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Other friendships Best friends, ex-friends, or any other friends

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Old January 27th, 2014, 09:57 AM
AgonyAnna AgonyAnna is offline
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Was my friend getting at something?

A close friend of mine (I have known her 25 years) said something really odd to me last year and it has bugged me ever since.

We were just chatting about the friendships that we have and she said that if I hadn't stayed in touch she wouldn't have bothered. I found it a strange thing to say to someone you have been friends with for a very long time. Was she trying to tell me something?

I have noticed that she isn't forthcoming in staying in touch and that didn't bother me so much when I lived miles away. But I moved closer to her, a suggestion of hers, so we could see each other more. I have now lived in my house 3 years and she has been round here 3 times at the most. If I don't go to hers or arrange to meet somewhere she won't come to mine. It was never like that before.

She has also gone really distant and been really negative towards me. It has upset me and now I live closer and wish I didn't. I am not able to move at present and feel really let down by her.

I do know that she happily goes to other friends and rings them. I rarely get a reply to my texts unless it concerns her children. I did ask her if there was something wrong and told her how I felt but she said there was nothing wrong and we had been friends for a long time.

I just want some other opinions on this so I can get my head around it.
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Old January 27th, 2014, 10:37 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: Was my friend getting at something?

You have to sometimes resign yourself to the fact some friendships are very one sided. Maybe you need to embrace a new circle of friends or if you already have another circle invest in them rather than in this friend. I'm not saying not to be friends with her but just to not rely on her for socialising or when you may ever be in need of emotional or practical support.

Another lesson in this I guess would be to ensure all life changing decisions you make are what is best for YOU! Whatever you choose to do is on the basis of doing it for and by yourself.
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Old January 27th, 2014, 11:08 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Was my friend getting at something?

When I first started reading this, I thought, "That could be me!" I'm a little introverted, so I don't often think of calling to invite people, but I am ALWAYS happy when they call to invite me. I have many long term friendships, and we see each other when we see each other. I'm a no-maintenance kind of friend.

But then you said "been really negative towards me." What do you mean by that? If she's rude and mean, then she's not a friend at all.
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Old January 27th, 2014, 06:31 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Was my friend getting at something?

sometimes people change as they get older and just because you've been friends for 25 yrs. is no reason to stay friends if she's not putting any/much effort into it (+ she's been negative towards you) pfft....


drop the rope - she'll either call/text, in which case call her back or she won't contact you and you'll know where you stand.
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Old January 28th, 2014, 08:16 AM
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Re: Was my friend getting at something?

It's difficult to say. People change. Maybe, from her point of view, the friendship has moved to more of a "casual" friendship. Maybe it's time you took on the same friendship status yourself.

Like what Annsdil said...

Quote:
...some friendships are very one sided.
It may not have been in the past, but it could be now.
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Old February 1st, 2014, 10:05 PM
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Re: Was my friend getting at something?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
When I first started reading this, I thought, "That could be me!" I'm a little introverted, so I don't often think of calling to invite people, but I am ALWAYS happy when they call to invite me. I have many long term friendships, and we see each other when we see each other. I'm a no-maintenance kind of friend.
Me too! Before, I don't get in touch if friends don't get in touch. Never about pride, just that I was lazy? Also a little introverted. I've lost contact with some old-time friends because of it. I'm still lazy to text but once in a while I drop a message or call. I tell them I miss them, I wasn't like that a couple of years ago. Now I don't want to be always absent in their lives. It's nice to have people to share memories with. Maybe try again to talk with your friend? Maybe tell her exactly what's bugging you, tell her that your friendship with her is very important to you and that you'd like to nurture it. Just IMO because this is also how I'd like to be approached especially by people very close to me. Too many unresolved conflicts no matter how little get very big.
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