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  #21  
Old March 12th, 2013, 05:33 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

I agree - it was brave.

And when it gets hard (btdt) don't drop out ().
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  #22  
Old March 19th, 2013, 06:25 AM
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

I'm so sad you had to go through all that! It was hard even reading what you wrote. I can't imagine having to live it.

Echoing the advice of others regarding counselors - you might have to try a few before you find a good fit. I know in academia there can be a tendency to support behavior like your father's. I've had professors show their support for child-adult sexual interactions and non-consensual incest. (Maybe I just went to a weird school though.) If you get a counselor who tries to say anything like that - don't listen and don't go back!
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  #23  
Old April 23rd, 2013, 08:11 AM
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

I've been going to the counselor for a few weeks now. Overall, she's been very helpful. I still feel a little awkward at times when she just stares at me and waiting for me to say something, but I guess that's what therapists are supposed to do. Ever since the therapy sessions started, I've been going through a series of feelings... from sadness, to confusion, to anger, and back to sadness, etc.

I've talked to my brother and he said that he's very sad and sorry. He's sad that the family he used to know is instantly gone, and that he's sorry because he couldn't help me much.

At this point, I'm at the point of deciding whether to cut off ties with my parents completely or not. One thing my brother asked me was that I talk to my parents and explain why I am cutting off ties, so that my parents can make a final decision too. According to him, my mom is very sick from all the stress and that they did not look good at all.

Going back a little bit, I had an argument with my parents and they said not to ever call again, but they emailed me a few days ago criticizing every single thing I did and said they were sorely disappointed about me not calling them for 2 months. At first, I thought they don't even deserve to know or be at my wedding (or even know that they are not invited to my wedding). They probably have no idea why I am like this, because they have always been the "right" ones.

Do you think it's worth my effort and energy to let them know that I'm cutting off ties and explaining why I am doing this?
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  #24  
Old April 23rd, 2013, 10:01 AM
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

I think it depends on what *you* need. I wouldn't be opposed to you doing it, but only if it will help YOU move forward. Honestly, all I think it will do is give your parents an opportunity to argue with you. Anytime you communicate with them, they will try to regain control. If you feel strong enough to withstand that, you can let them know you are cutting ties.

Personally, I don't think they are owed any explanation. I think it's pretty self-evident what they did wrong.
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  #25  
Old April 23rd, 2013, 02:12 PM
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

Hi. I read your posts on this from the begining. I'm so sorry you've been subjected to this kind of abuse. I have to restrain myself here because it makes me so angry for anyone to be abused like you have been.
Since your an adult now, I would suggest you only keep in contact with your brother.
Parents are supposed to keep you safe. Yours did not. I suppose there are many others who have been thru what you've gone thru. I would see if there is a support group for abused children/adults.
If it were me, I would never have anything to do with either one of them again.
Don't have your wedding day spoiled.
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  #26  
Old May 29th, 2013, 09:47 AM
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

Thank you for reading my posts.

Recently, my dad "threatened" to cut off ties himself if I don't call him back by a certain date (his wording was "if you don't call us by xyz date, we'll take it that as you cutting off ties with us"). Because I have already decided to cut off ties with my dad at least, I didn't call back. I'm still torn about whether to keep in touch with my mom... she probably won't be willing to see/talk to me by herself.

And then when the time for tasting (for my wedding) came, my dad left me a message saying that if I don't call him back, then he'll just show up. I was worried that he'll ruin the tasting (and probably wedding), so I emailed him briefly saying that if he comes, I'll call the police. Of course, he took this badly and replied saying he'll come anyway even if there's police. I didn't reply to this email, but he never showed up at the tasting.

Then, a few days later, he sent me another email saying how he's sorry, and how he and mom love me and that they'll always be there if I want to talk to them again. He said himself in the email that if he "pushed" harder, I would listen to them again.

It was hard for me at first to see how manipulative my dad was, but after going through this now, I can see his manipulative tricks. And of course, my mom is doing nothing in this process.

He probably still has no idea why I'm not talking to him. He seems to think that what he did to me all those years were for my sake and that even if I was traumatized by his actions, it's not that serious. Thanks for allowing me to vent...
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  #27  
Old May 29th, 2013, 10:13 AM
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

He knows it is serious. He knows what he has done is wrong. What he and your mother are doing is trying to manipulate you so you do not expose the family shame. So you do not expose them for who they are, and you do not expose them for what they have done.

It is THEIR shame not yours. You have done nothing wrong. You need to not contact them at all. However, you need to keep all the communications they have sent you for evidence. You may be able to get an RO on them.

They do not deserve to be in your life, don't allow them to manipulate you into thinking it is a privilege for you to be in theirs.

They are scared that their actions will come to light and so they should be and their actions need to come out, to protect other people.
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  #28  
Old May 29th, 2013, 04:00 PM
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Re: Sexually molested by father as a teenager

ITA w/Annsdil


btw - ((hugs)) and keep up the spine 'o steel

set your boundries now, and stick to them = never having to worry about your kids w/your father
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