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Old August 1st, 2018, 12:40 PM
Mr Eko Mr Eko is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 17
Mr Eko is on a distinguished road
When a dear friend leaves you and you don't understand why

After months of worry, my worst fears have come now come true. My best friend has left me. I am devastated and heartbroken beyond words to the point that I'm wondering if I will even survive this. If I do survive it, I certainly won't ever be the same again. What's worse is, I have taken my brain and turned it inside out and upside down, and I have come up with absolutely nothing that I could have done to make her do this. That is certainly not to say that I couldn't have done anything, because it's always possible that I did something and I am just not aware of it. How I could have done something severe enough to warrant the ending of a friendship and be so unaware of it is beyond me, but anything is possible, I guess. But I really can not think of anything that I could have done.

This all started about three months ago. Everything seemed fine, and then she got really weird. She pulled away from me and I would ask if I did something and her reply was always a fast "no". I told her that something was not right, because it didn't even feel like I was talking to the same person anymore. She had little vague answers, but that was about it. At one point, she even apologized and said that she never meant to make me think that her sudden mood change was my fault. I felt a little better, but not much. She said that it was nothing personal, it was just how she was. Yet, she only acted weird towards me. She treated everyone else the same as she always did. I asked her about this and she gave me some song and dance about how she wasn't very close with those people. They were not perceptive like I was. So, they didn't notice anything different. I was the only one who noticed because I cared more than they did.

I half way accepted that, but the way she was acting towards me still hurt. She explained that this was just her. And these moods came and went. The whole thing would have to "run it's course". While she never really came out of whatever that was that started months ago, she got better. For about two weeks, she seemed like herself again. Sort of. She still has not been completely the same as she was before all of this started. Nevertheless, I didn't get my hopes up, because something still felt strange about the whole thing. I just enjoyed the two weeks of her sort of seeming like herself again. Then she went right back to acting the way that she did. Only this time, she wasn't just shunning me. This time it seemed to be everyone. Now, she has cut ties. She has stopped talking to me altogether. She has not said it in so many words, but her actions tell me that we are finished. I typed a message begging her not to end this friendship, but I never sent it. What good would it do? It is clear now that she made up her mind months ago. It just took awhile for it to come to fruition. I spoke with someone else who also knows her (or knew her) and they were very nonchalant about her decision to cut ties with us. I guess they aren't hurt by it like I am.

I am sickened beyond words. I loved her and this loss cuts very deep. In the three months leading up to this, I would voice my concerns to others, only to be met with "ya worry too much" or "come on, why on earth would she do such a thing? you are being paranoid". Well, I want to ask them now what they think of my worry and paranoia. While there is a little bit of consolation in the fact that she has cut ties with everyone, not just me, it still hurts very badly. These are dark days for me. I will never fully get over this and to be honest, I'm not sure I want to get close to anyone else. The pain is just too much to have to go through again.
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