in the "bad guy" position. DSD is going to come home and say "Well, I was GOING to clean it up. It's not my fault that *he* had to shower right then and there! It's not MY fault that *he* won't use the master bathroom. I couldn't just ignore my friends!" And she kind of does have enough of a point that it'll be dropped and no apologies will be forthcoming and it'll be added to the list of times when her Daddy sided with her and you feel slighted.

Still, it's rude to make such a mess in a shared bathroom and leave it.
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Old December 31st, 2012, 07:00 AM
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Re: I over reacted

I have the same problems! ODS complains that YDS and DD leave a mess in the sink. YDS complains that ODS leaves wet towels everywhere. DD doesn't care.

In the kitchen, the boys frequently make snacks and don't clean up after themselves. Dd just eats all the candy she can find and leaves her trash around.

When it happens, I don't make a big deal about it. If they are around, I ask them to clean it up. If they aren't, I use a cleaning wipe to clean out the sink. I toss the towels in the hamper. Throw the dirty dishes in the sink.

It would never occur to me to yell at DH because one of the kids didn't clean up after themselves unless he was part of making the mess. I remember my mom doing that to DSF and DStepSis. It made us all sad and embarrassed.
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Old December 31st, 2012, 08:04 AM
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Re: I over reacted

I think you had every right to be upset with DSD for not cleaning up what sounds to be a substantial mess before she left with her friends. I know when I was that age if we made a mess while visiting a friends house we would all pitch in to help clean it up before we left or at least make a genuine offer to help. Some moms would just shoo us away prefering to do things their way, but we offered. Whether DSD is home for just a few days over break or a longer period of time shouldn't make a difference to the rules.
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Old December 31st, 2012, 12:41 PM
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Re: I over reacted

[quote=KayKay;57867]Ooooookay. So the issue is (1) the double standard YEAP


and (2) your lack of parental authority over DSD. NOPE, when I can ignore it = not my child, not my problem

quote]


Normally, when one of the kids does the he/she did ____ I tell DS he needs to talk to DSD, when DH tells me that DSD told him that DS did ___ I say DSD needs to talk to DS
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Old December 31st, 2012, 12:43 PM
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Re: I over reacted

But it's your home...
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