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  #1  
Old July 30th, 2014, 11:47 PM
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Arrow Family Ties

Okay, I need your help with deciding if I should cut ties with my half sister
Why might you ask? Well, she continues and will not stop having a relationship with her father. Quick Background: My sister's father molested(for 2yrs) and almost raped me all before I turned 10 years of age. No he has never been charged. As my mother decided to sweep it under the rug, she did not want to be a single mom. My mother has since remarried, and I have grown up. It has been 15 years since the abuse, and I still feel some of the pain. I stayed away from the family for about 10 years, because I needed to do some healing and forgiving. Now I'm back and everyone has received me with open arms. Shall I give my sister an ultimatum & cut ties with her or just accept her decision?
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  #2  
Old July 31st, 2014, 04:36 AM
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Re: Family Ties

I am very sorry that this happened to you. Many people do not understand that sexual abuse affects the whole family for a long time afterwards.

What is your sister's position in regard to her the abuse? Has she forgiven her father or does she deny the abuse happened? IME, a relationship is not possible if the sibling denies the abuse; it requires that everyone continue to live with the lies. How were you able to forgive your mother?

Although the Statute of Limitations may have passed, have you reported the crime? Typical pedophile behavior suggests there may be as many as 50 unreported victims-- you are probably not his only victim.

Have you pursued counseling to help you?
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Old July 31st, 2014, 05:41 AM
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Re: Family Ties

Thanks 4 ur reply Lucy <3 !
Yes, my sister is aware of what happened. I even went out and posted a snarky remark on her facebook about how she has the time of her life with a known pedophile. Almost everyone in the family knows what he did to me. A lot of family members know of his past(he molested a few kids), and I recall as a teenager hearing the adults talk about how he was sick in the head. As far as pressing charges against him Maybe~ in the future i will. Fortunately I live in California and there is a Loop Hole, that allows for prosecution so no statute of limitations. I just do not feel supported nor strong enough to face him at this moment in my life. Tears and prayer asking God to help me forgive her is how I have forgiven my mother. I don't have the type of relationship i wish to have with her or how i picture mother/daughter should be. But nonetheless we have one, and I'm Happy i can say I have a mother.
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Old July 31st, 2014, 07:16 AM
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Re: Family Ties

Quote:
Originally Posted by pinktaffy View Post
T Maybe~ in the future i will. Fortunately I live in California and there is a Loop Hole, that allows for prosecution so no statute of limitations.
I'm not an expert, but I am pretty sure that there is a SOL based on age and date of "discovery." Please do not wait to prosecute. Report the crime now, even if you aren't ready to face him, for the sake of the other potential child victims who are even less powerful than you.

And I would suggest that you separate from your family totally. They know he's a pedophile. They know he has molested you and didn't protect you. They know about other children. They talk about him being "sick," but they have not reported what they know to the police. That makes them accomplices.

Don't bother with snarky comments on FB. That isn't the place to work out your issues with your sister. If you really want to work things out, you don't want to do anything to escalate animosity. Although she may not have been molested (and we don't know that for sure), she is still being affected by this. Some [adult] children have a very difficult time with separating from an abuser because of identity issues, the need to feel special, etc. I'm not excusing her relationship; just trying to explain it. That doesn't mean that you have to accept it, either. Having a relationship with the abuser is a deal-breaker in my book.

This is hard but if you are strong enough to forgive your mother, then I know you can prosecute your abuser, if not for yourself, then for the others.
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Old July 31st, 2014, 09:37 PM
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Re: Family Ties

yes, i believe you are RIGHT about confronting him I do feel there is no perfect time. You know when something bad happens and you do not wish to look back? Well I'm thinking that is one of the reasons I did not pursue it. I have always felt a burning desire for justice in my heart, and I just thought it would eventually go away with prayer. Obviously that has not completely worked out. I thank you my Dear Lucy for your advice. Wish me Luck in my pursuit for justice. Let the Games Begin! And May the Odds Be Ever in My Favor.
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Old July 31st, 2014, 09:50 PM
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Re: Family Ties

ohhh as far as my sister I will see her tomorrow. Not sure if I should have ' the talk ' with her then or wait this weekend and speak to her during our family BBQ where I can talk to her with 2 other siblings. They do not associate with him at all. I would love to hear other points of view, It is NOT too late SO PLEASE DO POST
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Old July 31st, 2014, 10:42 PM
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Re: Family Ties

There is a saying - "He convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."

I think you ought to not talk to your sister unless she asks. If you ask her to chose between a relationship with you (the victim) and her father - as well as every other family member who is turning a blind eye - I'm afraid it will be hurtful for you.

What are you expecting to accomplish by talking to her?
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Old August 1st, 2014, 12:37 AM
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Re: Family Ties

Wow, I never really thought about that. I guess I feel hurt she contributes to his happiness and that he is free to be happy. Our family has little contact with her dad and his side of the family. My half sister is the only one that has real ties to him and his family. I see your point in not talking with her about him. Something tells me she will just say its my loss and walk away. -If and when i do- She is the stubborn type... My plan is to say this--I dont wish to be excluded out of your life nor your daughters life. I want to be the best auntie ever! It just pains me, and it feels like a hard slap in the face when I see you having the time of your life with that monster Your relationship with him pains me, and that pain carries over to our relationship. Causing us to be in a hurtful one (relationship). I Love you sister, and dont want to lose you or your daughter. But I need you to validate me as your sister, as a person you love, as a victim, and please understand that I do not feel comfortable nor happy about you associating yourself with him. I will not stand for it. If you continue to associate yourself with your dad. Your counting him in, and your counting me out. Thanks for listening.
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Old August 1st, 2014, 07:07 AM
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Re: Family Ties

The really scary thing is that she has a daughter and a dad who is a known molester. Does she take measures to protect her daughter? She might be more responsive if it's not about you but rather about her daughter.
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  #10  
Old August 4th, 2014, 01:05 AM
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Re: Family Ties

yes, she does she told me she is very careful with him around her. She won't leave her alone with him, even if she needs to go to the restroom she will take her daughter with her. So I have to tell you guys I'm a big chicken I didn't have the talk with my sister. I'm afraid of losing her and not being able to have a relationship with my niece.
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