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Old July 19th, 2015, 10:38 PM
MusicMonkey111 MusicMonkey111 is offline
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Best Friend attitude and Hygiene problems

I'm hoping someone has had a similar experience and can help us.

My bf B and I have been trying to help our bf A but she won't listen to us. Ever since she tried to killer self over a guy in Feb she has given us attitude and let her hygiene really slip. The attitude comes and goes and is mostly directed at B. B took A's jobs (babysitting and Tupperware) but it only happened because A refused to shower or wear clean clothes so A's boss fired her and gave the jobs to B instead. A insists she doesn't smell but everything she touches ends up reaking of body over and she herself looks like a mess. She wears the same clothes almost everyday never changes her underwear and refuses to shower. She has had 3-4 job interviews in the last 2 months and another one coming up. She hasn't really gotten past the interview stage and has been told even time she needs to clean herself up
up.

B and I have tried talking to her but always get met with attitude and ended up getting yelled at. Being pregnant I don't need the stress and I'm at the point where I don't I have much of a friend left to save.
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Old July 20th, 2015, 05:01 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Best Friend attitude and Hygiene problems

Your friend is suffering with a major depression. She needs professional medical intervention. This can not be fixed with talking. She literally cannot do what you are asking her. Where are her parents?
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Old July 20th, 2015, 07:46 AM
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Re: Best Friend attitude and Hygiene problems

ITA with Lucy - she sounds majorly depressed, how old is she?


Does she flake out of plans?


If you have the inclination and the $$ - could you do a "treat" for the two of you and get your hair done? The feel of being pampered/partially clean might be an incentive to clean herself the rest of the way.
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Old July 20th, 2015, 09:56 AM
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Re: Best Friend attitude and Hygiene problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by snafu View Post
If you have the inclination and the $$ - could you do a "treat" for the two of you and get your hair done? The feel of being pampered/partially clean might be an incentive to clean herself the rest of the way.
That's really a neat idea!
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Old July 21st, 2015, 06:55 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Best Friend attitude and Hygiene problems

MusicMonkey111, this article might help you understand your friend a little bit, and it might help your friend know that help is available. Know that you are not responsible for your friend's illness or their wellness. Good luck!

Quote:
1. Depression distorts your thinking. When you are depressed, your mind can play tricks on you. If you have thoughts of suicide, please call someone immediately. Don't let a temporary glitch in your thinking cause you to harm yourself or another.

2. Depression makes you selfish. It's very hard to think of other people when you're wrapped in a prickly blanket of sadness, and all you can think about is your own pain. Be proactive and take the steps you need to heal.

3. Depression is experienced as anxiety 65 percent of the time. Make sure you get an accurate diagnosis, so you can get the most effective treatment available.

4. Persistent irritability can be a symptom of depression. If the world, your life, or your loved ones constantly tick you off, the cause might be something that's going on inside of you.

5. Chronic pain can be another symptom of depression. At the same time, being in continual discomfort can cause you to become depressed. When you are depressed and in pain, it can be hard to know which came first.

6. Alcohol is a depressant. So are marijuana and a host of other recreational or street drugs. Self-medication is not going to get you better and will surely make you worse over time. Remember that all medications, including anti-depressants, have side effects.

7. People don't choose to be depressed, but they do make a choice about how to deal with it. You can choose to do nothing, but denying that you have a problem will only make you feel worse.

8. The origin of depression can be situational and/or bio-chemical. If you are experiencing mild to moderate situational depression (resulting from the loss of a job, for example), counseling will help you. Most bio-chemical depressions that are moderate to severe are best treated with a combination of medicine and psychotherapy.

9. Depression can be as hard on your loved ones as it is on you. Those closest to you may start to feel unloved, and may distance themselves so they aren't pulled into your pain. Remember that others are counting on you.

10. Exercise is the easiest and least expensive cure for depression. Just walking 30 minutes a day will help you and sometimes completely alleviate your symptoms. For this very reason, many therapists take walks with clients instead of doing "couch time."
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...out-depression
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Old July 21st, 2015, 10:05 AM
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Re: Best Friend attitude and Hygiene problems

Thanks for posting that, Lucy. A lot of us are affected at different times with depression, either in ourselves or in loved ones, or even in coworkers! That article is a good reminder that to step out of the quagmire and analyze the situation objectively when we can.
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