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Old July 26th, 2013, 11:21 PM
itried itried is offline
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My parents kicked me out for travelling with my boyfriend

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here and really need some advice. I am 24 years old of Asian background (Philippines) my parents are very strict, traditional and religious.

We move to Australia when I was 16. My parents only ever allow me to be out until 10pm up until I was 22 and if I'm not home by then I get numerous phone angry phone calls from them asking me to come home. I kind of rebelled a bit and started staying out til midnight but that's about it as I still fear my dad.

Recently I introduced them to my boyfriend, they know him as we have been friends for almost 5 years now and been going out for almost a year. My boyfriend and I have planned to travel together and because I was scared of my dad I never mentioned it to them.

Just the other day we told them that we are planning to travel, I told my parents I want to go and I am going but I would be happy if I get their permission/approval. My dad straight up said no as this is against his principle but mentioned that I am old enough and should make my own decision.

I decided to go and travel and have book flights and accommodation, I told my parents this (we are leaving next Wednesday and coming back the following Wednesday) This morning my parents had a chat with me and told me that since my bf and I are making our own decisions now, he wants me to move out and just live with my boyfriend as he does not want what we are doing.

I told him that I am not ready to do that yet but will move out by myself if that is how he feels.

I feel very hurt and disappointed with the situation as I feel that my parents have now abandoned me. I have decided to move out by myself even though my boyfriend is more than happy to move in with me.

Am I really that bad of a daughter for my parents to kick me out of home? Any advise will be appreciated.

PS I work and pay rent to my parents and pay bills as well. I also buy my own food and have never asked my parents money ever since I started working which was when I was 16. They also owe me money (about $5000) which I know they have no plans of paying back as the last time I mentioned this they told me I was ungrateful

Last edited by itried; July 26th, 2013 at 11:27 PM.
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Old July 27th, 2013, 12:19 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: My parents kicked me out for travelling with my boyfriend

You are not a bad person. Just someone who's parents can't accept you are an adult. It may be a cultural thing or it may just be to do with your parents. I suspect a bit of both.

That you are prepared to move out but not feel you need to move in with your boyfriend because you know you are not ready proves you are an adult in both age and maturity. Find yourself somewhere to live and prove you don't need mom and dad. They will then have two choices; to accept the life you have chosen for your self or to not. But stand your ground believing and knowing what it is YOU want from your life and making it so.
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Old July 27th, 2013, 07:47 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: My parents kicked me out for travelling with my boyfriend

I'm sorry that your parents gave you no choice. You will be alright, as Annsdil has pointed out how prepared you are. I suspect they will regret their decision, but their regret should not be your problem.

Enjoy your trip!
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Old July 27th, 2013, 01:37 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: My parents kicked me out for travelling with my boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by itried View Post
This morning my parents had a chat with me and told me that since my bf and I are making our own decisions now, he wants me to move out and just live with my boyfriend as he does not want what we are doing.

I told him that I am not ready to do that yet but will move out by myself if that is how he feels.

I feel very hurt and disappointed with the situation as I feel that my parents have now abandoned me. I have decided to move out by myself even though my boyfriend is more than happy to move in with me.

Am I really that bad of a daughter for my parents to kick me out of home?
Keeping in mind that there are cultural differences at play, here's my opinion.

I don't think you should feel abandoned, hurt, or disappointed. I think your father is correct. You are 24 years old, you are able to support yourself, and you are making your own decisions. That is (IMO) as it should be.

Your father has a right to decide what the rules are for his house. My opinion is that they were perhaps a bit too strict, but nonetheless... his house, his rules.

I don't think any of this is you being a bad daughter or him being an unreasonable father. I think being able to support oneself, making ones own decisions and moving out is the natural progression of things. It is in my culture, anyway. I'm not sure about yours.
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Old July 29th, 2013, 12:15 AM
sjs sjs is offline
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Re: My parents kicked me out for travelling with my boyfriend

I think sometimes Asian parents use threatening methods to control their children. My parents (mostly my dad) were very controlling. When I last got into a huge argument with my dad, he later sent me an email explaining that if he was more strict, he thought I would return back to "normal."

If your dad is very controlling like mine, he might have said certain things to "threaten" you. Based on my experience, I'm guessing that he told you to move out because he's angry right now and he wants you to become "normal" again, his obedient daughter that just listens to everything he says.

My parents tried very hard to make me break up with my fiance. They even tried to introduce me to another man, just because they were unhappy about me deciding to date on my own, without their permission.

In my opinion, I think you are ready to live on your own (perhaps with your boyfriend if he's the one you truly love and can trust). It'll be tough at first because your parents will not be happy about this. To give you an example, my parents told me that I can't live with my fiance unless I give them a marriage certificate as a proof that we're legally bound. I don't know if your parents will do the same. But show them that you're an independent woman, be in a responsible relationship, and capable of taking care of yourself.

I felt so guilty at first, because I thought I was being a bad daughter too. After all, my parents immigrated to America so that I could get a better education, career, and future. But we can't live our lives to satisfy our parents, we'll never be 100% happy if we constantly worry about our parents' approval/satisfaction.
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