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Old February 1st, 2015, 07:04 AM
Dk84 Dk84 is offline
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Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

My Parents found girl for me 3 years ago and soon me and girl fall in love and feelings. Due to some family misunderstandings and their poor financial background, my parents cancelled almost planned marriage, which was kinda shock to me and my girl. Even though everything was cancelled me and my girl were in touch and came very close by feelings in the hope that one day my parents will understand our feeling.

Currently i am in Canada and my family and girl friend are in india. On back of me, my parents kept calling my girl and her parents and abused them. In front of me they behaved like they only want to see my happiness and can do anything for me. They showed two faces.

Today they emotionally tourcherd me and pressured me to marry me a girl where I am not happy at all. They knew even before marriage that I was crying like anything to get marry to my girl but they played mind game with me to salvage only their ego, respect and happiness in society. Today everything happened as per their plans and wish but still they keep calling my girlfriend's parents and abuse them.

I am very sad, lonely and helpless today, even knowing everything I can't do much, me and my girlfriend in deep love with each other and can't live without each other, we faught very hard for this relation for 3 years but my parents messed up everything. She is still waiting for miracle and so am I.

Please suggest friends what should I do as this situation and my parents behaviour killing me every single day.
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Old February 1st, 2015, 09:59 AM
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Mrs X Mrs X is offline
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Re: Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

Hi DK84, is eloping an option?- I have friends from India who felt this was their only option. (This was 20 years ago though, not at all sure if this is a possibility these days)? - Whatever you do, don't marry the new girl!
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Old February 1st, 2015, 10:16 AM
Dk84 Dk84 is offline
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Re: Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

I am already married a week ago but that happened in worst scenario as my family parents played a bad politics with my heart feelings and mind. My sisters and brother in law supported them well.

Me and my girl friend can't live without each other but I don't know how to make out way. I haven't spoken to my parents for last 10 days and they are feeling bad about it. They are still keep calling my girl friends parents and abusing them.

I am so helpless and frustrated with their this kind of behaviour.
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Old February 1st, 2015, 10:37 AM
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Re: Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

What are the options in your culture? Can you divorce your now wife? Will that harm her? How does she feel about the situation?
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Old February 1st, 2015, 01:23 PM
Dk84 Dk84 is offline
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Re: Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

Yes, I can divorce my wife but problem is that she is so sensitive and my parents can do anything to avoid divorcé as this marriage took place as per their wish. She and her parents may get hurt because of this, but I feel instead living with the pain of unhappy for rest of the life, I would like her to settle down at new place where she can get love, happiness and respect as both of us can not carry burden of this relationship for next 40 years because of my parents ego and selfishness.

but since I know nature of my parents, they are the biggest threat and on the other hand my girl friend is fighting with her family and society for last 3 years to defend her choice and love, I also feel I can't live without her and so does she, in this circumstances I can't keep my present wife happy for sure, but I don't know how to handle this situation and whom to approach for help.
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Old February 1st, 2015, 01:52 PM
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Re: Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

It's difficult for me to suggest anything, as I am not very familiar with the culture of arranged marriages.

It seems that you have two choices. You can divorce your wife and marry the girl you love, or you can stay married and make the best of it.

You need to sit down and make a list of what the benefits and detriments are to each choice. Is hurting your parents and your wife worth making yourself happy? Will your wife be better off not married to you if you are in love with someone else?


Have you actually sat down with your new wife and explained the situation? Surely, with such a long history of arranged marriages in your culture, there will be someone who can advise you?
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Old February 1st, 2015, 01:57 PM
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Smile Re: Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

Hi DK84 I understand Indian culture is quite strict and reserved and that most people have arranged marriages.

I guess you have to ask your girlfriend would she be willing to run away with you?...and forget about her parents?....If not then your question is answered for you. If yes you can write your new wife a letter explaining what has happened and that you are leaving her to find someone who will be married to her for the rest of her life,and that what is happening isn't her fault at all most importantly. I guess you will have to sit down and realise if you can leave both your families behind and start a life together elsewhere with your girlfriend,if you cant see this happening, and if one person doesnt want to loose their family,again your question is answered for you.

Its a very tough one....all the best with your decision and future.
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Old February 2nd, 2015, 02:28 PM
Dk84 Dk84 is offline
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Re: Parents weird behaviour and forced marriage

Yes, my girl friend is very much happy with me and in deep love and will be willing to run away with me, but she is very much scared of my family so am I. My family can do any kind of damage to my girl friend's family and on top of that my family will also have to deal with my wife and her family.

I am very much confused as 28th January, the day I left from India to Canada, I went to my girl friend's town and her office to apologies her, but in spite of knowing I have married, she was very much happy with me we spent whole day together along with her close friend. We discussed situation and tried to figure out if I can convince my wife to leave me and about our love, but apart from that me and my girl friend cried a lot on airport when I was departing and we realized that whatever the situation, as long as we are together we are happy and don't care about the world.

But now I am here in Canada and my girl friend is very much scared of her parents, my family and our future. My wife has also started bugging me about getting visa for her as soon as I can. I haven't spoken to my parents since last 10 days the way they treated me this time around, I can't simply forget those painful days I spent with them.
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