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Old June 25th, 2019, 11:57 AM
Mr Eko Mr Eko is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Am I a monster for hating my mother?

I hate my mother. Well, hate is not a strong enough word. I just loathe every last thing about her. It makes me physically sick to even look at her and it takes every last ounce of restraint that I have to keep from punching her. When she does pass away, I won't pop champagne corks, but I sure won't be shedding any tears either. Other people love her dearly. Whether it be other family members, her friends, etc. She is good as gold in their eyes. I guess I am her only true "enemy". So, that would lead one to believe that the problem must be me. Well, maybe it is. My mother I and just do not get along. I may have loved her when I was little, but that time has clearly passed. I have not loved her in many many years. People have tried (in vain) to help us reconcile, but that has only lead to the (attempted) peacemaker and I falling out. BTW, anyone who plays peacemaker is just asking for trouble, in my opinion. Situations like that only result in the peacemaker being disliked by one or both of the warring sides. But, I digress. Anyway, my hatred for my mother stems from how awful she is to me. She's great to other people. But to me, she is just downright terrible.

Any opinion I have, she automatically has the opposite opinion. I was never good enough at anything I did. I have no education beyond a GED and she throws that in my face. Which, I don't take offense to, because I was a poor student and that is why I quit high school and got my GED. It's just the way she never misses a chance to remind me of it. She compares me to other family members, even if the other family members are terrible. For instance, one of her ex-daughter-in-laws, (one of my brother's ex-wives) is a full blown alcoholic who has been arrested so many times that I lost count. But, my mom will compare me to her and talk about what a good person she is. Really? I rate below an alcoholic now? It's that kind of thing. She goes to such great lengths to try and make me feel bad. I have tried to reach deep within myself to see if I could muster up any love for my mother, just because, she is still my mother. But, there is no love there. And there never will be. Does that make me bad person? I refuse to talk to her unless I absolutely have to, and even then, I keep it short.

I can't even stand to be in the same vicinity as her. I know other people look at me like I am sick in the head for hating her. But, I just can't change how I feel. And sometimes, I feel like something is terribly wrong with me for having no love for the person who gave birth to me.
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