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Old July 3rd, 2013, 07:57 AM
HelpforFriend HelpforFriend is offline
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Question Depressed friend been making sharp remarks...How to react?

My friend has been a bit sharp with me recently. Is it just a post pregnancy thing? She has been diagnosed by a midwife in the weeks after birth with post-natal depression, but I am trying my best. I have been trying to spend days at her place looking after the two older children while she catches up with sleep. It's lucky I am on break with Tafe right now and am able to.
But the *****y comments, I have to say nothing, I just look away! One was when we were in the car with the boys; they are 5 and a half and 7 years. And the conversation got on to smoking the younger said you and Mummy go and smoke and starts mimicking the action, I put on my best authoritive voice, "I do not smoke, how dare you say I do that horrid, disgusting thing!' and then continued to explain to him why it's bad. I didn't know my friend has started smoking again. And later at home she said 'I'm going out for a smoke, piss ya Aunty off!' Totally uncalled for. But I remained quiet, didn't take the bait, because it's not her!
She only started smoking because a friend whom lives close by brought her bad habits around. The same friend who was the emergency contact when my friend went into labour, but no she went back to sleep instead! So needless to say I don't like this friend, I can't say anything because she lives ten minutes away and I live about 60-90 mins away by public transport. Even though me and my friend have known each other nearly 20 years and are like sisters and this other woman, 8 years younger has known my friend about a year. Oh and the husband is FIFO, home for one week away for 3/4 weeks at a time.
The next thing that made me decide to ask what to do was when she bought a few items from my boyfriends online shop for her husbands birthday, she’s bought stuff before, knows that’s she get a good discount and I bring it down when I visit. But husband’s home and she wants it a.s.a.p. So when I suggest meeting in the city near her suburb, boyfriends got to be careful with petrol money, (she knows he is on a disability pension and has the shop to give a boost, not that he makes much but it keeps him busy!) anyway she turns around and says, sharply, ‘he’ll get money when he drops off the stuff!’ Meaning no extra just the agreed amount. (She's never been generous with money, but that's always been her! So not worried about that, just the way she spoke to me.) We were talking on the phone and I just said ok, we'll see, and I changed the subject really quickly. It’s a about 45 mins from my place by car, and from his to hers by car an hour and 45 mins!
So what do I do? Just back off and see if she comes around? Back to her old self?
Most of the time she is usually her self, maybe a bit more cautious and vague. And she is not on meds but is supposed to be going to counselling.
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Old July 3rd, 2013, 08:09 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Depressed friend been making sharp remarks...How to react?

Yes, I think you should back off a bit and see if she comes around. Get her husband's presents to her somehow (by mail if necessary) and then back off.

She may think she's doing you favors instead of the other way around.
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