Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > Other

Other A place to discuss any other family member or have general family discussions

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old February 26th, 2013, 05:33 PM
sashafierce sashafierce is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
sashafierce is on a distinguished road
I cant take this anymore

I am a 36 yr old mom of 3 kids. My 30 year old sister lives with me. She moved in last year after mom moved out of state. She has always lived with mom and mom always supported her until she moved with me. She said she would help with the kids and the house in exchange for staying here.

At the time she moved in she had no income. I pay for all of the bills including rent, utilities and food. She was receiving $200 a month to put towards food so it was some help. She applied for ssi and was approved. Now that she has income mom no longer gives her money. Her total income is now 600 a month. She doesnt contribute anything to the house. She doesnt help cook, clean or even help with the kids. If I go to the supermarket she doesnt even help carry the groceries up but she will eat the food. She leaves a mess everywhere. Does not take the garbage out etc. When she first came she was on her best behavior. She begged for a dog and i told her it was 100% her responsibility and she agreed.

Now the dog has chewed all of my furniture and what she didnt chew she went to the bathroom on. All my furniture was purchased 18 months ago. All of it minus the kitchen table and the kids bunk beds are now in the garbage along with most of their toys.

She refuses to contribute and refuses to replace anything the dog has damaged. She would go hang out and disappear one day and return the next night leaving me to care for the dog. She feeds the dog well but doesnt pay much attention to her. I love animals but between my own dog plus the children and My job i cant possibly physically or financially care for the dog. Now the dog seems to be getting a bit aggressive. She attacked my dog fornthe 3rd time. My dog wasnt seriously hurt. But he was limping for half a day. I think she bit his paw. This situation has taken its toll. Im at my breaking point. Theres alot more to the story so i will be posting more. Im sorry its long and windy but i needed to vent.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old February 26th, 2013, 08:00 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,171
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I cant take this anymore

Okay, it's too obvious to just say "kick her out" so do you want to explain why you can't?
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old February 26th, 2013, 08:00 PM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,867
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I cant take this anymore

Time to stop enabling sis


(hugs)
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old February 26th, 2013, 09:36 PM
sashafierce sashafierce is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
sashafierce is on a distinguished road
Re: I cant take this anymore

Idk if anyone here is from NY but Its very expensive to live here. The apartment i live in is rent stabilized and mom is the lease holder. Sis is moms little princess always has been always will be. Mom has enabled her from day one. She has used drugs nothing crazy just weed but still drugs, she has stolen from mom many times. She still can do no wrong in moms eyes. Out of five kids shes the only one like this and still mom treats her like a princess.

Bottom line if i kick sis out mom will turn in the apt therefore making myself and my kids homeless. Yes they are both that vindictive I havent even gotten to the part of my so called "mom". Thats another whole other topic. All of my income goes into the bills and whatever the kids need. So i dont have extra money to move plus another apartment will be like at least 500 extra a month. Something i cannot afford right now.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old February 26th, 2013, 10:13 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,171
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: I cant take this anymore

Wow. I'd be furious if my sister used drugs while living with me and my kids.

I wonder if your mom moved out partially because she didn't know what else to do to get away from your sister?

What about your other siblings? Can you get any help (moral support) from them?

I can't figure out any solution unless you can figure out a way to get your sister to contribute to the household. I don't see that as likely.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old February 26th, 2013, 10:39 PM
sashafierce sashafierce is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
sashafierce is on a distinguished road
Re: I cant take this anymore

She doesnt come near the kids when she smokes weed she stays out for the night. She knows i will rat her out the police. Thats one thing i will not allow near my children i would go to jail for beating the crap outta her before my kids are exposed to anything like that.

Mom remarried and her husband put up with it for two years and then decided to move out of state to get rid of the problem. Mom had no choice but to move as they are living on his pension and retirement benefits. He knew sis wouldnt follow because all of her friends are here. Plus where they moved theres is no dr who accepts her insurance. Lastly here in the city you can get anywhere you need to with public transportation but where they moved you need a car. He will not allow sis near his car. Its not easy to travel where they live therefore she cant get her weed or to her friends.

None of the other siblings will allow her to live with them. My one brother wont even allow her in his house. I cant move with them because there's simply no room. They have families of their own or simply no space. Its myself, my 3 boys plus our dog whos pretty big.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old February 27th, 2013, 07:33 AM
DadofFour DadofFour is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 28
DadofFour is on a distinguished road
Re: I cant take this anymore

Family or not.

Living with ANYONE outside of your direct family is VERY hard (even if they are PERFECT). It is very nice thing for you to do BUT I think you should've been a bit more clear about ground rules prior to her moving in. And took actions when things were falling apart. You let her have a dog too? You knew she was not responsible yet you allowed it?

Sounds like both you and your mother enabled her to be who she is.

Time to put your foot down and apply some tough love IMO. With 3 kids you have SO MUCH AND SOME to worry about, you don't need your sister's issues as well. She is a grown woman.

Cliff Notes: Kick her out FAST
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old February 27th, 2013, 10:40 AM
sashafierce sashafierce is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
sashafierce is on a distinguished road
Re: I cant take this anymore

There were definitely ground rules and she was abiding by them for like the first 3 months. She was very helpful and seemed like she changed. She talked about how she was becoming 30 and needed to get her life together. It seemed like she had gotten her act together and was really trying that is why i allowed her to get the dog. I was her only option as i had stated before no one else will allow her to move in with them. I thought that would be incentive enough to keep her in line. Like i said it only lasted 3 months. My guess is it was all an act to get her foot in the door. Once she was in she reverted back to her old ways.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old February 27th, 2013, 10:45 AM
DadofFour DadofFour is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 28
DadofFour is on a distinguished road
Re: I cant take this anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by sashafierce View Post
There were definitely ground rules and she was abiding by them for like the first 3 months. She was very helpful and seemed like she changed. She talked about how she was becoming 30 and needed to get her life together. It seemed like she had gotten her act together and was really trying that is why i allowed her to get the dog. I was her only option as i had stated before no one else will allow her to move in with them. I thought that would be incentive enough to keep her in line. Like i said it only lasted 3 months. My guess is it was all an act to get her foot in the door. Once she was in she reverted back to her old ways.
You should probably remind her about all of this.

She didn't stand the test of time. I'm actually surprised it lasted 3 months (one can say that's an accomplishment).

Personally, I always assume NO ONE will ever change and simply base my opinion/decision on the past/history.

Remind her about it > give her another chance and make it clear this is THE last chance and you won't have this discussion with her next time.

Unfortunately your relationship with her will be effected by you trying to be the good person and helping her out. I'm sure she will make you the bad guy too at some point.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old February 27th, 2013, 12:48 PM
longhairedgnome's Avatar
longhairedgnome longhairedgnome is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 149
longhairedgnome will become famous soon enough
Re: I cant take this anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by sashafierce View Post
Bottom line if i kick sis out mom will turn in the apt therefore making myself and my kids homeless. Yes they are both that vindictive.
If your mom really would turn the apartment in if you kick sis out then your only option to get away from her would be to move yourself and your kids somewhere else. I'm somewhat familiar with the rent control in NYC and how high other apts go for and understand how that just might be finacially impossible. Any chance of some kind of housing assistance?

As for her dog, if she's not caring for it or contributing funds for it's upkeep have you considered taking it to the humane society and surrendering it? Tell her if she's not going to take care of it or pay for the damages it's done she can't keep it there. Especially if it's becoming aggressive. That would at least eliminate one problem.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:44 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network