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Old June 2nd, 2017, 12:15 AM
lilly210 lilly210 is offline
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Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

Good evening everyone -
I've been married for 5 years and we're been together for 2.
In the beginning everything was great and date long distance before he moved out here. We currently don't have children, going through financial difficulties as we're working on building a business of our own.
After we got married, I started to realized lots of things about him, I didn't see before. Of course, major of the time, that's the case. Love is blind.
As the years go by, we're finding it more difficult to communicate with one another. He won't listen and I'm not going to blame only him, it's on me too.
I don't listen to him. It's almost seems like we lost that respect for one another. I don't want my marriage to go South. DOn't want a divorce. But, there's just time where, I can't help think is he intentionally trying to make it difficult for us to communicate. He seems to be more patience with others, instead of me, his wife. Arguments is about a stupid argument that's about how I answered him and him not listening to me. When I'm upset, he never ask why. He just wants me to get over it and be happy. Doesn't work that way for me. He doesn't talk about his emotions too much.
It just seems like the longer we're together the more I feel I'm distance and I don't see us having anything in common. Honestly, we really don't beside watching the same shows. We don't even have the same hobbies.
I tried to get him to do something with me or plan something. He hardly puts any effort into the relationship. It's just being there next to me. Pushing a bolder up the hill on my own sometimes.
Doesn't want to do anything I want to do. We're not creating any new experiences beside stay home and binge watch TV, which I'm tired of.
Is this how marriage works after a while?
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  #2  
Old June 2nd, 2017, 04:31 AM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

This isn't how marriage "works." It's how marriages fail.

All marriages hit a rut and go through rough times. Committing to the marriage and doing the work to repair the damage is what makes these work long term.

Even though your husband will not go, you should go to a pro-marriage marriage counselor. A good one will help you with your communication skills. When you change, his response to you will also change.
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Old June 2nd, 2017, 12:14 PM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

ITA with Lucy Everybody has their issues.


I went through something like that with my ex, as he was so negative about counseling - I didn't go either. I'll admit we had multiple issues.

With my current husband, even when he didn't think we needed counseling, I still went on my own.
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Old June 5th, 2017, 12:52 PM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

Couch potatoes like to binge watch television and munch on potato chips. Maybe crash out on a recliner, drink soda or whatever beverage they prefer. Sitting idle makes a person sluggish and lazy.

The idea of getting up and moving for some is a challenge. My wife and I have been married for over three decades. We do have our moments of television in the evening, but the thing doesn't turn on until around 6pm - kind of an unwritten rule. Rainy days or being snowed in we think of something to do other than TV.

No... That is not the recipe for a successful marriage. If your husband won't get up and do something with you. I suggest you do something to occupy yourself. You're in an unfortunate situation. I'm sure you have talked to him about your frustration. Just keep talking... He just might eventually receive your message.
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Old June 8th, 2017, 05:08 AM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

a marriage or any relationship for that matter is a constant work in progress.
We as human beings are forever changing, evolving, like the earth rotates, and we have to change with time....communicative exercises need to be incorporated into any relationship, to be a successful and productive one.

It is important to communicate feelings to each other, hurt or otherwise, and not take it as a personal attack. For instance, we need to sit down and communicate with each other, why that upset me....so that we understand each other and hopefully it doesn't happen again.

You hurt me b/c....when we were out with our friends, every time I tried to contribute to the conversation, you interrupted or over talked me, which made me feel inadequate...I know you didn't mean to do it, but I wanted to bring this to your attention, b/c it hurt my feelings. Please don't dismiss how I feel as nothing...it is something....and this is something we need to work on.

Why did you do that...?

So the next time we're out, with another couple or a group of people and I have something to offer to the conversation, which is important to me, please allow me to do so, without rolling your eyes or interrupting.


I believe counseling is in order, for your husband to learn how to be supportive and meet you half way. Sometimes we don't always feel like doing something, but when we finally do, it's fun...and makes others happy.
He needs to understand that...it's not always about what he wants...this is a partnership, or supposed to be.
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Old June 14th, 2017, 10:10 AM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cremebrulee View Post
We as human beings are forever changing, evolving....
Evolving... Yep. I'm evolving alright. Any idea how to un-evolve?
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Old June 15th, 2017, 01:39 AM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

No, after almost 13 years of fantastic marriage every year better than the next it is not how it is supposed to be. And I married a woman completely and utterly different than me in every way of what we like to eat, personality and life style which she has changed me over the years, lol. But the two things that make it work is we enjoy and communicate well with other and we love spending all our free time together over our friends. If thats not the case with your relationship with either one all the counseling in the world will do no good.
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Old June 18th, 2017, 01:47 PM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SSVS View Post
If thats not the case with your relationship with either one all the counseling in the world will do no good.
This is not true at all. I've had the pleasure to work with a man who provides marriage counseling and couples weekends. He talked to me once about couples who are married "hard" and couples who are married "easy." Your marriage sounds like it's "easy" in that you already have a good foundation for communication and a lifestyle you both enjoy.

Other couples are married "hard," meaning they have to work through conflicts and find common ground, learn how to speak each other's "language," etc.

If he had to tell you which could would be most successful, he said he couldn't predict it. Couples who are married "easy" can fall apart with a significant relationship stressor because they haven't learned how to do work through conflict while couples who are married "hard" may actually make it.

Commitment to the marriage, and the desire to work through the conflict in a healthy manner are better predictors of marriage success than easy/hard marriages.
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Old June 19th, 2017, 07:24 AM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

Praise your husband for everything he does that you are thankful for. Use humor when you need to make your point heard. Space the points out. Don't dump everything on him at once. Always let him save face. Ask him if he knows that you love him, in a flirty way. Be kind even when he's not.
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Old June 20th, 2017, 11:38 AM
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Re: Love my husband - He drives me crazy!

plan something romantic



something he'll think is romantic - for example, if I would go to something like Comicon (?sp?) with my DH he'd be happy

visit wineries ...
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