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Old August 9th, 2013, 10:07 PM
burgerqueen burgerqueen is offline
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Overbearing, controlling parents

I am 27 years old female and the best thing about my life is I live six hours drive from my parents.

My parents are devoted catholic, overbearing, typical asian, immigrant parents. They are overbearing, controlling , micromanaging and manipulative. I donít know who is worse, my mother or my father. They are equally as bad as each other.

They told me what to study in high school, when to sleep, when to go out, what to wear, what friends to have. If I disobeyed them, there was lots of hysterics from my mum and lots of shouting, yelling, throwing things around and occasional slaps from my father.

I chose a university 8 hours drive from them, and they uprooted their lives, to come and live with me while I went to university so they could keep an eye on me. I then chose to work after university, 8 hours away from the university, in the city and have been living by myself, financially independent for the past three years. They even have borrowed money off me ($30,000), with no sight of them paying me back currently.

They try ring everyday, and if I donít pick up, they leave 8-10 misscalls.
They are very very very inquisitve about my life but if I share anything, they start freaking out over nothing.
They demand a reason why I donít answer my phone.
They tell me to go to church, which I donít of course.
They come and stay with me every month, whether it suits me or not. During the time, my mum cooks large amounts of food which I throw away when they go, and cleans my room going through all my belongings. They do it on the context that they think Iím too busy to eat or clean my room etc. Its also a given that I attend church during that time.

Recently they have been talking about moving to the city where I am living to live together because they donít want me living by myself. The main reason they want to come up is so they can keep an eye on me and find a suitable man for me to marry.

I never have visited my parents in the past three years.
I feel horrible about myself and dread when I have to talk to them.
My phone is on silent all the time.
Iím scared that I will end up marrying someone just so I can get my parents off my back.
Iím scared that even though I am a grown up, educated, fully finaicially independent woman, I will never be emotionally or mentally independent from my parents.

I love my parents but hate them at the same time. Iím not sure how to make it better. To be honest, and it is such a terrible thing to say, but Im not sure if I would be unhappy if I didnít see them or hear from them for a long time.

Sorry about the long post, but I feel better after that vent!
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Old August 9th, 2013, 10:56 PM
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Mrs X Mrs X is offline
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Re: Overbearing, controlling parents

Hi bergerqueen, and welcome. It sounds as though you could use a few tools to help you be assertive towards your parents, can you check out assertiveness training in your area? - They don't teach you how to yell and scream by the way, they give you tools to handle difficult situations and people with dignity and resolution.
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Old August 10th, 2013, 08:14 AM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Overbearing, controlling parents

an additional option might be counciling

( you could always get a PO Box, give that address to your parents & move to a new place/don't tell them where - this is being tounge in cheek - however, the fact that you're reaching out and feel that you may marry just to get them off your back speaks loudly - and, btw - once you get married it won't change anything, they'll start in about kids)
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