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Other friendships Best friends, ex-friends, or any other friends

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Old May 2nd, 2014, 04:13 AM
SilverWolf1992 SilverWolf1992 is offline
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Advice Needed Badly

There's this girl that I was friends with during middle school and high school. Years passed with out either of us talking (I've always been a very shy person, so I just didn't know how to bring up the conversation).

Last year, I received a Facebook message from her. She had joined the Air Force and was now stationed with her husband in the city I'm living in. I was extremely excited and my fiance and I went to visit them that night. All went well. I did notice that she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, but I just thought she was really excited and I sat quietly and listened to what she had to say.

Over the course of the next month or so, we went to go visit them, have dinner, etc. It was around this time that I noticed that they weren't very responsible with their money. I know that this isn't any of my business, but I wanted to be a good friend, so I asked if they were saying up for the future. She said that there wasn't any reason to, that they were living in the here and now. I didn't agree but kept my mouth shut.

Over the course of the next few days, while talking to her, I listened while she bragged about how much they make, how they don't have to pay bills, how they throw away dishclothes because they don't want to wash them, etc. I kept my mouth shut during all this.

At the time, they had two puppies, an adult foo dog, a cat, and birds. They were angry because the military didn't allow that many pets, only two at a time. One morning, she texts me about how happy she was that they had gotten a new dog and had given away the puppies. Personally, my outlook is, that if you adopt an animal, they are your responsibility for the rest of their life. You don't just give them away for something prettier. I thought about it for an hour or so, really mulled it over, how I was going to respond. Finally, I decided to tell her what I thought. I wasn't rude, didn't curse or anything of the sort. I only told her that I was disappointed and tried to gently explain my reasoning behind it. She apparently didn't like what I had to say because she said she didn't want to talk anymore. That's where things truly went downhill.

I tried to apologize a few days later and she said it was all right, that we just didn't agree on certain things. Before I go on, there's a few things you must know about me. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for my whole life. Recently, it's gotten a lot worse, to the point I could no longer being myself to get out of bed to fill to college anymore. I've tried getting a job, but on the morning of my interview, I had a panic attack on the parking lot and couldn't go inside. I don't really have any friends to talk to other than my fiance of six years and he has a job, so I'm often extremely lonely. To be honest, before I found out she was living here, I hadn't come out of our bedroom in months, with the exception of going to the bathroom and shower. After this incident happened, my living conditions went back to the way they were but much, much worse.

When she asked how I was after the incident, I was honest and told her that I was depressed. She wouldn't say anything, so I would ask her how she was, to which she would tell me how perfect her life was, including "get, would you like to come over? We just bought a huge tv! Our house is starting to look like a home, finally!" I would see her buying and selling things on Facebook; expensive furniture, pets (oh dear, they went through so many pets... They got rid of their cat because he is allergic, then got a kitten months later, reptiles, fish, you name it and they probably had it.), as well as many, many other things. One hurt me especially deeply. Before the incident, I had used the last of my money to buy her a set of dishes, because at the time, they had none. I saw her selling them with the caption "someone please take this crap." It truly hurt and only made my depression worse.

At one point, I messaged her and apologized, but she told me to never being it up again. I continued to not talk to her, but my fiance decided to anyway because he couldn't stand song me like I was, seeing me hurt so much. He apologized again and she said that I had disrespected her and that she doesn't like sad people. She said she doesn't know how to deal with such people. It only took me a few days later to unfriend her on Facebook. I was happy that I finally had got up the courage to do it. I was no less depressed, but it was a small victory.

I was still upset over all that had happened, so I, against my better judgement, continued to moniter her posts, out of curiosity. Not only did I see her buying, then selling more expensive things when they got bored of them, but I noticed that they had moved into a rental home and bought a new car. And still they kept buying. One day, she announced that she's pregnant... I worry that once she has the child, she will give it away when she gets bored of it. Also, I don't know how this is possible, but she quit the Air Force apparently.

Months later, she sends me a friend request. I pondered whether or not I should accept, and I finally did, with the hope that perhaps she wanted to talk about what happened and straighten it out. Nothing of the sort happened. Weeks went by with absolutely nothing. Finally, I gave up again and unfriended her again. That was a few days ago.

Despite all that happened, I still want to work things out with her. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm extremely lonely. We used to be best friends back in school, but something changed. I just want to be friends again.

Please, can you give me some advice on what you would do in my shoes?

This is a side note, but I just discovered that the African Grey parrot she just bought, she "rehoming" for $700. She hasn't even had him for two weeks...

Last edited by SilverWolf1992; May 2nd, 2014 at 04:28 AM.
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  #2  
Old May 2nd, 2014, 05:20 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Advice Needed Badly

In your shoes, I would get my own priorities straight. Get some professional help for your depression. Once that is being treated successfully, you may find it easier to find friends that have the same values you do.

Good luck.
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Old May 2nd, 2014, 07:41 AM
Diamonds Diamonds is offline
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Re: Advice Needed Badly

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't feel bad about losing someone like her (or I'd try to). She doesn't hang out with you because she doesn't know how to "deal with sad people", really? If you would consider someone a friend, you don't generally name them "sad people", say you don't know how to "deal with them" and just leave them be and brag about how wonderful and perfect your life is?

She's not someone you need in your life, especially now. You need someone who cares about who you are, not someone who uses you to make herself feel better, because that's what it kinda seems like. She stopped talking to you because you expressed your thoughts and concerns? Not really friend material to me.

I agree with LucyVanPelt here. Try to find someone professional who can help you deal with your depression and then go from there. I bet there are some fora where you can find like minded people, meet people, make friends, ... She's not your priority right now and she shouldn't be a priority ever.
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Old May 2nd, 2014, 08:11 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Advice Needed Badly

Your biggest problem isn't your friend. It is your depression. Please see your doctor and get professional help with that.
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Old May 5th, 2014, 07:50 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Advice Needed Badly

I agree with the others .... and lots of people go through depression (the right meds can help ....)
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Last edited by snafu; May 5th, 2014 at 08:29 PM.
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