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  #11  
Old July 30th, 2009, 02:29 PM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Does the bride-to-be have a shower registry? If it were me, I'd buy something off of the registry... she can't complain about the gift if you do (and she would complain otherwise) and you won't be hurt by her lack of gratitude for a gift you thoughtfully purchased.
I agree with a purchase from a registry if she has one. I would also have the gift sent directly to the bride to be's home, bypassing your MIL.

I can't believe how your MIL is behaving. Disgusting!
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  #12  
Old July 31st, 2009, 10:24 PM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

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Originally Posted by Another Disheartened DIL View Post
LadyLove,

I think if I were in your shoes I would either:

1) Send my regrets for every invite. Don't provide any explanation-just that you are unavailable. If you feel it's not a sincere invite, then don't waste time or energy worrying over it.

2) Ignore it.

3) "Return to Sender" the invite without ever opening it. Eventually, they would either call to find out why their mail isn't making it to your home, or they'll get the point and quit wasting the postage and paper.
Its so funny because my own mother advised me to do #3!!! LoL. She said that the enxt time I recieve an invitation to simply write RETURN TO SENDER and mail it back. She said that my in-laws should get the hint by then. LoL.
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Old July 31st, 2009, 10:34 PM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

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Originally Posted by Beth View Post
I agree with a purchase from a registry if she has one. I would also have the gift sent directly to the bride to be's home, bypassing your MIL.

I can't believe how your MIL is behaving. Disgusting!
My hubby and I did not purchase a gift from their registry because mostly everything on the list was over $50!!! The bride-to-be is asking for a set of $75 measuring cups, a $45 potato masher, and $200 casserole dish. Honestly, the cheapest thing on her list was the potato masher and I am not saying that to be funny. My BIL suddenly has expensive taste.

So, instead we have purchased them a gift card, a beautiful photo frame for the wedding, His and Hers drinking mugs (they love to drink coffee), and a bunch of other little cutsie things for their special day (like, I bought the bride an adorable keepsake: a white make-up bag that says BRIDE on it in rhinestones and I filled the bag with wedding magnets, memo pads, make-up, etc...the bride doesnt deserve it. LoL. But we still wanna be nice. I was a bride once so I know what a special time it is).

Hubby does want to send the gift through MIL because he says that it is cheaper if she takes it to the shower than to have us mail it. LoL. Hubby is a cheapo. LoL.

AND I AGREE...MIL's BEHAVIOR IS DISGUSTING!
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  #14  
Old August 6th, 2009, 10:20 AM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

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Originally Posted by LadyLove View Post
My hubby and I did not purchase a gift from their registry because mostly everything on the list was over $50!!! The bride-to-be is asking for a set of $75 measuring cups, a $45 potato masher, and $200 casserole dish. Honestly, the cheapest thing on her list was the potato masher and I am not saying that to be funny. My BIL suddenly has expensive taste.

So, instead we have purchased them a gift card, a beautiful photo frame for the wedding, His and Hers drinking mugs (they love to drink coffee), and a bunch of other little cutsie things for their special day (like, I bought the bride an adorable keepsake: a white make-up bag that says BRIDE on it in rhinestones and I filled the bag with wedding magnets, memo pads, make-up, etc...the bride doesnt deserve it. LoL. But we still wanna be nice. I was a bride once so I know what a special time it is).

Hubby does want to send the gift through MIL because he says that it is cheaper if she takes it to the shower than to have us mail it. LoL. Hubby is a cheapo. LoL.

AND I AGREE...MIL's BEHAVIOR IS DISGUSTING!
A $45 potato masher? Good grief.

I think the items you have chosen for a gift are very nice. You are right... the bride doesn't deserve it.
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  #15  
Old August 9th, 2009, 02:17 PM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Hubby and I both signed our names on the card. I had a problem with this because I do not want any part in BIL's special day which includes the bridal shower for his fiancee. I bought everything for the shower since hubby is not the shopper and I did so partly because I feel that it would be rude not to send them anything since we know about the shower.

I wish that they didn't invite me because I feel obligated to do something nice. I dont want to be like my in-laws who never acknowledge our birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Since we knew about the shower I felt obligated to get them a gift.
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Old October 14th, 2009, 01:51 PM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Hubby does want to send the gift through MIL because he says that it is cheaper if she takes it to the shower than to have us mail it. LoL. Hubby is a cheapo. LoL.


Lady Love,
Given your description of your MIL, I think it is an awful idea to send your gift through your MIL. 1 of 2 things will happen, 1: she will keep your gift and replace it with something else (probably horrific) or 2: she will keep the gift and replace it with nothing. I think you should spend the extra $ and send directly to her. Also, agreeing with the other ladies, block her from your email and phone and anything that comes in the mail, return to sender. Matter of fact, write on it, "no longer at this address"
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  #17  
Old October 15th, 2009, 04:26 AM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Good Morning
I've never been to a shower where there were men, but I don't think it's unheard of? Personal preference of whoever is having the shower?
Also, not one of my DIL's friends had a shower for her, so we mother's got together and had one and also for her baby shower.
My sister in law had one for me...? So, it depends on who steps forward.

