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Old August 23rd, 2012, 02:35 PM
Krissytyna Krissytyna is offline
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MIL wants to go to Disney

My MIL wants to take my husband, his sister and I and our baby who will be 4 months old then to Disney. Going along on this trip are my husbands 3 nephews (not his sisters children though, so no parent of theirs would be going). Before I got pregnant she was planning this trip but never asked me if I would want to go. Now that I will have a 4 month old I really don't want to go. What do I do?
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Old August 23rd, 2012, 02:37 PM
Krissytyna Krissytyna is offline
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

Let me add that this is my first baby, my husband and I just bought a house and don't want the expense even though MIL says she will pay for the trip
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Old August 23rd, 2012, 02:40 PM
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

I think it depends on what your husband wants to do. Have you talked with him about it? How does he feel?

(ETA: I don't mean that I think you go or not depending on your hubby - I think "how it gets handled" depends on him. )
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Old August 23rd, 2012, 04:13 PM
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

also depends on what time of year - and how old your baby will be


Disney gets HOT!!! Some babies don't handle the heat well (high/extream heat used to make DS sick when he was a baby)
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Old August 24th, 2012, 03:56 AM
Krissytyna Krissytyna is offline
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

My husband wants to go and doesn't think anything of it. I'm pretty sure his mother has already booked this trip becauase she keeps making references about it. We would be going in March and my daughter would be about 4 months old. Im worried because I'll be breast feeding (at least I plan to) and don't want this trip to interfere with that if we're in crowded parks all day. I'm just frustrated Becauae I'm also worried that my husband and I won't have our own room.
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Old August 24th, 2012, 07:20 AM
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

How comfortable do you feel telling your husband to have a great time, but you and the baby aren't going?
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Old August 24th, 2012, 08:59 AM
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krissytyna View Post
My husband wants to go and doesn't think anything of it. I'm pretty sure his mother has already booked this trip becauase she keeps making references about it. We would be going in March and my daughter would be about 4 months old. Im worried because I'll be breast feeding (at least I plan to) and don't want this trip to interfere with that if we're in crowded parks all day. I'm just frustrated Becauae I'm also worried that my husband and I won't have our own room.
You' afraid you won't have your own room? What kind of insane people want to sleep in the same room as a 4 month old baby if they don't have to??

OK, first of all, this is beyond Disney. If your husband think it is okay to have his mother dictate vacations to you without both of you giving informed consent, then you have a DH problem. You ASK people to go on vacations, you don't tell them.

You need to bring up your concerns to your husband, but before you do, you should try and figure out what you'd want, ideally, and also what you're willing to compromise on. (For example, you sound like you don't want to go, but then you sound like you're worried you won't have your own room. So if you get your own room and can hang out while the others go to the park, are you okay with going? Or not? Don't bring it up if it is still not acceptable, it's a red herring.)

It sounds like your husband is oblivious to the fact that you would like some say in your own vacation plans, especially with a small baby. That can be a "huh, never thought about it before" clueless husband problem, but it can also be a very deep rooted one (Mama's boy, doesn't realize he's a grownup).

Do your best to address your concerns with your husband in a calm way. When I have an issue with my husband I try to approach like "we are a team. We have an issue, so let's brainstorm together about ideas to make this work." That's better than coming in insisting on your side being right. If you are calm and working together, there is almost always more than one way to address a problem. But people can't do that when they're upset. So, don't start off with "your mother is so bossy" or "you are so clueless." You need to start with something like "I'm concerned about this Disney trip your mom is talking about and I'd like us to figure out how we can do what's best for everyone."

If you can't have a calm, problem-solving discussion with your husband--if one or both of you have difficulty with communication skills--then you might very well need some help--counseling, clergy help, or get some books about marital communication.

Marriage is full of issues that need to be worked out in the best interest of everyone--a loss for one 'side' is a loss for the team.

IMO taking a 4 month old to Disney is insane. I know people do it, but it sounds like a huge PITA. I don't think it is BAD for the baby, I just think it's spending a lot of money to do something that neither baby nor parents of baby will get anything out of. You will either spend a lot of time by yourself in an expensive place while they do things without you, or they will all get slowed down to your pace. Neither is a great solution. Your husband probably doesn't realize it because, well, husbands tend to be pretty oblivious to baby care needs before they have an actual baby and realize what's involved.
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Old August 24th, 2012, 09:20 AM
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

You'd think that the MIL would know though. She'd have to be pretty clueless to think it was a good idea to bring a baby to Disney.

In fact, I'm starting to wonder... Krissytyna, you said your MIL started planning this trip before you got pregnant. Do you think she kind of feels like "Well, it's a bad idea for them to go, but I can't uninvite DS and Krissytyna. Besides, DS really wants to go."
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Old August 25th, 2012, 09:40 AM
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

you mention that she is taking three grandchildren who won't have parents there and this was booked/planned before you got pregnant. Is it possible she is expecting you both to help look after children she wouldn't be able to cope with if you were not there?
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Old August 26th, 2012, 07:16 AM
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Re: MIL wants to go to Disney

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krissytyna View Post
My MIL wants to take my husband, his sister and I and our baby who will be 4 months old then to Disney. Going along on this trip are my husbands 3 nephews (not his sisters children though, so no parent of theirs would be going). Before I got pregnant she was planning this trip but never asked me if I would want to go. Now that I will have a 4 month old I really don't want to go. What do I do?
If you do not want to go, then you do not go. You and DH have to think beyond yourselves here because are your child's first and best advocate. A polite "Thank you, but no thank you" is all you really need to say. You don't even need DH's permission to say this because you are the MOM.

If DH were asking, I'd tell him to man-up. He can't go to Disney and be mommy's boy because he has to stay home and be father to his child.


In the future, BEFORE plans are made, certain points have to be negotiated. I call them my 3 T's of traveling. You will need your own Time, Transportation, and Territory.

Time-- you need to be able to do things on your child's time and on your own time. You also should have time alone with your child and DH. All parties should be free to come and go, skip or attend activities as needed.

Transportation--you need to be able to travel at your own pace. You need a way to get around. If everyone goes out because baby needed time, you shouldn't be stranded. That doesn't necessarily mean you need your own car (although I definitely recommend one!). We usually address this by picking a resort close to the things I'm interested in so I can walk. At Disney, it meant staying on the property so I could use their transportation system. Which is an extremely important point-- using the buses at WDW is a serious PITA with a stroller because the child MUST be removed and the stroller folded to board.

Territory-- this is the biggest because it's physical, mental, and relational. Physical territory: A married couple needs their own room with a door that locks. That goes double if an infant will be sleeping with them. Mental territory: will you be able to enjoy your time with DH and baby without the "narrative" of other people entering the story? Think "the complainer." Relational: Will you be able to be mother without MIL or others stepping on your toes, getting between you and baby, or trying to take over?

Good luck!
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