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Old April 7th, 2015, 06:57 PM
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estranged sibs & estates

BG: I really don't have much to do with either of my sibs and my OS was a grabby PITA when our dad passed


Any suggestions on dealing with estranged sibs when a parent passes?


(I don't think my DM is "going" anytime soon, but I'd had all her plans/requests saved on a computer - with no backups - and the computer crashed. So now we have to redo everything)
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Old April 7th, 2015, 07:30 PM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

If you can get something signed or organised its better, I had to tie up my Dads last effects after not seeing him for 11 years , he died alone and left no will,and what a big pain that was. Even though I was his only daughter, I had to get a letter from a Lawyer to say I was the only person who could help him,as my mother was living away from him a number of years and incapacitated anyway. This proof was to allow the funeral parlour to do their job and so that the govt could pay for his cremation,as he was a sickness beneficiary. At the time I had no money to do this.We can get funeral grants here.
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Old April 7th, 2015, 07:34 PM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

Are you the executor of your DM's estate? If not, it's not your problem.

The best advice I can offer your DM is that the only way to ensure something goes to the person she wants to have it is to give it to them before she dies. Then have a clear cut will expressing how to divide the remainder.

A parent's death is a highly emotional time. I had one sister dealing with the loss of her best friend/business partner/one constant in her life, and one sister dealing with the loss of her emotional support and financial safety net. My brother and I were the only ones dealing solely with the loss of a parent.
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Last edited by KayKay; April 7th, 2015 at 07:38 PM.
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Old April 8th, 2015, 01:00 AM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

Quote:
Originally Posted by snafu View Post
BG: I really don't have much to do with either of my sibs and my OS was a grabby PITA when our dad passed


Any suggestions on dealing with estranged sibs when a parent passes?


(I don't think my DM is "going" anytime soon, but I'd had all her plans/requests saved on a computer - with no backups - and the computer crashed. So now we have to redo everything)
Do you still have the hard drive from the computer? - You might be able to get a digital restorer to access some of your files?

With regards to dealing with estranged sibs, my brother's girlfriend was in this situation. They just locked up the house for more than 2 years until they could face going through it together.
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Old April 8th, 2015, 10:30 AM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

Hi Snafu

Unfortunately when there are siblings involved, it is best to get everything in writing....

Also, she will need to have a living will....and she must sign it, if she goes in the hospital...and wants or doesn't want resessitation. (spelling)

I don't know if a list of things your mother wants is legal in court.
I would, if I were you, definately get something legal drawn up...and then she can sign it.....and make certain, there is a doctors note from her doctor in there stating that she is of sound mind and dated at the time she signs her legal documents.

For me, I want nothing in the paper, want no funeral....my body is to be cremated....and the rest is personal....however, it is important to do this, due to greedy siblings, then all your bases are covered.

She will also have in writing what she wants to go to who...that protects you and them....and to me, is the only fair way to do it.....

sending hugs...
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Old April 8th, 2015, 01:47 PM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

Don't really have any suggestions myself. Neither my brother or sister balked when our mother passed away. I just divided the money up three ways. Her stuff... I just called my sibs and told them if they wanted anything to come and get it. If not, I'll either keep it or donate it (she didn't have a lot of personal things left). I did ship my brother and sister some good jewelry - I had no use for it.

When my wife's mother passed away. She had her sibs come to her mom's place and help themselves. My wife didn't keep much of anything - a couple mementos was all she wanted. The money was divided equally.

Hopefully you won't have too many issues. I guess if I were to say anything... Use common sense and be fair. If someone balks... at least you know you did the right thing.
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Old April 8th, 2015, 06:34 PM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

the hard drive of the computer crashed


When DM and I both have time, I'll have to redo everything - and this time I'll make back ups!
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Old April 9th, 2015, 05:46 PM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs X View Post
Do you still have the hard drive from the computer? - You might be able to get a digital restorer to access some of your files?
Mrs. X is right. You can recover data from a crashed hard drive. A good tech guy can remove it if it's internal.

As far as estranged siblings are concerned... I am the executor. I'll follow DM's will but my hope is that she will have spent everything before the time comes. Death doesn't resolve the conflict between those still living and often makes it worse.
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Old April 10th, 2015, 10:18 AM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Mrs. X is right. You can recover data from a crashed hard drive. A good tech guy can remove it if it's internal.

As far as estranged siblings are concerned... I am the executor. I'll follow DM's will but my hope is that she will have spent everything before the time comes. Death doesn't resolve the conflict between those still living and often makes it worse.
yeah, I hope so to....my oldest sister did a horrid job of it, and kept a whole lot of things for herself....greed....she didn't have the funeral the way mom had wanted it...and I know that would have hurt mom....now my sister is very wealthy...but even so, she came into the house and literally stole jewelry and coins that my dad had collected and bought home from the war. My other sister and brother wanted some of those things, not much, but they were afraid to ask her. No one got a copy of the Will, no one knows how much money there was....but there was a lot...and she didn't sell the house, she rented it out, to a family with 5 kids who got kicked out of their other place....and everyone had to go along with her wishes...she was always saying me, me, me, or I want this or that...with no concern for the others.

I don't speak to her today...but I know after 6 years my other sister and brother are very angry with her and were going to put her on the spot and start making demands.

A lot more had happened but I don't want to go into it. And yes, they know if they would have reported her, she would have been in a lot of trouble, however, they didn't want to....and I can't take sides one way or the other....I was the foster daughter.

So....
What she was supposed to do, was once a month, send us all a financial report, telling us what was coming in and going out. They didn't even unhook the TV or Phone cuz her husband wanted to go up there and sit and watch TV....

I'm telling you, talk about dysfunction....? Yikes....

So, a will is very important....and when a parent dies, believe me, there is always someone who you thought you knew who becomes greedy....so....a word to the wise....as it can be very hurtful to the siblings or visa versa.
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Old April 10th, 2015, 10:29 AM
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Re: estranged sibs & estates

I'm sorry your sister did that, Crème.

One of my sisters would go visit my dad (while he was still alive) with an empty suitcase and take a suitcase full of stuff home after each visit. She worked in a business he had started, so she visited once per month. In the grand scheme of things, it was all just "stuff" and I don't need more stuff in my life. But still... the fact that she would do that was really scummy.

Greed is ugly.
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