Again, I say, I feel badly that your mother in law is such a trouble maker? If she wanted to invite 10 or 12 of her friends, she should have had the shower herself just for them or for everyone, how dare she? She sounds like a very miserable woman, she's miserable and wants everyone else to be as well. It is likely that if anyone in the family initiates something other then her, she causes a problem.

My next suggestion is my own and doesn't reflect on anyone else, but if it were me and I didn't want to go...and if it's an RSVP, I would send the invite back with a "Will not Attend". That's it.

Then I would go out and purchase a gift for the new DIL and personally take it to her and tell her you are sorry you couldn't attend at the time of her shower but wanted to bring this gift over to her. I would call her first to see when you two could get together.

Don't allow your MIL to break you, your confidence and make you feel like you've got to evaluate every move you make. Do what you believe is the best and right thing to do.

If you want to be socialble with the new DIL do so...if you don't, then don't. But what I wouldn't do is give her any explainations or talk to her about your MIL or the problems that exist ever.

Lady Love, I cannot imagine what your going thru...and it makes you crazy walking on egg shells like this...

You've gotta do what is healthy for you, your husband and family first and foremost...no matter what you do, your damed if you do, and damed if you don't. so, be yourself...do not do anything ever to retaliate, or get even...that only brings you more problems in the long run...just do what makes you the most comfortable.

No matter what someone does or how they react to a situation, there is always going to be someone who is judgemental about it...ignore it...as long as you know you did the right thing, nothing else matters or will give you more peace. Believe in yourself, and forget trying to win this woman...

I'm very sorry there are terrible people like this who pride themselves in hurting others...it is so life changing and hurtful....I just don't get it?

Hugs
Creme
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  #18  
Old October 17th, 2009, 02:36 PM
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Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cremebrulee View Post
Good Morning
I've never been to a shower where there were men, but I don't think it's unheard of? Personal preference of whoever is having the shower?
Also, not one of my DIL's friends had a shower for her, so we mother's got together and had one and also for her baby shower.
My sister in law had one for me...? So, it depends on who steps forward.

Again, I say, I feel badly that your mother in law is such a trouble maker? If she wanted to invite 10 or 12 of her friends, she should have had the shower herself just for them or for everyone, how dare she? She sounds like a very miserable woman, she's miserable and wants everyone else to be as well. It is likely that if anyone in the family initiates something other then her, she causes a problem.

My next suggestion is my own and doesn't reflect on anyone else, but if it were me and I didn't want to go...and if it's an RSVP, I would send the invite back with a "Will not Attend". That's it.

Then I would go out and purchase a gift for the new DIL and personally take it to her and tell her you are sorry you couldn't attend at the time of her shower but wanted to bring this gift over to her. I would call her first to see when you two could get together.

Don't allow your MIL to break you, your confidence and make you feel like you've got to evaluate every move you make. Do what you believe is the best and right thing to do.

If you want to be socialble with the new DIL do so...if you don't, then don't. But what I wouldn't do is give her any explainations or talk to her about your MIL or the problems that exist ever.

Lady Love, I cannot imagine what your going thru...and it makes you crazy walking on egg shells like this...

You've gotta do what is healthy for you, your husband and family first and foremost...no matter what you do, your damed if you do, and damed if you don't. so, be yourself...do not do anything ever to retaliate, or get even...that only brings you more problems in the long run...just do what makes you the most comfortable.

No matter what someone does or how they react to a situation, there is always going to be someone who is judgemental about it...ignore it...as long as you know you did the right thing, nothing else matters or will give you more peace. Believe in yourself, and forget trying to win this woman...

I'm very sorry there are terrible people like this who pride themselves in hurting others...it is so life changing and hurtful....I just don't get it?

Hugs
Creme
As for the shower, which is now a part of the past, my hubby and I did send a gift to the couple through MIL. Our gift was big and my husband was not up to paying for the shipping and handling because he already felt that the couple did not deserve a gift to begin with. We wrapped it up securely but if MIL actually had the nerve to unopen the gift then that is on her part. We really did not care what happened to it as long as it was out of our hands.

Naturally, the couple never sent us a thank you card.

I do not feel that I am walking on egg shells. I live my life to the fullest. I am angry toward my in-laws for the terrible things that they have done but I feel that my anger is justified. I have many good reason to harbor such feelings. My goal is to one day feel nothing toward them but for now feeling angry toward them makes sense to me. It is not like I sit here and dwell on it on a daily basis. These feeling pop up when they pop up. LoL. So, if I were to recieve another ridiculous invitation in the mail today and it came from one of my in-laws then feelings within me will be stirred and the anger, frustration, and disappointment will arise. I think that it is only natural.

I feel that avoiding my in-laws is best. I have receieved mixed opinions about this. Some say that avoiding them makes me look like a coward, while others agree that it is the best thing to do especially since my in-laws do have some serious addcition issues. It is really hard to say who is right but I believe that avoiding them keeps my family and I safe.

It is hard to associate with people who are vile and messed up on junk.

And I agree, some people do take pride in hurting others and that is sad. I am starting to realize that people like that were never happy with themselves to begin with.

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