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  #21  
Old March 6th, 2012, 10:40 AM
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Re: bad step-mom

Oops - I just noticed that some of the common ones aren't on there!

DS = dear son
DD = dear daughter (or sometime dear dad)
DM = dear mother
DF = dear father
GM = grandmother
GF = grandfather
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  #22  
Old October 22nd, 2012, 04:28 PM
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Re: bad step-mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cremebrulee View Post
I totally agree with this...adding, that your husband is a very lucky man to have married a woman who cares so much about his daughter, but, until he takes ownership...there will be more heartache...he has stuck his head in the sand and refuses to be a parent....can you get him into counciling?
Yanno Snafu, someday this girl is going to grow into a woman and be so thankful for you...

and I'd like to add, perhaps saying nothing will for her, turn things around....?

Do you think she has feelings? What I'm asking you is, that sometimes when children go through a dysfuncational childhood, they learn to adapt by turning their feelings off? They become narcissistic...
Do you think this has happened to your step daughter, or, do you think she feels guilt for her wrong doing. The fact that you said she lies...scares me into thinking that she may even believe her own lies?

Great insight to the problem. My kids (bio and step) are now grown up but we went thru similar grief when they were teens. In hindsight the real problem was that my DH and I were not on the same page at the time - even after seeing a nationally known counselor!

Eventually, I learned to live by the term "healthy selfish". It is all about learning to take care of your needs first and setting healthy boundaries with those children (and DH) who will not be respectful of you. It allows you to remain sane and not get sucked into their drama and manipulation.

BTW, the counselor was a big advocate of the bio parent taking the lead and the step parent being there for support. I had to take 3 giant steps back with my DSD's (teenagers) and it left a giant hole in their lives. At first it looked like I was abandoning my DSD's or playing favorites as I did not change my relationship with my DD or DS. In reality it created a situation where my DH could fill the void with his kids (or not) instead of leaving it to me. It also gave my DSD's the opportunity to have real consequences from their poor relationship choices. I was no longer going to be their doormat for lies or manipulation.

Best of all, once you have healthy boundaries - you are much happier to interact with all the kids.
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  #23  
Old November 17th, 2012, 08:30 AM
Freek Freek is offline
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Re: bad step-mom

If the behavior of your step mother is bad with you which hurts you. Then you just need to be patient and bave well with your step mother and not to claim anthing about their behavior. She will surly think about her behavior with the passage of time, and will try to change it.
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  #24  
Old November 17th, 2012, 08:43 AM
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Re: bad step-mom

Did you read the thread?

(1) This thread is over 3 years old. The OP's stepdaughter has moved out for college.
(2) This thread is abuot being the stepmother, not about having a stepmother.

I'm not sure how many people just think about their behavior with the passage of time and try to change it.
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  #25  
Old March 30th, 2014, 09:09 AM
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Re: bad step-mom

Things are improving, little by little
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  #26  
Old August 9th, 2014, 01:50 PM
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Re: bad step-mom

yanno snafu, I'm so glad things are better....it must be very difficult raising a girl, especially back in 2009 when you wrote this....but honestly, I believe once she has her own children, she will realize, what you did for her....and BTW, I don't believe for one minute that you are a bad step mom.

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  #27  
Old August 11th, 2014, 07:43 AM
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Re: bad step-mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by JoanMary View Post
Great insight to the problem. My kids (bio and step) are now grown up but we went thru similar grief when they were teens. In hindsight the real problem was that my DH and I were not on the same page at the time - even after seeing a nationally known counselor!

Eventually, I learned to live by the term "healthy selfish". It is all about learning to take care of your needs first and setting healthy boundaries with those children (and DH) who will not be respectful of you. It allows you to remain sane and not get sucked into their drama and manipulation.

BTW, the counselor was a big advocate of the bio parent taking the lead and the step parent being there for support. I had to take 3 giant steps back with my DSD's (teenagers) and it left a giant hole in their lives. At first it looked like I was abandoning my DSD's or playing favorites as I did not change my relationship with my DD or DS. In reality it created a situation where my DH could fill the void with his kids (or not) instead of leaving it to me. It also gave my DSD's the opportunity to have real consequences from their poor relationship choices. I was no longer going to be their doormat for lies or manipulation.

Best of all, once you have healthy boundaries - you are much happier to interact with all the kids.
boy oh boy, I wish my son's step mom would think like you....
great post and healthy thoughts....thank you
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  #28  
Old August 11th, 2014, 07:51 AM
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Re: bad step-mom

so sorry I posted in the wrong thread.

Last edited by Cremebrulee; August 11th, 2014 at 07:57 AM.
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  #29  
Old October 3rd, 2014, 05:43 PM
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Re: bad step-mom



DSD has been stressed working and going to school .... so I sent her a care package ..... bath stuff from a store that's NOT in her area ... it rhymes with crush (and she Loves it).

she was really happy to get it



( I just looked back at when I started this thread ... 5 years ago !!!)
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  #30  
Old October 8th, 2014, 04:57 AM
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Re: bad step-mom

I bet it's kinda fun, looking back and reflecting.... or not?
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