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Old November 12th, 2013, 06:37 AM
Diamonds Diamonds is offline
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Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

Hello!

I met this guy online a couple of weeks ago, last week we both were at the same club and a mutual friend "officially" introduced us. We just said hi and bye because he was there with friends and I was there with friends and I'm not the type of person to ignore my friends for some guy. We kept talking on Facebook and he asked my number. We text daily and keep talking on Facebook daily as well. We flirt a bit, but not that much. I know he and his ex broke up a somewhere two months ago, but he didn't tell me that (our mutual friend did). Now he asks me if I'll be at this club this weekend but I don't fancy going to the club so I probably won't go. But then I wondered why he isn't asking me out on a date instead of just asking me if I'll be at a club where he'll be.
I know I can ask him too but I just want to take things slow and at his pace because he and his ex broke up not that long ago. He does say things like: "if we ever hung out" or "if we ever go on a date it would be this and that". Which is fine, except for the "if" part.
Any advice?
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Old November 12th, 2013, 07:26 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

He's testing the waters and taking it slow, too. Meet up with him.
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Old November 12th, 2013, 07:28 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

I do want to meet up with him, just not in a club again.
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Old November 12th, 2013, 07:47 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

So ask him.
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Old November 12th, 2013, 07:56 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

I know you're right and I would say the same to someone with the same question, but then I overthink and go all "if he wanted to go out with me, he would've asked" and he keeps saying "if we go out" and not "when we go out" so it seems to me that he doesn't want to.
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Old November 12th, 2013, 08:23 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

Tell him where you plan to be instead of the club. Or mention something you feel like doing.

"I'm thinking about going to see that exhibit at the art museum Saturday morning."
"I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend. I think I'll take in a movie."
"It's going to be such nice weather this weekend. I hope I get to spend some time in the park!"

Let him take it from there.
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Old November 12th, 2013, 08:31 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Tell him where you plan to be instead of the club. Or mention something you feel like doing.

"I'm thinking about going to see that exhibit at the art museum Saturday morning."
"I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend. I think I'll take in a movie."
"It's going to be such nice weather this weekend. I hope I get to spend some time in the park!"

Let him take it from there.
Hm, yes, that does sound like a good plan, thanks!
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Old November 12th, 2013, 10:57 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

The "if" means that he's probably hoping to eventually go out on a date with, but he doesn't really know if you will say "yes" or not. It's a rejection thing. Some guys don't handle rejection well - even though he hasn't been rejected, he's probably being cautious. Why? Who knows - I don't.

He broke up with his "ex" and now he's interested in you. So sudden? Sure, why not? An "ex" is an "ex." Time to move forward. I did it when I was young.

Quote:
I do want to meet up with him, just not in a club again.
The ladies here had some great advice.

Not wanting to go and/or meet at a certain (club) place is your perogative. I'm sure he can live with that. If he can't then... Maybe he should be your next ex.
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Old November 12th, 2013, 11:11 AM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

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Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
The "if" means that he's probably hoping to eventually go out on a date with, but he doesn't really know if you will say "yes" or not. It's a rejection thing. Some guys don't handle rejection well - even though he hasn't been rejected, he's probably being cautious. Why? Who knows - I don't.

He broke up with his "ex" and now he's interested in you. So sudden? Sure, why not? An "ex" is an "ex." Time to move forward. I did it when I was young.



The ladies here had some great advice.

Not wanting to go and/or meet at a certain (club) place is your perogative. I'm sure he can live with that. If he can't then... Maybe he should be your next ex.
Thanks for your reply! I'm probably reading too much into it, but he could've said "when", which would give me the idea he's at leasting willing to go on a date with me. I do think it's quite sudden and he's not over his ex yet, and I don't want to be the rebound girl to be ditched when he's over his ex.
He has no choice but to live with it or waiting for me to go to a club and be there too, it would be quite sad of him if he couldn't live with that, lol ^^
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Old November 12th, 2013, 12:52 PM
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Re: Reasons not to ask someone out on a date?

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Originally Posted by Diamonds View Post
but he could've said "when", which would give me the idea he's at leasting willing to go on a date with me.
I have a different take on it. If he had said "WHEN you go out with me" to *me*, I'd have thought he was controlling and demanding and been turned off. I like "if" better, because that seems more considerate - like it hinges on your agreement, not his whim. JMHO.
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