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Old June 25th, 2018, 08:21 AM
Mr Eko Mr Eko is offline
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Is it normal for an ex-wife and a new wife to bond?

I am currently witnessing a situation the likes of which I have NEVER seen before. In fact, not even an online search yields any results, and that is really saying something. Basically, my brother's ex-wife and his new wife are friends. Like really really good friends. They did not know one another previously or anything like that. This friendship has happened ever since my brother married his present wife. Now, my brother did know his new wife while he was still married to his ex-wife. He swears up and down, left and right that they were not involved. But, I think that that is not true in the least. I think he was seeing her. But, that's just my gut feeling. Anyway, it's just weird to me that his his ex-wife and his present wife have bonded like this. I have never even heard of such a thing. My brother is very nonchalant about it. I don't think he is wild about the idea, but he isn't exactly objecting to it either. I would be a nervous wreck if I were him. His ex-wife has a TON of dirt on him. His abusiveness being just one of the many things that destroyed that marriage. Yet he does not worry about them ever discussing that.

In fact, he does not worry about anything. He thinks that it's normal. My brother and his ex-wife do have kids and so some contact is still necessary. But that's just it. It should be my brother and her in contact, and even then it should be more like a business arrangement. This deal where her and my brother's new wife have bonded and have become gal pals is just strange to me, and that is putting it lightly. Curiosity got the better of me, so recently I asked my now ex-sister-in-law about it at my oldest niece's birthday party. One answer I got was "well, we are living in a different time now, so it's very normal for ex spouses and new spouses to become good friends". I completely disagree. That is not normal at all. She also gave a very superficial answer. She said said "well, you know, I don't have friends anymore. The only people I knew were couple friends that your brother and I knew, and when we got divorced, they quit talking to me. So she's really the only friend I have". I just shook my head.

I asked her if it ever felt weird at any point in time, hanging out with this woman who now lives in her old house, cooks in her old kitchen using her old utensils, sleeping in her old bed with her former husband. She didn't even have to think about it. She just said "no, it's not weird to me at all". I then got a little nosy and asked if they ever discussed and/or compared the two marriages to my brother and she said yes. She said that she has told my brother's new wife that her marriage to my brother was great. He was the best husband and father that anyone could have asked for and he is the love of her life. I was absolutely speechless. I then said "well, if that was the case (which we both know it most certainly was not), then why on earth did you leave?? Why aren't you still there??" Her reply was "well, because, ultimately the marriage just did not work out". Ok, but, WHY did the marriage just "not work out".

At any rate, I am just baffled. This kind of thing isn't normal, is it? Am I totally missing something? Are ex-spouses and new spouses really bonding now? I personally don't like it one bit because it is sending a really bad message to my nieces. They see the three of them together and think that it's perfectly acceptable to play spouse swap. I think that this is screwing them up. My mother fears that they have some type of three way thing going. I don't think that is the case yet, but it is probably headed that way. And my brother's new wife thinks that his ex-wife is "good as gold". She doesn't stop and think that both of them can't be these awesome people. Their marriage imploded, so someone had to have done something wrong. Or, she probably just doesn't want to know. It's crazy. Anyway, any thoughts on this?
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