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Old August 16th, 2018, 09:11 AM
Jessspin01 Jessspin01 is offline
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How to deal with insecurities in a new relationship after divorce

I've got a lot on my mind today!

I've posted things before about my boyfriend, but we've been dating for about 3.5 months. It's still very new and we're still learning a lot about each other and sort of figuring things out still. I was married for 5 years; with my ex total for 12 and my boyfriend was married 2 years; total for 10. We both have insecurities and trust issues. We've both dated after our divorces, but before we met each other and were hurt by people. It's been a tough road for both of us.

I keep finding myself worried about the future and what we are and what will we be and when I'll fall in love and if I get married, will my second marriage be a disaster like my first? I worry about that all the time. Right now my boyfriend and I are doing well. We're having fun and spending a few days a week together. Sunday is our adventure day. We go somewhere fun and unplanned.

From those, who've been where I am now, how do you handle it?
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Old August 17th, 2018, 03:58 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: How to deal with insecurities in a new relationship after divorce

Hi, Jesspin01,
I didn't reply yesterday because I have never been divorced. I am replyning now because I don't want you to think no one is listening.

As I said, I have never been divorced. My mother, however, went through 2 divorces, another ugly break up, and is now a widow. What I observed is that she brought her past hurts and insecurities into each new relationship, and so did the men.

I'd advise you to really take your time with a new relationship, and seriously consider therapy to both heal and learn how to manage insecurities. When you are ready to commit to a new relationship, you may even consider some pre-marriage counseling to facilitate good communication skills and identify potential areas of conflict and possible solutions, and also to know when differences of opinion are okay!

You have a good heart. You deserve to be in a loving relationship. I am rooting for you!
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Old August 17th, 2018, 04:18 PM
Jessspin01 Jessspin01 is offline
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Re: How to deal with insecurities in a new relationship after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Hi, Jesspin01,
I didn't reply yesterday because I have never been divorced. I am replyning now because I don't want you to think no one is listening.

As I said, I have never been divorced. My mother, however, went through 2 divorces, another ugly break up, and is now a widow. What I observed is that she brought her past hurts and insecurities into each new relationship, and so did the men.

I'd advise you to really take your time with a new relationship, and seriously consider therapy to both heal and learn how to manage insecurities. When you are ready to commit to a new relationship, you may even consider some pre-marriage counseling to facilitate good communication skills and identify potential areas of conflict and possible solutions, and also to know when differences of opinion are okay!

You have a good heart. You deserve to be in a loving relationship. I am rooting for you!
Hi Lucy,

Thanks for the reply. I didn't think of it, but marriage counseling before marriage is a great idea!! I am in therapy now; twice a month. We talk about all of this almost every session. I want this relationship to last because I really like him. So, I will do what it takes to make it work. Thank for saying such nice things. I really appreciate it. ♥
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Old August 29th, 2018, 12:57 PM
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Re: How to deal with insecurities in a new relationship after divorce

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Originally Posted by Jessspin01 View Post
Hi Lucy,

Thanks for the reply. I didn't think of it, but marriage counseling before marriage is a great idea!! I am in therapy now; twice a month. We talk about all of this almost every session. I want this relationship to last because I really like him. So, I will do what it takes to make it work. Thank for saying such nice things. I really appreciate it. ♥
Just reading this. Like Lucy, I've never been divorced. I am in ministry, my husband is in that vocation, and I can echo what Lucy said about bringing past relationship issues into the present relationship, I have seen that many times with people we counsel. I think you are wise to attend the therapy and work on things. Wish you the best.
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