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Old June 25th, 2017, 12:31 AM
Wandarlust Wandarlust is offline
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Thinking of removing myself from my adult children's lives

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. My husband passed away close to 11 years ago. My daughters were 19 and 23 at the time.

My eldest is married to a wonderful guy who is in the Marines and they now have 4 children. They have never lived close as they have been stationed in other places most of the time accept for the past year. They are set to move again soon.

My youngest is now married also and expecting her first child. They live in my general area and always have. I like her husband also.

The problem is this: since my husband passed, they each seem to have gone on about their lives and just left me to go on. Not saying that I haven't visited my eldest and her family during the times they weren't in the area or that I don't do things with my youngest (ever so occasionally). And, of course, I hear from them on the "obligatory" occasions; birthdays, Mother's Day, the holidays, etc. But more often than not, my texts are ignored for days, if they're even answered at all. Most of the time when I see them, it's because I've reached out to them, not because they have me over for dinner or ask if I'd like to do something with them. Several times over the years my eldest and her family would visit her husband's dad, who lives in the same general area I do, and I wouldn't even know they were in town until after the fact. The excuse was "you were working, etc." I'm nearly always the last to know of anything that's going on with them.

Now the general excuse you hear for this is "people are busy". Well I get that. I totally do. My eldest has 4 kids; I understand that this can get busy. The youngest and her husband both work. But I say this is an excuse. It's what you choose to do when you're not "busy" that is telling.

So I'm thinking of just not reaching out to them anymore. If I hear from them I do, if I don't, I don't. I'm even considering making plans to be "away" this coming TG and Christmas.

I know this sounds harsh, and I love the grand kids to death (when I see them) but I'm tired of this. I won't live forever and perhaps I should just go on and say "to hell with it" and start planning my life as if i may or may not be included in theirs. Perhaps I should just admit the fact that even though they like to say "family is everything" their actions don't reflect this. Not with me anyway.
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