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  #1  
Old March 3rd, 2008, 09:46 AM
Omawannabe
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On Grandparent Rights

I have read a lot of the responses from grandparents and parents of grandchildren. To say that I am shocked, hurt, and offended by some of the responses...is to put it mildly. First, keep in mind that God gives you a child to bring into this world for a short time only. It is a parent's responsiblity to bring a child up to eventually become an ADULT and have offspring of his or her own. A child is not a thing...not an object to control...and not a possession. I was and am a mother of a baby, toddler, teenager, adult, and parent. In other words...I have been there and done it. How dare some of you think that becauses you are now a parent...that you rparents have all of a sudden assumed an inconsequential role in your life or that of your child. I realize that some people who call themselves parents are NOT by any stretch of the imagination a mother or father. I taught special needs and alternative school and some parents....I use that term mildly......who called themselves a mother and father should never have been allowed to ever give birth to a child much less raise one. The tears of pain I wiped away, the bruises I nursed, and the parent meetings I attended that took every bit of self control on my part left me crying for hours at night. Some people have no right being a parent AT ALL. Yet, some people...ie grandparents...have a discernible and God given right to be just that... loving and nurturing grandparents. This is my response to YOU who call yourself parents with so many negative things to say about your mother-in-law or birth parents who want to be grandparents. If they have never been physically, emotionally, or mentally abused while you growing up....then...You bet your parents or spouse's parents should have rights. If they have done the best they could to do right by you or your spouse...then they have the right to love, to spend time with, to play with, to hold, to spoil, to worry about, to help with...the upbringing of YOUR child...their grandchild. You wouldn't even have this particular child if it wasn't for your parents or your spouse's parents. By the way, why in the name of heaven, did you marry your spouse anyway...if you so despise his or her parents so much. And why would your spouse have married you, if your parents were so awful...what could he/she have seen in YOU??????? You will see that parenting is one of the most difficult roles that life has in store for us...albeit we assume that responsiblity with a selfless love and a deep commitment that only a mother and father can really understand. So I ask you, why would we, as grandparents, not assume, with the same love and commitment the role of being a grandparent? Most of us know there are boundaries and limits we need to maintain. I would hope most grandparents undertand that YOU are the parents. What YOU FAIL to realize is that all grandparents make mistakes...don't you make one once in awhile or are you a perfect parent??? If so, then you need to write a book on parenting and grandparenting. My advice to parents of children with grandparents is before things get out of hand..talk to us...discuss...don't dictate...instead of making commands and demands...we were and still are parents from now until the day we die. Words and actions don't have to be the start of a family war or the battlefiield that becomes the tomb of self defeat. Where did all this animosity and hostility come from??? What thoughts are you instilling in your child's mind???? Children are extremely impressionable and are so easily influenced. Are you going to be the positive or negaive influential factor in their life? They see, hear, and understand well beyond their years. The attitude you impress on them could escalate into their adulthood perception of family and role modeling. I'm sorry I got on my band wagon. I am a grandmother. I have one son...whose wife has refused to allow family and friends to associate with them. I have never seen my two grandsons or my sn for over eight years. I have another daughter-in-law that is about to bring a little grandson into our life. I love her like a daughter and am blessed to have a great realtionship with her. We talk about everything, and she has no problem letting me know how she feels about things, or what she feels I should or should not do. I know that she and I will disagree on occasion, but we accept that. I also know I am the grandparent, and she is the MOM. She can also come to me if she needs anything, but ultimately she makes the decisions whether I like them or not. All I ask is that I have the opportunity to love our new little fella and help him to become the man his father became...a great Christian husband whose love goes first to God, then his wife and children, and then his parents and friends, as well as his fellow man. Think long and hard before you as parents...you as grandparents...make hasty comments or decisions that could ultimately affect the quality of your life and that of your child/grandchild.

Last edited by Omawannabe; March 3rd, 2008 at 09:51 AM.
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  #2  
Old March 3rd, 2008, 09:58 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

I'm guessing that this is a vent in response to something you've read. Because of that, I didn't read it in it's entirety.

