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Old December 29th, 2012, 08:51 AM
mitchcraft mitchcraft is offline
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Angry Secret Santa - Rule breaker

Hi new to the forum

This concerns parents, uncles, aunties and cousins

Some years ago we decided we would do secret santa for the adults in the family as the family has grown what with weddings, kids etc and it would juts cost far too much to buy everyone something.

We buy for immediate family still like Parents, sisters/brothers and grand parents and kids under 18

So the secret santa applies for everyone else like Uncles, aunties and cousins and the rule is that we all spend the same amount on each other.

The past few years 2 members of the family have been spending considerably less and in this years case we actually believe one of them never even bothered and it was left to his parents to get something for that person instead.

I will go in to full detail in fact to make it clearer to understand.

My cousin bought my dad a 3 bottle of wine while he would of received the proper priced gift of 25 from someone else. Now my dad went and got a really good gift for his secret santa by putting a lot of thought in to it and spending actually a little more so he could get it because he knew that person (my uncle) would love it so you can imagine how he felt when he received a crappy bottle of wine at the cost of about 3 or less possibly.

We now have came to the conclusion that he may not have even bought it though as we looked at the writing and it was the same as my aunties writing rather than my cousins so either he bought it and never bothered to wrap it up or he just did not bother buying something and my auntie and uncle were left to run out and get something last minute for my dad instead. Either way i feel so angry and at the same time sad that my dad put so much effort in to his secret santa gift.

My cousins brother has done the same over the past few years also, i got a game worth 4 2 years ago and this year a deodorant set worth about 5

I am so angry at them i honestly feel like calling them out on it but my parents say not to as it will cause a rift possibly and instead we have these 2 options

option1: We just pull out of the secret santa from now on

Well that is ok but i liked getting a secret santa gift every year, it is something nice to look forward to when you get from someone sticking to the rules.

option2: We ask everyone next year if they still want to be part and hope if those 2 truly cant be bothered to stick to the rules they pull out.

Now our thoughts on this are that they know they are getting a good deal by paying for cheap crap and receiving great gifts in return so why would they want to pull out?

Now here is my opinion and idea that i put forward ...

We do the secret santa names in the hat next year and rig it so that both me and my dad have to get them their gifts and get them some rubbish 3 bottle of wine each to teach them a lesson

What would you do if this happened to?

And remember they have been doing this to others not just us this year.
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Old December 29th, 2012, 09:04 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Secret Santa - Rule breaker

Welcome mitchcraft.

I like your option 2 - give everyone a choice to participate or not. If your cousins choose to participate, I wouldn't rig it so that you and your dad could exact revenge - I'd rig it so that they got each other and no one else would be subjected to them.
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Old December 29th, 2012, 09:08 AM
mitchcraft mitchcraft is offline
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Thumbs up Re: Secret Santa - Rule breaker

Ah now that i never thought of.

That could work indeed until they get suspicious 3 years later that they both keep getting each other lol
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Old December 29th, 2012, 09:21 AM
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Re: Secret Santa - Rule breaker

my ex's family did the adults draw names & it always worked, now DH's family does it & it seems to work (& not everyone does it)

I like letting the two short changers get each other .... but I also wonder if they don't want to participate, but if their parents make them/put thier names in
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Old December 29th, 2012, 09:23 AM
mitchcraft mitchcraft is offline
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Re: Secret Santa - Rule breaker

Hmm i don't think that would be the case as they have both left home and live with their GF's now
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Old December 29th, 2012, 09:29 AM
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Re: Secret Santa - Rule breaker

snort .... you've obviously never had mom say ... "but you have to do _____" or "if you don't do ____, you're/you'll look selfish"

- find out from them directly, if they still want to do this

don't get me wrong, I love my ex MIL - she wasn't perfect (but who is), but she still tried to tell ex DH how to cut his hair, etc....

there are just some mom's who don't let go .... snerk, years ago the grandfather of one of DS's scout friends told me that his mom (the great grandmother) was still telling him (grandpa) how to cut his hair
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Old December 29th, 2012, 12:28 PM
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Re: Secret Santa - Rule breaker

We do this too - although it is a draw, and you have to say who the gift is from - and like you, we have the person who would buy the cheapest thing she could. My husband, daughter, or i organise the draw, and we used to make sure one of us got her. (It's my mother who is the problem, and it had got so bad it was embarrassing opening her gift). I had a chat to her about it a couple of years ago, and she really hadn't understood the point that

A. You think about the person and what you know about them, and get them something you think they will LIKE, and

B. You try and spend up to the MAXIMUM and if possible get something for sale on a really good special so that they receive something really nice.

She's been heaps better since then, and we've been spreading the love a bit. I would strongly recommend you talk to them and find out whether they understand the whole point too.
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