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  #1  
Old September 11th, 2007, 09:08 PM
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Another Disheartened DIL Another Disheartened DIL is offline
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Just for FUN

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

OFFICER: MA'AM, YOU WERE SPEEDING.

OLDER WOMAN: OH, I SEE.

OFFICER: CAN I SEE YOUR LICENSE PLEASE?

OLDER WOMAN: I'D GIVE IT TO YOU BUT I DON'T HAVE ONE.

OFFICER: DON'T HAVE ONE?

OLDER WOMAN: LOST IT, 4 YEARS AGO FOR DRUNK DRIVING.

OFFICER: I SEE..CAN I SEE YOUR VEHICLE REGISTRATION PAPERS PLEASE.

OLDER WOMAN: I CAN'T DO THAT.

OFFICER: WHY NOT?

OLDER WOMAN: I STOLE THIS CAR.

OFFICER: STOLE IT?

OLDER WOMAN: YES, AND I KILLED AND HACKED UP THE OWNER.

OFFICER: YOU WHAT?

OLDER WOMAN: HIS BODY PARTS ARE IN PLASTIC BAGS IN THE TRUNK IF YOU
WANT TO SEE

THE OFFICER LOOKS AT THE WOMAN AND SLOWLY BACKS AWAY TO HIS CAR AND CALLS FOR BACK UP. WITHIN MINUTES 5 POLICE CARS CIRCLE THE CAR. A SENIOR OFFICER SLOWLY APPROACHES THE CAR, CLASPING HIS HALF DRAWN GUN.

OFFICER 2: MA'AM, COULD YOU STEP OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE PLEASE! THE
WOMAN STEPS OUT OF HER VEHICLE.

OLDER WOMAN: IS THERE A PROBLEM SIR?

OFFICER 2: ONE OF MY OFFICERS TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN THIS CAR AND MURDERED THE OWNER.

OLDER WOMAN: MURDERED THE OWNER?

OFFICER 2: YES, COULD YOU PLEASE OPEN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR, PLEASE

THE WOMAN OPENS THE TRUNK, REVEALING NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY TRUNK.

OFFICER 2: IS THIS YOUR CAR, MA'AM?

OLDER WOMAN: YES, HERE ARE THE REGISTRATION PAPERS. THE OFFICER IS
QUITE STUNNED.

OFFICER 2: ONE OF MY OFFICERS CLAIMS THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE

THE WOMAN DIGS INTO HER HANDBAG AND PULLS OUT A CLUTCH PURSE AND
HANDS IT TO THE OFFICER.

THE OFFICER EXAMINES THE LICENSE. HE LOOKS QUITE PUZZLED.

OFFICER 2: THANK YOU MA'AM, ONE OF MY OFFICERS TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T
HAVE A LICENSE, THAT YOU STOLE THIS CAR, AND THAT YOU MURDERED AND
HACKED UP THE OWNER.

OLDER WOMAN: BET THE LIAR TOLD YOU I WAS SPEEDING, TOO.
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  #2  
Old September 12th, 2007, 04:41 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: Just for FUN

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  #3  
Old September 12th, 2007, 05:04 AM
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Re: Just for FUN

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Old September 12th, 2007, 01:16 PM
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Re: Just for FUN

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he
starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts
shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes

What makes
you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a
person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in
the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person.

Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination
against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little s***
on your knee."





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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  #5  
Old September 12th, 2007, 01:24 PM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: Just for FUN

Lmao!!!! :d
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Old September 12th, 2007, 04:27 PM
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Re: Just for FUN

I've got more, AnnsDill
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  #7  
Old September 12th, 2007, 11:04 PM
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Re: Just for FUN

Spill then!
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  #8  
Old September 13th, 2007, 10:43 AM
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Re: Just for FUN

I love this! Keep em coming!

V.
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  #9  
Old April 13th, 2009, 10:16 PM
molly molly is offline
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Re: Just for FUN

Clever woman. Enjoyed it
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  #10  
Old June 1st, 2014, 01:44 PM
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Re: Just for FUN

(true story)

some students went and TPed the house of one of their teachers (he'd been teasing them about another house they'ed TPed where the "pole shed" had been filled with officers/friends of the family ... who didn't notice the house getting TPed)

the teacher's wife (yea a blonde) woke up and watched their home being TPed and after a while woke up her husband (Mr. Teacher) and said "Honey, I think we're being, what do you call it, TPed?

he told the class about it
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