If you have something personal to share about your own experience, I'm sure that there are grandparents here who will talk with you about it.

For good legal information on Grandparents Rights, I'd suggest you go to forum.freeadvice.com

They can get kind of snarky, but their advice is right on.
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:05 AM
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

The blunt truth is that parents have the right to include or exclude anyone they choose from their children's lives. People gravitate towards pleasure & good feelings. If your son is keeping you from his children, the only way to change that is to work it out with him. I advise writing a letter.
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:08 AM
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elaine elaine is offline
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

Oma,

Welcome to the forum. We certainly appreciate different points of view and alternate perspectives.

I am curious, Oma, because your IP address is almost exactly identical to someone who used to be a member here and has been banned. She has also had very similar points of view as yourself and been in similar circumstances. She also lives in your area and has the same internet provider. Now, while I'm sure this is just a coincidence, I would like to remind you to review the forum rules. Belittling others is not acceptable, and neither is trying to push buttons when you know there are certain things that will upset certain members, or start forum wars.

Please, if you have a story you would like to share or advice you would like to seek, please post. Put please be careful posting generalities, hypotheticals, and criticisms against members you claim to have never been in contact with before, since this is your first time posting on a forum.

Thanks in advance for your consideration.
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:12 AM
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Pandsala Pandsala is offline
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

that block of text is nearly unreadable, can someone summarize for those who have bad eyesight and see a big rectangle of blah?
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:22 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

I'll review this on the off-chance that a real grandparent with a real problem really cares about this:

Basically Oma is not happy with the bad attitude she has encountered where Grandparent's rights are concerned. I believe she is trying to help the general You understand that they are also not perfect and that they should be lenient towards parents because her own DIL is keeping her DS and GCs away from her.

But, since we all can recognize this poster and elaine has already given her a warning, I think we should just let this thread drop. No point is us getting upset over the general You when there are real grandparents who actually have a specific situation and could use some real help and understanding.
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:24 AM
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

okie

thatll save me the trouble of responding with what i think of "grandparents rights" then since i get the feeling its been read and responded to before anyway.
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:25 AM
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

Quote: By the way, why in the name of heaven, did you marry your spouse anyway...if you so despise his or her parents so much. And why would your spouse have married you, if your parents were so awful...what could he/she have seen in YOU???????

I married my spouse for him... not his parents. Whether I like them or not, I love my husband. I didn't marry him to be friends with my MIL... although that would have been nice. I can't help the fact that she thinks she can do what she pleases with my child because she is the grandma...she can't and that is that. I can't help that she wants to manipulate situations to make her son feel bad for her.... in my opinion, she needs to grow up and stop living out her life through my husband. It is one thing to have a healthy relationship with your son... but to depend on him for your happiness? (this is what my MIL does) is wrong.

So to answer your question.... I don't care what kind of person she is... I don't have to like her, to love my husband.
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:26 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: On Grandparent Rights

I agree Pandsala.

If someone were looking for real legal advice, I'd suggest they go here: http://forum.freeadvice.com/forumdisplay.php?f=100

They argue these points very well from a legal standpoint.
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Old March 3rd, 2008, 10:39 AM
Omawannabe
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Red face Re: On Grandparent Rights...

I have never been on this forum before...ever...I accidentally posted my story on the math forum...oops...asking for reader's opinons. So, when I got through, I started reading the comments in the grandparent rights section. I assumed this was like a blog...since so many of the comments I read from parents and their opinions concerning grandparent rights really antagonized and upset me. I believe in being fair and being respectful of others. My reaction in verse was a direct response to what I read. I apoligize if it was too strong. I will be more cautious in the future. Is this site mostly for discussions on questions we pose invidually? Unfortuately, I inferred from what I read and thought that others could state their opinion. I did not mean to offend anyone with my habitual teacher soap box detailing. I got a slap on the hand from an admiinistrator. I can assure you that I have never posted on this forum until today and will be more cautious in the future not to grandstand. Sorry.
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