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Old October 14th, 2012, 12:09 AM
mlperryman mlperryman is offline
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Disowned For Taking Out Charges On My Sister

I really hope I'm writing this in the right forum. I need some major advice right now. First off, I'm a mother of 3 beautiful children and also a wife to a wonderful who has 2 children. Our children are great, it's my family that's not. My family and I have always been very close. So close, that my husband and I built a house right next door to them. We've had our ups and downs throughout the years, but that's normal. The more serious problems started about two months ago. My younger sister accused our father of sexually abusing her (she said this to my younger brothers while drunk). My mom found out and everyone began treating my dad differently. Everyone but me. I never believed he did it and finally told him what he was being accused of behind his back. My sister also has serious anger issues and in my opinion, verbally and physically abuses her own children. My dad called together a "family meeting". My dad, mom, and siblings (no spouses or children) all sit around the table and discussed issues we had with one another, including the alledged sexual assault. I told my sister that the only problem I had with anyone was how she had slapped my son across the face one day and to never put her hands on any of my children again.


For several weeks, things seemed to get better with my family. My sister said she "didn't remember" accusing my dad of molesting her and that it was probably just something she said due to being drunk. Everything has been fine up until a week ago. Everyone was at my parents house for lunch. My sister got mad at her 6 year old daughter and busted a plastic plate over her head. Everyone was in shock, but no one said anything because it would've lead to a huge fight. That evening, she became angry ay my 3 year old son because he was accidentally slamming her son's hand in the door. She jumped up, yanked my son by the arm (leaving a bruise), and began spanking him violently. I couldn't get up in time to stop it because it happend that fast. It took all I had not to punch her right in the face. Why didn't I? Because I work in law enforcement and really can't afford to get a criminal charge and lose my job for hitting someone. So, I took my children and left. After talking to my husband (also a law enforcement officer), we agreed that we should do the legal thing. We had a warrant taken out on her Assault On A Child.


Since the papers were served, my family has disowned me. They all say I "took it too far". My own mother threatened to hire an attorney and attempt to get custody of my children. My sister threatened to make sure I "got fired" from job. They are even willing to stand up in court for her and say "it wasn't that bad", even though they did not see it. I did have two brothers that saw it and thought it was just as wrong as I did. I love my family so I agreed to a family discussion about the matter. I told my sister that if she would agree to get help for her anger problems, I would try to get the charge dropped. Yes, my child was assaulted and she should pay for that, but her children are abused and I feel that is way worse.


Here is the problem now. Even though I tried doing the civil thing, they are still all treating me terribly. My dad and sister won't talk to me and my mom keeps trying to defend what my sister did. They have since turned other extended family members against me, they talk bad about me to anyone who will listen. I just feel like crawling in a hole somewhere. I know for 100% I did the right thing by taking out the charge on her, but I'm starting to wonder if I try to get her the help she needs in court or just get justice for my son's assault. If I push the charges, DSS will be notified about the way she treats her children.
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Old October 14th, 2012, 08:22 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Disowned For Taking Out Charges On My Sister

Keep doing what you are doing. You need to protect her children. It's too bad that your family doesn't feel that way. I wouldn't push for the "justice" for your child; what she did was awful but it probably didn't scar him for life. Just keep her away from your kids from now on. Anyone who criticizes you needs to be told "She needs help and enabling her won't get her the help." and "Her kids need to be protected from her anger issues." No one can argue with that. Let your mother waste her money hiring an attorney. She will not be successful, and the more "failures" they have at their attempts at revenge, the more likely it will be that other people will stop siding with them.

I'm not sure about the law and the ethics, but if you work in law enforcement, aren't you a required reporter? Meaning if you witness abuse you need to report it?

I'm proud of you. It takes a lot of guts to give up so much to do the right thing.
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Old October 14th, 2012, 11:38 AM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Disowned For Taking Out Charges On My Sister

(((hugs)))


FWIW I think you did the right thing.
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Old October 14th, 2012, 06:25 PM
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Re: Disowned For Taking Out Charges On My Sister

Good on you for doing the right thing. - Sending moral support your way. (I'm sure none of your colleagues would think you took it too far either.)
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Old October 15th, 2012, 03:23 PM
jennsf9 jennsf9 is offline
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Re: Disowned For Taking Out Charges On My Sister

Keep up what you are doing, it sounds like you are going with your gut instinct and while it might not make sense to others now, it will eventually.

Last edited by KayKay; October 15th, 2012 at 03:45 PM. Reason: remove advertising
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Old October 15th, 2012, 03:47 PM
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Re: Disowned For Taking Out Charges On My Sister

Sorry jennsf9, but we have a strict "no advertising" policy here. I edited your post to remove the advertising. You may want to familiarize yourself with our forum rules which can be found here: http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com...aq_forum_rules
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Old October 29th, 2012, 09:48 PM
JoanMary JoanMary is offline
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Re: Disowned For Taking Out Charges On My Sister

Yes, you did the right thing. I think that you know it too.

Your family of origin has some big issues. Abuse, secrets, triangulation, and manipulation. Now that you are on the outs it feels even worse and leaves you scared. I would suggest some counciling to figure out why you feel like you want back into this circle of pain and to learn how to stand tall against the pressure to rejoin their dysfunctional ways.

I am not casting rocks - look up dysfunctional in the dictionary and there is a full page color ad with my family. But learned that I didn't CREATE it, I can't CONTROL it and I can't CURE it.
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