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Other friendships Best friends, ex-friends, or any other friends

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Old January 1st, 2018, 06:27 PM
Anon97 Anon97 is offline
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Is our friendship appropriate?

I met this girl at a summer job and we clicked. We started going out with mutual friends and got close.

We had a typical close friendship which I found special.

We'd play fight, sit on each other's laps. We hold hands with interlaced fingers when we're alone or crossing the street.
We call each other baby, hun, love etc. When we're out in a group, she gives me the most attention. But sometimes it got a little strange. We'd have intense eye contact and I've caught her staring at my lips on several occasions.

One day she told me "I think I've a crush on you. Is it weird?" She had a boyfriend at the time so I laughed it off and didn't take t seriously.

She used to invite me over to her house when her parents slept. We smoked and cuddled in her bed. Then she'd sneak me out by morning. One day before I was about to leave, she kissed my forehead and said she loves me. Then she leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose and giggled.

Then one day her mom walked in on her cuddling into me on her bed. Her mother called her disgusting and beat her up infront of me. There was nothing I could do, believe me I was helpless. And where we reside there is no help for domestic violence victims.

Anyway she travelled back for college and calls me everyday and we speak for hours at night. She always tells me she misses me and my cuddles, and how much she adores and loves me.

Sometimes she sends me "sexy" photos/videos revealing her body.
And once when we video called she was only wearing a bra and sweats. I didn't find it appropriate.

Then we argued because her boyfriend (who she has a rocky relationship with) thinks I'm a bad influence on her, to which I said that I'll be away from her. She kept calling and left me a message*
"If you leave me my life will be screwed up. You're so special to me, you're my entire world. We cannot be apart I can't live without you". Several times she's told me she'd kill herself if I left her.

She told me she feels her bf is cheating on her and she doesn't feel the same way she used to. And then she broke up with him. (He was very controlling and verbally abusive)

A few days later she told me she had a dream where we were fighting and then I kissed her lips. She said it felt good. I avoided that subject but she brings it up sometimes to joke about it. I'd noticed she also gets seriously jealous when I mention another friend (mostly guys).

Now she wants me to travel with her abroad to a new college and move in together. She's really serious and I feel she's pressuring me into it.

Im an only child who was raised by alcoholic and abusive parents. She comes from a broken home as well and we confide everything in each other. She always used to complain about her boyfriend and tell me how she felt safe and protected with me, but not with him. (They haven't been together long and they're apart now.?
But I'm confused. We're both girls. I don't know if our friendship is purely platonic. I truly love her as a FRIEND but I feel as if I can't trust her at times.

Please advice me to see things from her perspective and what should I do.Yeah
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Old January 1st, 2018, 07:04 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Is our friendship appropriate?

Well, I think you see things from her perspective. That's not the question. The question is how you see things from YOUR perspective.

You say that you feel she is pressuring you in to something you don't want to do. That answers the real question. No, your friendship is not appropriate.

Predators use many of the techniques your friend has used on you to erase boundary lines. I'm not saying she's a predator, but her tactics are. She has pushed physical boundaries (tickling, play fighting, kissing) that normal friends don't do and made you uncomfortable (video calling in her bra and sweats) to see how you'd react. You have not rebuffed her, so she is getting bolder.

Please be careful with this friend. She may be broken, but you didn't break her and you can't fix her. Do not fall for her manipulation (saying she'd kill herself if you left her). She is making it clear that she doesn't want your relationship to be platonic. It doesn't sound like you want that, but you are confused by her attention.

What I think you should do is set very strong boundaries. No means no. Tell her you are only interested in a platonic friendship, and see what she does. I think it would be a very good idea to spend a lot of time with other friends. No more sneaking in to her house at night. If she will not respect what you want and continues to make moves on you (kissing you etc.), she isn't a very good friend, is she?
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Old January 2nd, 2018, 07:50 PM
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Re: Is our friendship appropriate?

Anon97 what do you want?
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Old February 19th, 2018, 03:09 PM
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Re: Is our friendship appropriate?

Dude, it's your life and your decisions. If you like her, fight for her, but if you feel nothing, just leave her alone. That is simple..
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Old February 19th, 2018, 04:07 PM
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Re: Is our friendship appropriate?

Welcome, rogerflash.

I like your advice, but I think you missed the fact that the OP is a female, uncomfortable with the unwanted sexual advances of another girl. But otherwise, I'd agree with you.
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Old February 26th, 2018, 04:27 AM
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Re: Is our friendship appropriate?

Friends are life. Every one has that one best friend who is so special for us.Talking about the age old problem of my friends and your friends. There is no relationship where the guy and the girl like every friend of each other. It is not possible, We don't like our partner's friends because of their personality traits or we get insecure about their close bond with our lover, regardless this is a common issue.
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Old February 26th, 2018, 09:38 AM
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Re: Is our friendship appropriate?

Very true, ananthiM, but that doesn't seem to be the crux of the OP's problem.
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Old February 28th, 2018, 05:44 AM
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Re: Is our friendship appropriate?

Anon97... It's probably to late for, but maybe someone else with a similar situation will get the advice.

Be honest... If you feel uncomfortable with a relationship or where you think it might be going... Tell her. How it would affect the friendship depends on the other person.

On the surface, it appears pretty obvious where she want this relationship to go, but I could be wrong. You know her better than anyone.

Think about what decision would be best for you now and for your future. When bad choices are made the repercussions can take years to repair. Sometimes they never get fixed. Some decisions are very difficult - especially in relationships. It might be good to follow your conscience and gut feeling about this - as it appears something has been tugging at you about what you should do.

You're young and you have a lifetime ahead of you. Live, laugh and love. Do your best to make the right choices. I wish and hope for the best for you.
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