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Old September 8th, 2007, 09:38 PM
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My son, my youngest, my baby...

My son is twenty-five years old and lives with my husband and myself. He has been a lost soul for many years and angry ever since I can remember. He has lived with all his friends, not worked, worked, and when he was about 21 I discovered he was an alcoholic, that about tore me apart, but I moved past it.

Well two years ago he moved back into town and could not get his act together to save his life. Fast food jobs were not enabling him to pay court fines and live. So, I had had it. I made the decision to pay off all these fines and get him a job where I work and I had him move back home. My husband and I decided that we were going to get this kid on his feet once and for all and make sure he had the tools he would need to move out on his own and succeed. He was very appreciative and it really helped him get on his feet. Out of my three kids he is the best one to live with us because he is so quiet we rarely even know he is home. He doesnít make a mess and he makes for a really good roommate.

We made a payment schedule and he stuck with it to a T. That was 7 months ago. He has paid me off and owes me only for minor things.

Well all this sounds good so far right? Wrong! He canít save money to save his life and I canít figure out what the heck he is doing with all this money and I mean at least $1500.00 a month! He has absolutely nothing to show for it.

I certainly know how he acts when he is drinking, I know how he looks when he is smoking pot, no jittery movements like coke, or anything I have read or heard about so I just never could put my finger on it but being a mom I KNEW there was something going on I just didnít know what.

Well last Thursday morning, I was getting stuff together for our trip to California (which if you all are following my life you will know all about that). Under my sons bed there are large drawers where I had some throw pillows stored and along with the pillows I found a tobacco box that I am quite familiar with. Inside that little box was a ton of teeny tiny tin foil wrappers, tiny pieces of a plastic type paper, and teeny tiny balloons. My heart dropped and I walked over to the computer and looked up Illegal Drug recognition.

There it was, in living color HEROIN. I was sick to my stomach and I about lost it right then and there. I searched and searched for a different answer but web page after web page I got heroin.

Now before I go any further, if I were to write a story about my life I would definitely have to file it under fiction because no one would ever believe it was true. This story too is getting to be a book so I will stop it here and pick up part II tomorrow. Thanks for listening to me babbleÖ this writing is turning into excellent therapy.

Virginia
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Old September 8th, 2007, 09:46 PM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

I'm so sorry Virginia... heroin is a nasty drug... even the best kids get addicted... i'll follow your story
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Old September 8th, 2007, 11:10 PM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

Oh this is so sad Virginiann. I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

Did he go to rehab for his drinking? Or AA meetings or anything?
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Old September 8th, 2007, 11:40 PM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

V..... You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old September 9th, 2007, 02:05 AM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

(((Virginia)))

I am so sorry! That has to be a parent's greatest fear, well it is mine, and I don't know many who have answers as to how to help their kids with that addiction.

All I know is those that want to get clean have only done so when they have reahed the absolute pits of despair and they are left with only two options, the most positive one is to get clean. The only way they reach that low is when they are left with absolutely nothing and that is hard for a parent to face that the only way they may be able to help their child is to basically turn their backs - tough love to the extreme. Anything else, any comfort zone at all no matter how small and that enables the kids to continue - b/c they have no reason to stop. I've not heard about any other way to successfully overcome it.

I hope you are going to post with a positive outcome on your story - if not, know that we are all here for you.
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Old September 9th, 2007, 06:25 AM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

Man, that's awful. I'm sorry that you had to find that.
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Old September 9th, 2007, 08:53 AM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
All I know is those that want to get clean have only done so when they have reahed the absolute pits of despair and they are left with only two options, the most positive one is to get clean. The only way they reach that low is when they are left with absolutely nothing and that is hard for a parent to face that the only way they may be able to help their child is to basically turn their backs - tough love to the extreme. Anything else, any comfort zone at all no matter how small and that enables the kids to continue - b/c they have no reason to stop. I've not heard about any other way to successfully overcome it.
This is the only way I know of too. We know a family whose son went through drugs, theft and prostitution. They did not follow the above. They were enablers and this kid just can't get clean. And he's now in his mid-30's. They give excuse after excuse. They let their hearts rule instead of their brain. This is so sad Virginiann. Are you considering getting him into a rehab program?

I wanted to add, if affordability is an issue, the family I am speaking about had to put their son on SSI as this is considered a disability. I don't know anything about going on SSI, but thought you should know of the option. I have heard it can take awhile to get, and you may need an SSI attorney to rush it through. Stay strong. This has got to be very difficult for you.

Last edited by Beth; September 9th, 2007 at 09:04 AM.
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Old September 9th, 2007, 11:00 PM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

Part II
I had to go to work that day and fortunately, I have the most awesome boss. I tried real hard to concentrate on working but within one hour I was completely falling apart. I went and talked to him and he told me to go right away and call our HR Behavioral Health Department and get advice on what to do.
They hooked me up with a psychologist and he told me how to confront my son. So I told my son I wasn’t feeling well and that I needed a ride home. (Just to refresh your memory we work together and he gets off at 5:30pm and I get off at 10:00pm).

On our ride home (it was payday) he kept saying “I hope my check is there”. I kept thinking, “I bet you do”. I tried to get him to stop for a quick dinner because that is what was suggested, to confront him in a public place. But he was not going for it. So we went straight home, yes his check was in the mail.

