Dogs VS Grandchild

[Valerie1218]

Hello,

I have a 9 month old (my first) and my 62 year old mother has been taking care of him since I have been back to work. I have no doubt in my mind that she loves him, however she matter-of-factly told me last night that she loves her dog more than her grandson. I don't think she said it maliciously or to try to hurt me, I think that is how she truly feels. And it rips my heart in two.

I suppose the reason for this post is to find out if my feelings are justified or not. I don't understand how someone could love an animal more than their own blood. And it's not like he is a hellion that she is fed up with, he is just a baby. I always thought it was "family first." But maybe times have changed.

Thanks!

[LucyVanPelt]

I am appalled at your mother's response! She loves her dog more than her grandchild? Who would say that???

I suspect underneath this is really resentment at taking care of her grandson. Her dog loves her unconditionally, without making any real demands on her. He lives to love her.

A grandchild is work. Her pride wouldn't let her say she's not up to the demands of child care, but she could say she prefers one to the other. (Pride is hard to overcome!)

Have you considered taking him to daycare so that grandmom can just enjoy being grandmom? She may very well change her mind about who she loves more.

[KayKay]

To add to what Lucy said, I bet she changes her mind as your 9 month old gets more and more interactive.

That was a very careless thing of her to say though. I'm sorry.

[Valerie1218]

Thanks for your responses you both make very valid points! Yeah, I thought it was a pretty messed up thing to say. After the incident I told her I would put him in day care and she was all up in arms and insisting that she keep watching him. I guess I will wait and see how it plays out.

[Knot2loud]

That was really dumb of her to say that. Really seriously selfish thing to say, but some people are prone to say stupid things on a regular basis.

I think she'll change her mind in time though. I wouldn't expect an apology because she probably won't remember it in a few months... she probably doesn't even remember now <shrug>. If it happens again you just let her know how hurtful it is for you to hear her say that.

[KayKay]

Originally Posted by Knot2loud

some people are prone to say stupid things on a regular basis.

*raises hand* This would be me.

Valerie1218, I wondered when you first posted this that your mom was really trying to say something else? I'm not defending her. You were there and know the context and how she said it, etc. But this is so much like me with some of the horrible foot-in-mouth things I say to my daughter. When I say them, they don't sound bad because I know what I'm meaning. But when she repeats them to me, incredulous, I want to grab the words and shove them back in my mouth.

If I said something stupid like this to my daughter (who is 20 and doesn't have kids yet) it would be because I was trying to overcompensate for something else. If *I* were to say it, it would be because I was trying to reassure her that I wasn't trying to take over as "Mommy" or something. I'd be trying, very clumsily, to convey that I knew my place and there was no competition.

That's just me though. I don't know what your mother is like. She might be nothing like me.

[Knot2loud]

Originally Posted by KayKay

*raises hand* This would be me.

Add me to that category...

I'll just never admit it.

[Cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by Valerie1218

Hello,

I have a 9 month old (my first) and my 62 year old mother has been taking care of him since I have been back to work. I have no doubt in my mind that she loves him, however she matter-of-factly told me last night that she loves her dog more than her grandson. I don't think she said it maliciously or to try to hurt me, I think that is how she truly feels. And it rips my heart in two.

I suppose the reason for this post is to find out if my feelings are justified or not. I don't understand how someone could love an animal more than their own blood. And it's not like he is a hellion that she is fed up with, he is just a baby. I always thought it was "family first." But maybe times have changed.

Thanks!

I'm not going to read any one else's reply to this....my feelings are

1. No one ever feels like another person about issues, matters, things, etc. We all own our personal cultures and feelings.

2. You child, your mother's grandson, is not with her all the time, the dog is, and perhaps that is the way she really feels, shouldn't break your heart...she's being honest.

3. Does she live by herself, if so, that is further more why she feels the way she does.

May not seem right to you, but to her, at this moment in time, it is right for her...don't judge her or take it personal....

Me, I wouldn't feel like that...I'd certainly love my dog, but my Grand child would take preference, but that is just me. I'm not saying she is wrong or right....

There might also be a health problem going on.....and understand, if she doesn't spend much time with your son, that could be another reason....

Please understand, when people get older, some feel they have nothing in common with younger kids, and others adore young children....still others cannot stand all the noise and commotion, so, it depends on the person.?

I'm just guessing and trying to come up with some reasons why she may feel the way she does?

[KyleCo]

Well, The only reason for this could be that she hasn't spent more time with the baby. The dog may have been a support for her whenever she felt sad so it's very natural to develop a bond with the dog.

She may have said it in a sarcastic tone as well. You may not know.

[LankaH]

Just need more time spent with grandchild