I can't love my brother

[Missunderstood]

I need some kind of guidance. I'm 28 years old, me and my brother had never really got along. He is my only sibling and he is older than me. As kids he would often beat me ( sometimes to the point of unconsciousness) call me names and never really respected me. In our teens ( he's 3 years older than me) things remained the same except the beatings stopped. Now we are both grown up and have our own families but he still treats me the same. Often calls me names when I stand up to him. He usually does it though when we are alone. Sometimes in front of close family members. We can't be in the same room for 5 minutes without disrespecting me in some way. Sometimes he thinks it's funny. My mom is taking he's side most of the time and tells me that I should forgive him because he's just hot headed and he doesn't mean it. Even when an incident happens in front of her, she'll still defend him. He always apologizes afterwards but how many times is enough?? When I tell her that I've suffered enough! And I want nothing to do with him anymore. She makes me out to be the bad guy, and says that I should never say that I don't want to see my brother etc. I feel total indifference towards him. He has no place in my life. I am married, my husband is the most gentle, and caring human being and I feel safe with him. Finally feel safe. Am I wrong for hating my brother? Should I continue to forgive and forget his unacceptable behavior? Please share your thoughts.

[LucyVanPelt]

He beat you unconscious and your mother did nothing?

Forgive your brother because hating him will make you bitter, but don't forget. Remembering will protect you from getting too close to him again.

Consider distancing yourself from your mother because she supports your abuser, and stay away from him. You don't have to do the big confrontation thing, just quietly back away so you're not in their presence anymore.

Focus on your wonderful husband and your future. I'm glad you found him and you are safe.

Good luck!

[KayKay]

I would never allow such a person to be around my kids.

[Mrs X]

Originally Posted by KayKay

I would never allow such a person to be around my kids.

Exactly! What an evil person he is.

[snafu]

sounds as if your mom has issues too


((hugs))


I'm not in contact with either of my sibs. (long story*)

If you burned your hand on a hot skillet, would you touch it again? Of course not. Would any logical, kind, loving person tell you to touch it again? H E double hockey sticks NO.

The same goes for poison, and your brother is poison (your mom sounds like she may be an enabler).

There is no reason for you to drink the poisoned kool-aid anymore ... nor expose your family to it (even if your kids don't see it, they know when you get uptight, besides... don't accidently teach them that they have to put up with being bullied... even if someone is "family")


(*part of the story is in the thread "waiting for the other shoe to drop")

[luvmyfamily]

What a cruel person.
Really, He is a very bad influence.

Look you have a family and a caring loving husband.
You don't need to be social with your brother anymore.
Neither you have to verbally tell your mother that you are
done with your brother.

All you have to do is avoid to be in contact with him
and be as far as possible from him.
He and your mother will soon get it that
you are no more interested in entertaining their abuses.

BEST LUCK.

[Knot2loud]

Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to communicate with them, send them a b-day or Christmas card, tolerate nasty behavior and insults, etc...

I'm all for forgivness - I'm all for moving on and focusing on my life and my family too. It's nice having a sibling, but it's not nice having a sibling who's mean and cruel. I'm sorry for your dilemma...

As has already been stated: Focus on your family and distance yourself from the meaness of that man. As far as your mother goes... I'm guessing she's just making excuses for him. Why? Who knows... If she ever asks you why you limit your contact with your brother; be honest and simply tell her you're tired of his meaness.

[JemStar]

NO CONTACT?
works for me.


Why allow it? Bullying isn't funny and your mother shouldn't allow it unless he has done it to her as well and I wouldn't doubt it.

He has some major issues. Your mother is enabling.

It's a shame you have had to go thru this. You don't have to take it anymore. Maybe appear at the "family" things early and leave early. Before he gets a chance to act like an ***.

I am surprised your husband hasn't tried putting him in his place. There's kidding around and there's emotional abuse.

Tell him to get help *can you imagine what HIS family must endure?

Best of luck to you.