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Old February 17th, 2014, 11:16 AM
mandy21 mandy21 is offline
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Is is leading a double life or just ashamed of her?

My younger sister (aged 22) has recently began seeing a guy she met through work. I smell a rat because a few things seem odd and she keeps asking for my advice but I have no idea what to suggest as have never been in similar situation - thankfully!
Basically, he is 26 years old and lives about 20 minutes drive from her but he ONLY visits her and takes her out on sunday evenings, never any other day or time. Furthermore, he never phones, texts or even emails her during the week. The only messages she ever gets is on Sunday evenings when he texts her to say he's waiting outside her place and would she let him in. Last month it was her birthday and this fell on a Sunday. He turned up as usual and she had spent AGES getting ready, bought a nice new outfit and everything because he had promised her an evening at a local restaurant followed by cinema. The cinema was located 2 minutes walk from the restaurant so they bought the tickets before going for meal as the film didn't start for like 1 hour..Basically, to cut the story short, they arrived at the restaurant and the guy went all pale and shaky after spotting a group of guys who entered just after them. She asked "what's wrong? everything ok?" and he said it was his brother's friends but the way he reacted to seeing them was weird. He then admitted that his brother could find out from them that HE was "seen with a girl" - something totally shocking and taboo in his community. He's a Gujarati Muslim, born in the UK but of Indian descent. He immediately told my sister that they had to leave the restaurant and forget about seeing the film (despite having bought tickets). Is she being taken for a ride? The week before that happened he was round at her place on the Sunday watching TV when his mobile rang. There was a male voice on the other end who she heard ask "where are you?" The guy replied that he was "on the way back from the gym" - a total lie!
Personally I think he's either married or too ashamed of his dating (a taboo thing in his culture) but she worked with him for 6 months and believes he's NOT married as they worked on a small team together and everyone knew each other, like who was married, who had kids etc.
How can I help her? Any advice?
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Old February 17th, 2014, 12:50 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Is is leading a double life or just ashamed of her?

I'm not sure if my advice would work within the framework of your culture, but I think she ought to ask him why the lies.
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Old February 18th, 2014, 06:03 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Is is leading a double life or just ashamed of her?

The best advice to give her would be to learn more about his culture. If she does that, she will have to conclude that this relationship can go nowhere. In fact, he may not be married, but he may already to promised to another in his community. Everything he has will be tied to adhering to the culture in his community. He might sneak around to date her, but he won't give up everything for her in the long run.
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Old February 19th, 2014, 05:28 AM
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Re: Is is leading a double life or just ashamed of her?

If this guy reacts like that on a date, I can't figure out why your sister would even bother wanting to date him. He's obviously hiding something that he doesn't want certain people to know.
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