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  #31  
Old January 9th, 2010, 07:19 PM
ladydi ladydi is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Thanks so much for writing to me...
Arggggg the guy has some good things about him, but at 33 he has lots of things against him too.
I hope this is just a lesson in her life...she could have soooooooo much more.
My daughter listens to me quite a bit, which Im so glad for (I have been single parent with her for 17 years).
You want so much to see your kids do well...
I dont want her to be on the side of poor(we have been scraping by forever).
I want to move from here...Im hoping she will come too.
I sure hope he doesnt hitchike with her...and to some wild festival.
Its like my worst nightmare...
I told her to always have enough money on her to be independant if someone should let her down, or be miserable to her...and a cell phone.
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  #32  
Old January 11th, 2010, 08:12 AM
Larry_Tamas Larry_Tamas is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about this situation...but your daughter is 25 years old, so whilst this might not be what you chose for her...she is old enough to make her own choices.

I know its painful when you can see that they are not "right"...but what else can you do? The more you try to pull her away from this guy, the more chance she will reject you, and thats the last thing anybody wants.
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  #33  
Old January 11th, 2010, 11:27 PM
ladydi ladydi is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Nope...
she is 20..
he is 33...
she still lives at home with me....
This is her first real boyfriend...
She hasnt even got her foot out the door...
Im thinking he is at a different place in his life, cause he is 13.5 years older than her.
He's all serious...
Im worried....
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  #34  
Old March 5th, 2010, 09:27 AM
windscape windscape is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Hi..just want to share my situation being I'm in the daughter side. I admit that I'm currently with a loser-type of guy. He has no stable job, only part-time though. He's also older than me by 6 years. He's no plans for the future. He doesn't want me introduced to his family and friends because he's some kind of an outcast.

I, on the other hand, known by my family and friends as an achiever, getting good grades, having stepped in post grad studies, and earning money on my own, which by the way is way greater than my bf.

I know how you feel just as how my mother feels about me. I have a clear picture of what's my life going to be if I plan be with him for all my life. I admit that I love him but I also admit that I don't want to suffer in the end. It's just that I still can't step out of the relationship.

I feel sorry for what had happened to some of your daughter but for others who still have hope, just keep your daughter be reminded of your love, care and support. Hopefully they'll gonna accept the fact that they can't live a good life in the end. And hopefully we're all going to find the perfect relationship we want. Perhaps this is not just the time to let go of our current relationship. Have faith in your daughters and your love for them.
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  #35  
Old March 5th, 2010, 01:49 PM
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Welcome, windscape! That's a very encouraging post... thank you for it. I hope it brings comfort to someone.

I have to admit that my dad didn't think my DH was a winner at the beginning. But many years later he admitted to me (and more importantly to DH along with an apology) that he was wrong.

If you don't mind me asking - why aren't you able to step out of the relationship? Do you see yourself with your BF forever? Before DH I had a couple of guys I dated that I didn't want to break up with because they were good boyfriends in some form or fashion. (I wouldn't call any of them losers... but I knew they weren't The One).
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  #36  
Old May 30th, 2010, 05:19 PM
ladydi ladydi is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Thanks everyone...
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  #37  
Old May 30th, 2010, 05:24 PM
ladydi ladydi is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

fingers always crossed...
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  #38  
Old March 29th, 2012, 02:35 PM
cmc cmc is offline
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

Well, I guess this is a problem that a lot of daughters have. My 19 year old daughter just moved out to live with her "boyfriend" of only 3 weeks, into his mother's house. She has been told that she is giving up her car, her college tuition, and any financial support from us. He works barely part-time, is a high school drop-out, drives a crappy SUV, and dresses like some gang-banger with his pants hanging down and tattoos all over. When I went to pick my daughter up to talk to her I asked him if I could talk to him too, and he just walked away. When I called him out, asking him if he was too much of a coward to talk to me like a man, he started cursing at me and threatening me and told me to get the f off of his property, and my daughter just sat there with her head in her hands. I left. He called me later to apologize, only I believe because my daughter had told him she would leave him. He was crying like a baby. My daughter thinks his apology should be enough, but I told her his behavior only shows his true character. He monitors her phone calls, having her put my calls on speaker phone, and her texts, and has made her remove her Facebook page. I am absolutely stunned at her stupidity. My husband and I are college educated, live in a nice neighborhood, and have sacrificed to give her a good life, the opportunity for a college education, bought her a used car, and still she will sacrifice everything for this punk because she looooooooves him!! Now I am torn between wanting to banish her and this punk, or having to accept him in order to keep my daughter in my life. I don't think I can stomach it. I am hoping the lack of funds will bring my daughter to her senses, she only makes about $150.00 a week. And can you believe the gall of his mother allowing this all to happen under her roof? I can't wait to meet her. I am sure she is thrilled that her son finally found someone stupid enough to support him, and hopes he will be able to move out now that he has her income to spend. God please help me, and that is my sincere and heartfelt prayer. I told my friend I feel like I am standing in front of a trash can tearing up all the pictures I had in my mind of the kind of life my daughter would make for herself. All in the trash.
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  #39  
Old March 29th, 2012, 02:37 PM
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

(((hugs)))
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  #40  
Old March 29th, 2012, 02:59 PM
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Re: Daughter dating a 'loser'

She's only 19, cmc. Hang in there. It's a tough life lesson, but she's got to learn it. Was she relatively sheltered growing up? There's a thrill in dating a "bad boy." If your daughter learned the lessons that you taught her growing up, she'll return to her roots. Just make sure she knows that you're there for her. She'll leave him when she's ready, and knowing that she has a place to go will help.


My dad's motto was always "Treat them like a member of the family and pray that they aren't."
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