Last names

I hyphenated the first time I got married. My (now ex) husband was fine with it. When I got remarried I wanted to hyphenate my name (use madien & new hubby's) & my (now) husband about blew a gasket. However I got my way (kind of) for 2 reasons. First reason is that my SIL's (his brother's wife) name is very similar. We even work for the same company & with my name being hyphenated (ie different) there are still screwups. The second reason is that my kid (from the ex) didn't want to be the only one in the house with his last name...so I've got both husband's names.

[august]

I am not sure about all of this...I am getting married in the spring and when I told FDH I might use my last name as my middle name and his last name as my last name, he became completely offended, apparently he thinks it shows how I feel about him

...then claimed he liked my middle name as it is the same as his grandma's...well my middle name happens to be a family name on my own side...as I wasn't named after his grandma....so I was sure to let him know this...

I don't want a hypenated last name...and I do want to take his last name...but at the same time I love my name...you know the one I have....

so I am stuck in a pickle here. he says he will support me whichever way I go here...but honestly I don't think he will be all that pleased if I hang onto my last name, or use it as my middle name.

[Vavoom]

Originally Posted by august

I am not sure about all of this...I am getting married in the spring and when I told FDH I might use my last name as my middle name and his last name as my last name, he became completely offended, apparently he thinks it shows how I feel about him

Well ask him if he's willing to change his name. Tell him if he truly loves you and wants to be your husband, he'll do it.

When he balks at the idea, just point out to him that you want to be married to him regardless of his last name.

[august]

This would be a fun way to get my point across

I just don't want to sit and have MY name what HE wants it to be...I want it to be what I want it to be and not ever have it come back to be 'used' against me.

[elaine]

Originally Posted by august

I am not sure about all of this...I am getting married in the spring and when I told FDH I might use my last name as my middle name and his last name as my last name, he became completely offended, apparently he thinks it shows how I feel about him

...then claimed he liked my middle name as it is the same as his grandma's...well my middle name happens to be a family name on my own side...as I wasn't named after his grandma....so I was sure to let him know this...

I don't want a hypenated last name...and I do want to take his last name...but at the same time I love my name...you know the one I have....

so I am stuck in a pickle here. he says he will support me whichever way I go here...but honestly I don't think he will be all that pleased if I hang onto my last name, or use it as my middle name.

August, I did exactly what you are suggesting. I kept my maiden name and use it as my middle name and took my husbands last name. It worked out great for me as I also didn't want a hyphenated last name.

I don't understand why your FDH would be offended by you keeping your own name, especially if you are taking his as well. At any rate, my opinion is it's your name your choice.

[Virginiann]

This is a very interesting thread. Here is what I found:

"The practice of changing ones’ name to mark the beginning of a new life trek describes a tradition over five thousand years old. In times past, it was given names. Surnames didn't reach commonplace in society until the 11th century AD. Before then Sarah was simply "Sarah wife of Abraham". Sarah didn't have a last name. Neither did Abraham."

This was a tiny piece of an article I found at:
http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/ChangeName.htm
Really worth the read, if not, at least skim the article, I love learning new things.

When I first read this question my reaction was, well I am a traditionalist and I was proud to take my husband’s name. I actually never knew any other way. But I can certainly see why someone would want to keep their maiden name, especially for professional reasons. I guess it boils down to personal preference and that alone is enough to respect.

Virginia

[Joyful77]

Originally Posted by Vavoom

I'm curious as to why some people are so adamant that a woman MUST change her name upon marriage. I've been exposed to different cultures where name changes aren't that important and the kids use both last names.

I agree with Dodger, and also think that it is and should be a personal choice.

[Joyful77]

Originally Posted by FLAlady

IMHO, they are lucky I ever changed it to associate myself with them! I should have kept my maiden name. I'm a writer and if (and when) I publish, it will be my maiden name I use.

FLAlady, your experience reminds me of my own in a lot of ways. I too have considered just using my maiden name if I am ever published, and that is mostly because I am not thrilled about using DH's family name. I am still debating that, however, b/c I personally want to acknowledge my life and commitment with DH. I go back and forth on that one. I could just say it is my pen name....the jury is still out on that one.

Anyway, sorry if this is straying from topic...back to the subject at hand.

[Black Box]

Originally Posted by mum of three

I was torn about what I was going to do when we get married. As we have 3 children I have one from a previous and we have 2 together. At first I was not gonna change my name as I did not want our eldest to be the only one who has my maiden name as a surname and I was concerned about school. Then I realised by the time we get married ( 2009 ) she will only have 2 years of school left but the youngest will still have most of theirs to come. that is what swung it for me as I didn't want to be going to the school under a different surname than my children. My eldest has told me she wants to change her surname so we told her it fine. If she still wants to when we get married she can do if she doesn't its not big deal.

I have full and sole custody of three children and married a man who has full and sole custody of two children. I kept the surname of my first husband to match those of my oldest three children. It's kind of weird to some, I suppose being remarried but still legally under the name of an ex husband. However, professionally it make sense not to change. Maybe when all the kids are grown and I'm retired. But the thought of all the name changing paperwork.....

[latelearner]

wow, august and elaine, I did the same thing in regards to making my maiden name my middle name. I took it further in regards to my four children, and all their middle names are my maiden name which drives my FIL bonkers. (I didn't do it to annoy him, but it's a nice fringe benefit ). Frankly, I should have left my maiden name intact, its becoming more the norm, at least where I am from.
To each their own, at the very least, it's a decision ENTIRELY left up to the woman. Pretty simple to me.