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Old July 3rd, 2013, 10:24 PM
1924 1924 is offline
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Should I visit my mom in jail? Does she have the right to tell me what to do anymore?

my mother is going to jail for eight months for forgery related charges. My dad asked if I want to visit her sometime because he said she would appreciate a visit and it could be an "educational experience" (What does that mean?)


I have no problem with my mother and other than this misdeed she was a good mother but I don't know if I should subject myself to go into a jail just to see her for a while. Does anyone know what it is like there and how the visiting works? I am a 14 year old girl by the way. Also, what can we talk about in the short time we probably have?

My best friend joked ""maybe it will remind your mom how it feels when she punishes you. when she comes back, things might be a little different". Even though she is joking she has a point. Kind of funny to think she is in the punishment situation now

also, my dad said I still have to listen to my mother when she gets out and even when she is jail if she calls and he wants her opinion on something he will listen. I don't understand how he can do this. I mean like I said I don't hate my mom or anything and had a good relationship with her but now that she committed a crime, her telling what to do would be hypocritical

in fact it seems my dad is enabling my mother. Before she has to go my dad is helping her find information on what you should do before entering jail and also said we will all do something together on the day before she goes. I don't know if this is enabling but I have been told it is
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Old July 4th, 2013, 12:20 AM
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Mrs X Mrs X is offline
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Re: Should I visit my mom in jail? Does she have the right to tell me what to do anym

Hi 1924 and welcome. What a difficult situation. Would you be able to make an appointment with your school counsellor and talk it over with them? - I think the situation is pretty sensitive, and maybe you would be better with a face to face discussion.

Please note, If you were someone in my life, and wanted to visit your mother, i would take you, but absolutely your decision.
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Old July 4th, 2013, 08:23 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Should I visit my mom in jail? Does she have the right to tell me what to do anym

What your dad is doing is not enabling. Enabling is when a person has a "bad," destructive behavior (such as an alcoholic) and another person helps them continue the behavior (such as buying alcohol for the alcoholic). Your mom has committed a crime and is now facing up to the punishment. That is not a destructive behavior, that is a redemptive behavior. Your dad is trying to help her be less afraid of it and I think he is trying to hold the family together. That is loving behavior, not enabling.

You mom may have committed a crime, but she is still a person. She is still married to your dad and he probably still loves her. It seems that she cares about you and you say she is a good mom. It was wrong of her to commit the crime, but that doesn't mean she suddenly stopped caring about you and now has no more responsibility towards raising you!

I understand that you are scared to go visit your mom, but I think you ought to try to do it. I think if you don't go, you'll be hurting your relationship with her and will regret not going in the long run (maybe ten years from now).

Also, about what your BF says... there is a really big difference between the punishment your mom gives you as a teenager and the punishment she is getting for the forgery charges.

I like Mrs X's idea - does your school have a counselor you can talk to?
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Old July 4th, 2013, 09:07 AM
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Re: Should I visit my mom in jail? Does she have the right to tell me what to do anym

((hugs))


I agree with the others -


your dad's "educational experience" remark may mean that you'll get to see first hand what happens when you're caught breaking the law/what jail is like. From that experience you can chose if you want to follow laws, or break them - but you'll know the consequences of breaking them
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Old July 6th, 2013, 10:44 PM
Judah Ben Nun Judah Ben Nun is offline
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Re: Should I visit my mom in jail? Does she have the right to tell me what to do anym

Dear girl, your resentment of your mother's actions and your reluctance to submit to her authority are perfectly natural under the circumstances. You should not deny these feelings or feel guilty about them. You should, instead, recognize that your ability and willingness to verbalize them make you rather exceptional--and I hope they have some helping effect.

She is still your mother and you still must live with her, so compliance will often be your best option. But things are not the same, and they never will be. That's the way life is. It destroys some people, it makes others stronger. Which are you?
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