As soon as we got in the house I had him sit down and I told him what I had found, just as matter of fact as I could, without emotion, without accusations and with much concern. I told him I loved him and we can get through this. At first he got all mad and went into his room and complained about not having any privacy. He walked to the front door to leave to cash his check and I was able to get out “will you be back tonight”? He said “yes” and left.

His buddies live about 40 minutes away so I figured he would cash his check and go there. But within 90 minutes the door opened and he walked in, sat down on the couch and said, “Mom I have a problem, I’m addicted to Heroin”. He just sat there and cried. I held onto him and cried with him and I told him that we would fix it, I would help him and so this began our journey to detox. This all took place Thursday before last. August 30, 2007. I will never forget that date. It now feels like time has stood still since then.

I hate to do this but there is definitely going to have to be a part III to my story. I promise I will finish the rest tomorrow.

I’m looking forward to your comments….
Virginia
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Old September 10th, 2007, 04:16 PM
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My son, my youngest, my baby...Part III

Part III

My son finally admitted himself to a good detox center locally at 4:00 p.m. I went to my first FA (Family Anonymous) meeting Thursday night and I drove past the place and saw his vehicle parked there, so that was good. On my way home from there I looked again and the truck was still there.

It is always comforting to know that you are not alone in crisis like this. These people (FA) were so open and honest and extremely supportive. I have never met anyone like this. The whole thing is not to judge, not to give advice and to only offer your experiences.

Friday night at 6:00 the front door opens and it was him. I was so shocked, the whole time he told me his complaints about the place, he was cold, he was claustrophobic in that room, and they only let him out once an hour, no windows in the room. He couldn't remember my phone number and they wouldn't let him have his phone to get the number, the list went on and on. He said "don't look at me like that, mom I tried, I really tried". He kept saying, "If I could just get a Rx for the Suboxone, I know I could do this at home". He broke down again and all I could do was hold him and cry with him and let him know he was not alone and we can fix this. (A phrase us co-dependent please know oh so well).

Suboxone is a drug that they now use to detox from heroin. I had never heard of it. I just remember hearing about Methadone from movies and TV.

Up until this point I was really feeling guilty for taking a leave of absence because I have always thought it best to work though major stumbling blocks that life seems to put in our way. However it was my boss who insisted I take some time off and now I know that God was watching out for me and preparing the way that I would need these next few weeks.

I got busy and started reading everything I could on detoxing at home and I ended up at http://www.suboxone.com There is a list of doctors trained to administer the Suboxone as an outpatient. So I got on the phone (it is now Saturday morning) and called the whole list, I don't know how many maybe 20-25 doctors. I finally got a hold of one who could not see him until Tuesday (tomorrow) but she told me what to do and if I had any Vicoden and if I did to give him two every 4 hours and then none from 10pm Monday night on.

So he has been here and I have made sure he feels safe and I have watched him sweat, freeze, and twitch. I bring him Gatorade to keep him hydrated and give him his pain meds every 4 hours. It satisfies my co-dependent needs. I’m working real hard to give him space and not to question him. Man that is so hard when I have a million questions.

I have also attended an online FA meeting. It is very cool, it is in real time and they use a program called Ventrilo. You hear and speak just like if you were on a speaker phone. I don't know how I would cope if it weren't for all this support. I've never seen any of my children break down as I have seen my youngest these past days. He is becoming less and less irritable and more like him every day. Last night I even saw him smile and laugh for the first time in ages. We have been spending every waking moment together and getting along! I have hope but not blind hope. I know this can fall apart any second.

My son’s only big worry is his job. I told him that all should be fine I hope and the most important thing is to concentrate on getting well.

I seem to hold it all together as long as I stay at home. The few times I went to the store, something triggers in my brain and all I can think about is how I am the mother of a heroin addict. It's crazy and so surreal. I’ve never even know anyone who did more than pot. I was totally ignorant to any serious street drugs.

I am learning every day what it is to set boundaries and to recite the serenity prayer several times a day and to not beat myself up, that it isn’t my fault. All of that is easier said than done and unless you have gone though it you have no idea the hurt that goes with knowing I am the mother of a heroin addict.


I have been on the phone this morning and this afternoon trying to make sure his insurance covers this whole ordeal. One of those pills at a dose of 2mg is $325.00 the 8mg is $575.00. A 30 day supply of the 8mg totals $17,250.00 The first office visit is $500.00. Each visit there after is $75.00.


His insurance will pay 60% and the co-pay for the drug is $40.00. I can't tell you how much I have prayed that his insurance covers all this. It would pay 100% but this doctor (which by the way is a full blown psychiatrist. I didn't think anyone saw them anymore) is not 'in network' so he has to pay the 40%. He would have to go back to the detox center if his insurance didn't cover it.


Now here is a whole 'nother thing to think about. All those drug addicts that are just crawling the streets, we as a country are paying that much and more per person though our 'free' clinics and our taxes, every single day. But what the hell we all have the mentality that what ever people do behind their closed doors doesn't affect us.... but then that is a whole different thread...


Thanks for listening to me vent, cry and hope.

V.

Last edited by Virginiann; September 10th, 2007 at 04:24 PM.
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Old September 10th, 2007, 04:29 PM
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Re: My son, my youngest, my baby...

V.,

I am so happy you found a support system you can count it. That has to be so important at this difficult time. I hope all goes well at the doctor tomorrow. Please know you are in my thoughts. I hope everything works out for the best for you and your son.
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