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Old March 20th, 2017, 11:11 AM
Mlaboy0109 Mlaboy0109 is offline
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I really hate my father in law

He Is Living With Us OMG, my house isn't my own any longer; He is at my table eating my food, in my living room sitting in my sunshine, in my family watching my big-screen TV (sports-turned up to full volume). Also, he is such a racist. Talks down women, blacks, Hispanics, and anyone else who isn't a white male.
Tried talking to my husband about what to do with his dad...no plans...doesn't want to deal with it...the family won't get together to discuss...no one really wants him living with them..and he is too cheap to get a place of his own... I am really considering getting my own place.
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Old March 20th, 2017, 11:58 AM
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Re: I really hate my father in law

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Originally Posted by Mlaboy0109 View Post
I am really considering getting my own place.
If you are serious about this, think it all the way through; don't go on just a whim. Be prepared to be divorced and support yourself.

Did your husband consult you before his father moved in?
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Old March 20th, 2017, 04:13 PM
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Re: I really hate my father in law

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Originally Posted by Mlaboy0109 View Post
He is at my table eating my food, in my living room sitting in my sunshine, in my family watching my big-screen TV (sports-turned up to full volume). Also, he is such a racist. Talks down women, blacks, Hispanics, and anyone else who isn't a white male.
What does your husband do when he does all of this? And does your father-in-law pay room and board? He needs to!

With the assumption that you can't kick him out, is there another way to approach the situation to save your sanity? Do you have any way to expand your house a little bit? Maybe put a mother-in-law's suite out in the back yard or convert the garage into living quarters so he (and you) have your own space?
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Old March 20th, 2017, 09:05 PM
Mlaboy0109 Mlaboy0109 is offline
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Re: I really hate my father in law

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
If you are serious about this, think it all the way through; don't go on just a whim. Be prepared to be divorced and support yourself.

Did your husband consult you before his father moved in?
I truly love my husband but I love myself more and right now I'm really unhappy. Actualy I can live by my own the ones that needs my support are my husband and my fil. I haven't decided anything else because I don't want a divorce but I am so overwhelmed I really don't know what to do.
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Old March 20th, 2017, 09:08 PM
Mlaboy0109 Mlaboy0109 is offline
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Re: I really hate my father in law

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
What does your husband do when he does all of this? And does your father-in-law pay room and board? He needs to!

With the assumption that you can't kick him out, is there another way to approach the situation to save your sanity? Do you have any way to expand your house a little bit? Maybe put a mother-in-law's suite out in the back yard or convert the garage into living quarters so he (and you) have your own space?
I can't kick him out because he is homeless. We have an apartment so maybe we can rent our apartment and move to a bigger house. Thanks for the idea.
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Old March 20th, 2017, 11:43 PM
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Re: I really hate my father in law

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Originally Posted by Mlaboy0109 View Post
I can't kick him out because he is homeless. We have an apartment so maybe we can rent our apartment and move to a bigger house. Thanks for the idea.
It might be a good solution for now. The thing I'm worried about is how it affects your future, because moving to a bigger house makes dealing with the problem easier, but it doesn't remove the problem. The problem is that your husband and his siblings want to put their head in the sand and the burden falls on you.

If he is homeless, is he eligible for any social services?
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Old March 21st, 2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: I really hate my father in law

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mlaboy0109 View Post
I truly love my husband but I love myself more and right now I'm really unhappy. Actualy I can live by my own the ones that needs my support are my husband and my fil. I haven't decided anything else because I don't want a divorce but I am so overwhelmed I really don't know what to do.
Good, you know you don't want a divorce. Leaving your husband and FIL is probably not your best option, then.

Since you have the "power of the purse," you have more authority than you think. You don't have to accept that FIL's homelessness as a marital issue; you can instead talk with your husband and make a plan to move FIL from homelessness into some kind of housing-- but not YOUR house.

What is the root cause of FIL's homelessness? Does he need a job? Does he need mental health treatment? Drug intervention? How can that best be addressed? Be patient with your DH as you have this discussion and listen to him, too. When you and DH are on the same page with a plan to assist FIL with getting his own independence, then you sit down with FIL and go through the same process, getting his input on the best plan for himself.

Everyone is not going to be happy with this approach. So what? It isn't your job to make FIL or your ILs happy. It's your job to help your DH cope with his challenges in the healthiest way possible.
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Old March 21st, 2017, 11:39 AM
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Re: I really hate my father in law

I really have a problem with a full grown adult man who does not want to take care of himself and live on his own. I am not including elderly men who are disabled into this category.

No... Your husband HAS to deal with this situation. He cannot say "I don't want to deal with it." This is his father and he needs to give his dad his 30 day notice.

Your husband needs to grown a nut.
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Old March 21st, 2017, 11:52 AM
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Re: I really hate my father in law

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Originally Posted by Mlaboy0109 View Post
I can't kick him out because he is homeless. We have an apartment so maybe we can rent our apartment and move to a bigger house. Thanks for the idea.
He's homeless because of his own accord. You stated that he was to cheap to get a place of his own. I'll tell you what... You would be surprised how industrious people can get when they are faced with homelessness.

I'm not trying to sound or be mean... What you're going through is just not right. That's your home, you pay the bills, clean, cook, wash his clothes... Whatever... He's a full grown man and he can take care of himself.

Personally, I don't know why he doesn't want to anyway. One of the easiest things on this planet is taking care of just yourself.
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Old March 22nd, 2017, 02:29 PM
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Re: I really hate my father in law

LAY DOWN THE RULES OF THE HOUSE!

Any where this man ends up THERE WILL BE RULES. Even if HE decides to rent/own. ( There's always rules! )

And your husband MUST support you on this.


During the day have odd jobs he can take care of: cleaning bathroom, sweeping, etc etc etc. What has he done to find work? No ONE RIDES FOR FREE, as they say.

TV/Lights OUT at ?:00 NO EXCEPTIONS. No smoking, no drugs, no etc etc


Stuff like that.

Best of luck to you. I hope it all works out, soon. This could get really really bad. Especially if your husband doesn't want to deal.
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