Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > Grandparents & Grandchildren

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old July 12th, 2008, 12:51 PM
lv3313 lv3313 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: NORTH FLORIDA REGION
Posts: 13
lv3313 is on a distinguished road
Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

Now that is 41 yr. old single mom seems unable to get him to school on time or at all, I want his first year in middle school to be as uneventful as possible. He does have some emotional problems, growing up with verbal abuse all these years. Now that I will soon be 62, I'm not sure how well I can cope with this added responsibility. any suggestions our there?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old July 12th, 2008, 03:18 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,360
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

Wow - that's quite an undertaking! That's so kind of you though... it's really doing right by your GS.

First thing I'd do is set the groundrules. He needs to know what your expectations are (chores, grades) and what you're willing to allow him (extracurricular activities).

Then I'd talk to the school and his individual teachers if you can. They can be a big help. Explain to them what the situation is and what your goal for the year is.

Maybe that's a start for you?
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old July 12th, 2008, 04:03 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: North East
Posts: 2,068
1dilwhosreal will become famous soon enough
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

My first recommendation is to formalize this relationship on paper. You don't need full legal custody. Power of attorney would do. Without it, many people will not be able to speak to you about your grandson's progress and you won't have authority to intervene for him.

My second recommendation is to look for local support groups. More and more grandparents are finding themselves in your situation and having their support and advice could be a big help. Plus, it's nice to have a real life hand hold yours, kwim? You could check with local hospitals, churches, or even the school's guidance office for a group in your area.

Lastly, take the time to laugh with your grandson. Although you'll be taking on a parental role, remember to take the liberty to enjoy those little perks of grandparenthood from time to time. Added responsibility should not negate those privileges.

Your a good grandma and a good mother for doing this. I hope your DD gets her act together soon.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old July 12th, 2008, 07:11 PM
nonnymouse's Avatar
nonnymouse nonnymouse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: West Coast, USA
Posts: 1,032
nonnymouse will become famous soon enough
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

http://www.grandparentagain.com/comm...t_florida.html

It sounds like a hard situation. It is wonderful of you to stand by them. Even though he'll have needed stability with you he will likely worry about his mom.

If she hasn't had it together enough to meet his needs for a while it is possible he might feel guilty for not 'being there' for her. (I am thinking of the role reversal that can sometimes happen especially with single parents when things aren't going well.) Counseling could really help him see he can love her without feeling overly responsible for her. I don't know if that is a factor or not.

Does your daughter (or is it daughter in law?) have a plan for getting back on her feet? Have you talked over the idea of taking him with her yet?

It does sound like he really needs the stability of an adult who can get him to school, get him services to deal with the abuse and just love him and show him he is totally worth any amount of work. I imagine it hurt a lot to not have someone really caring about keeping his daily life on track.

Sending you lots of energy...hope the link helps,

Nonny
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old July 12th, 2008, 09:46 PM
quietlife quietlife is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 342
quietlife is on a distinguished road
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

Everyone has given you some great ideas. The only thing I can think to add at this point is to look into the Big Brother organization.

I think you are doing a wonderful thing, but also take care of yourself.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old July 12th, 2008, 10:12 PM
elaine's Avatar
elaine elaine is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Posts: 1,591
elaine will become famous soon enough
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

lv3313,

Good for you for stepping up to the plate and being a positive role model in this young mans life. I also think finding a support group would be a good idea. Do you have access to a trusted babysitter so you can have some time to yourself once in a while?

It doesn't sound like your daughter has gotten much better since the last you posted. What's happening with the younger child?
__________________
elaine

Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. -- Dr. David Burns
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old July 13th, 2008, 09:06 AM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,360
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

elaine's post reminds me...

IMO you ought to make sure that your DD is involved too... seems like she needs some help too.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old July 13th, 2008, 09:51 PM
lv3313 lv3313 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: NORTH FLORIDA REGION
Posts: 13
lv3313 is on a distinguished road
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

well, today I had to go into town and pick up my other grandson, 5yrs. old to keep a few days> I was so upset with my daughter, she slept and my grandson was left to run the house with no supervision.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old July 14th, 2008, 09:54 AM
quietlife quietlife is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 342
quietlife is on a distinguished road
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

Quote:
Originally Posted by lv3313 View Post
well, today I had to go into town and pick up my other grandson, 5yrs. old to keep a few days> I was so upset with my daughter, she slept and my grandson was left to run the house with no supervision.
Oh my, what is happening with this little guy? Is she able to properly care for him?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old July 14th, 2008, 12:58 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,360
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Taking my 12 yr. old grandson for 1 year

How did you know to go to town to get him? Did he call you? Was your DD ill?
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:53 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network