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  #11  
Old September 6th, 2007, 09:50 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

Gosh, I'm so torn about this. I have seen both ways.

Mostly, I feel that no, GP's shouldn't "automatically" have "rights". Too many GP's would abuse that. "I don't see my grandkids often enough! I have rights!"

BUT... I have seen (personally) a few cases where it would have been in the kids' best interest to be with the GPs.

Most of those cases were bitter divorces with the XH and XW using the kids as pawns against each other. One was a drug-abusing M and an imprisoned F. One (in our local papers) is a man whose wife died suspiciously and who moved away with the kids and won't let the GP's see them. (Wife was exhumed recently... we'll see how it turns out! It may be the GP's harrassing the XSIL!)

So... maybe the answer is that there shouldn't AUTOMATICALLY be rights but that there ought to be cases when the GPs can petition the courts if there's a compelling (non-frivolous) argument in favor of the GPs.

But if I have to vote one way or the other? No.
  #12  
Old September 6th, 2007, 11:14 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post

So... maybe the answer is that there shouldn't AUTOMATICALLY be rights but that there ought to be cases when the GPs can petition the courts if there's a compelling (non-frivolous) argument in favor of the GPs.
Thank you! That's kind of what I wanted to say, just never quite got there!

I guess it's like Human Rights at least in the UK. When it started out it was like at last! Something that should protect us! Bah!

Now it's working in practice all it does is protect the criminals and penalise the victims.


That is something we definately don't want to happen for our children.
  #13  
Old September 7th, 2007, 06:43 AM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

I am going to defer to KayKay and Annsdil responses.

Unfortunately, in the real world, some parents shouldn't have "rights" either. In a perfect world, NO, grandparents should have no rights.
  #14  
Old September 7th, 2007, 08:38 AM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

But then again, to play devil's advocate to myself...

Where does it stop?

My parents weren't a problem. But I have two sisters who will NEVER see my kids. Currently, my sisters have no desire to do so. However, if they get a wild hare about "the importance of family" (both unmarried/no kids) will THEY be allowed to petition the courts to see my kids?

What about my friend whose parents threw her out of the house at 16 and pregnant, because the baby's father (who my friend has now been married to for 38 years) is a different race? Should THEY have been allowed to petition the courts?

What about another friend's godchild, who was living in poverty with her mother while the XH/Derelict Dad's mom was bankrolling custody battles on his behalf? (Derelict Dad wanted nothing to do with the little girl - even got remarried and had another baby THAT HE NAMED THE SAME NAME as daughter #1). Should that GM be allowed to petition the courts?

Then there's the family I know whose GF has molested little girls. The GF is currently awaiting trial, and women are coming out of the shadows to say "He molested me too". Well, back before he was ever charged... back before he had this on his record... should HE have been allowed to petition the courts?

What about people like my dad's widow (he remarried after my mom's death, before my kids were born)? She claims "step-grandparent" status even though we are essentially strangers. Should SHE be allowed to petition the courts?

What about the GP's who are cut off for a good REASON? The ones who play "poor pitiful me" and tell lies about perfectly good parents in an effort to get their way?

It's all so complicated. And sad.
  #15  
Old September 7th, 2007, 02:01 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

That's the problem with Governments and Laws and Rights. One would hope that common sense would prevail at all times. Unfortunately, common sense seems to be two words that are excluded from the volcabulary of those that make such decisions.
  #16  
Old September 7th, 2007, 02:18 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

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Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
That's the problem with Governments and Laws and Rights. One would hope that common sense would prevail at all times. Unfortunately, common sense seems to be two words that are excluded from the volcabulary of those that make such decisions.
the situation isnt helped by so many people using the justice system as a tool for revenge with completely useless and unecessary lawsuits, like most of these grandparents rights cases are really not necessary.

btw several states in the US are considering allowing aunts, uncles, siblings etc to sue for "rights" over someone elses kids, its a scarey thing.
  #17  
Old September 7th, 2007, 02:26 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

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Originally Posted by Pandsala View Post
the situation isnt helped by so many people using the justice system as a tool for revenge with completely useless and unecessary lawsuits, like most of these grandparents rights cases are really not necessary.

btw several states in the US are considering allowing aunts, uncles, siblings etc to sue for "rights" over someone elses kids, its a scarey thing.
To be honest, I think the whole thing is cockeyed. It should be CHILDREN'S rights, plain and simple. But then that would get abused by yobs who would use it to assert themselves above parental responsibility of them and above the law. Something already happening in the UK.

<sigh> I guess if the answers were out there none of us would be discussing it now!
  #18  
Old September 8th, 2007, 04:22 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

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the one common theme i see in 90% of the cases ive read, is these grandparents screaming from the rooftops that THEY have rights, that THEIR rights are being violated, that THEY are so hurt, etc etc. It has nothing to do with their grandchildren, and everything to do with being told no and not being able to take it like an adult.

Many many many of them already saw their gks like once a week, and ended up with once a month visitation because that is in general the standard visit schedule, so they ended up with LESS than they had origionally, all because they couldnt take being told they didnt have the right to dictate to their kid and sil/dil how to run their lives and when.

And then if they do win, they complain that they dont understand why their kids and grandkids hate them for putting them through a court case that ruined their finances, stressed their family to the breaking point and basically just treated them like trash.

omgooses why would someone hate them over that?? /sarcasm
I am married and my MIL calls it "her visitation." As you know from my previous posts, my husband is on her side on most issues. Calling it 'visitation' rather than a visit is something that concerns me. I don't think visiting more is beneficial to my kids. It's more about her.

If you live at a distance, lets say 4 hours away, how often should you be required to visit? Would a court rule once per month? I know that would affect my childrens' lives in a negative way. They have friends, sports, etc., and don't want to travel just to sit around with their grandparents every month. As a kid, I would have been pi$$ed off if my grandmother had made me do that.
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Old September 8th, 2007, 05:59 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

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Originally Posted by FLAlady View Post
I am married and my MIL calls it "her visitation." As you know from my previous posts, my husband is on her side on most issues. Calling it 'visitation' rather than a visit is something that concerns me. I don't think visiting more is beneficial to my kids. It's more about her.

If you live at a distance, lets say 4 hours away, how often should you be required to visit? Would a court rule once per month? I know that would affect my childrens' lives in a negative way. They have friends, sports, etc., and don't want to travel just to sit around with their grandparents every month. As a kid, I would have been pi$$ed off if my grandmother had made me do that.
Generally, most judges, from what ive read, award once a month, and some holidays and birthdays, regardless of distance. If the parents are divorced however, generally the grandparents do not get their own visit schedule, they usually end up with whatever time the non custodial parent has as a visit schedule. check out parentsrights.org and parentsrights.com they should still work, but on the whole, if visitation is awarded, the court isnt going to look at how its affecting your children unless you get a sympathetic judge, ive read some doozies of cases where the kids were actually getting Fs, hurting themselves, vomiting and threatening suicide, and the courts still forced them to visit the grandparents who were causing that stress.

This is why i am 100% against GPV, or any other forced visitation, because more often than not, no one in the case has the actual best interests of the child in mind, sometimes not even the parents.
  #20  
Old September 8th, 2007, 06:24 PM
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Re: Should Grandparents Have Rights?

Why do grandparents want to force these visits anyway? The kids are just going to remember being forced.
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