Would like to discuss sister's actions

[joe]

I don't want to start this thread unless there will be a lot of response. How many are actively using this site?

[snafu]

at the bottom of the page it says active members - 8

There might be more who "pop in" and would reply if you posted.

[joe]

Originally Posted by snafu

at the bottom of the page it says active members - 8

There might be more who "pop in" and would reply if you posted.

Okay, great.

So here's my problem. My sister, who lives far from us, when visiting or sending her kids to visit in our city, treats our cousins on the same level as me. When she and her kids visited a while ago, they ended up spending more time with our cousins that with my family. I explained to her that there are family boundaries that need to be respected and that we didn't want to be trading time with my cousins to see her and her kids. She and her kids were getting plenty of time with the other families as it was. Now she's sending one of her kids out here and never consulted with me about the best time for us for that to happen. As it happens, this time is very busy for us to host him. Her attitude is that whoever can host him will and whoever has time to see him will, but no big deal. She sent him out here through the behest of one of the cousins who lives out of town and will be here for a visit during this time.

I see this as a matter of respect for one's sibling and their kids. She is placing relatives over immediate family. Worst of all, when I brought this blind spot to her attention, she denied there was anything wrong with what she was doing, suggesting I have my own idiosyncratic way of looking at things and that everyone should be okay with what she's doing. Instead of trying to understand my position, she just went ahead with her plans. Then she didn't even contact me about her kid's arrival schedule, so I'm not even aware of when he will be in town.

What would you do?

[snafu]

If you're not available at this time, let them know ASAP....and what days do work for you.


I don't get along with either of my sisters, one has a vile temper and is very self-centered; the other bullied my DS. So....take this with a grain of salt, how well do you two actually get along?

[joe]

We have a good relationship- that's the thing. But she doesn't seem to recognize that a sibling comes before a cousin, and cousins come before second cousins.

[LucyVanPelt]

Hi, Joe. You have received an answer from snafu in this thread. I deleted your duplicate thread.

[rattlesnake]

Joe,

I think in your shoes I would not make a big deal out of this as long as your family at least finds SOME time to spend with the visitors. Sure I basically agree that siblings should come first and then MAYBE first cousins before second cousins, but in relationships with cousins and other relatives, I think it starts to branch out in who has the most in common and are more like "friends" than just relatives so I think it is quite possible second cousins might come before some first cousins for some people and I don't think that is wrong or disrespectful; it is just reality.

It sounds like you love and care for your sister. If I were you I'd tell her that you hope she will work with you to make plans and accommodate your schedule, but I'd leave it at that and try to let it go if you feel the cousins have been considered as much more than siblings. That is just my 2 cents.