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  #1  
Old March 19th, 2017, 02:52 PM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Is it unreasonable....

to expect the ex to purchase a suit for the ODS for one's forthcoming wedding when the younger two children are provided for.

Is it also unreasonable to expect if the three children are brought to the wedding venue by oneself the night before the big day that the ex makes a 200 mile return journey to collect them on the morning following the wedding?

Is it unreasonable to expect the ex also to pay the travel costs for collection of the children which would be in excess of £100. There are also four other family members attending from the home town of the children. But they are all going in one car.
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  #2  
Old March 19th, 2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

It is not unreasonable to expect your son's father to buy his son a suit for his wedding.

It is not unreasonable to expect ex to arrange transportation both ways so his children can attend the wedding. And it isn't unreasonable to expect him to pay the costs of transportation, either.

These are his children. If he can't/won't provide for them to attend the wedding, what is he going to do during the marriage?
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Old March 19th, 2017, 09:12 PM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

*speechless*



Anns, please tell me that you're messing with me and this is hypothetical?
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Old March 20th, 2017, 12:52 AM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
*speechless*



Anns, please tell me that you're messing with me and this is hypothetical?
I seemed confused
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  #5  
Old March 20th, 2017, 01:26 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

No KayKay it's very real. 😔

My ex wants the kids at his wedding and whilst the younger two are part of the Wedding party (ODS didn't want to be nor did he want to attend, I encouraged him to) I am expected to purchase a suit for him.

The chosen venue is closer to ex fiancée home town and over a hundred miles a way from us. He spent the first few months asking what was happening about getting the kids to the wedding. I lather rinsed and repeated it was up to him. They were his plans. Then he said that he guessed his family would need to take two cars to the wedding then. I said I guess so.

About three weeks ago he told DD via message that she needed to ask me to pick the children up from the venue /train station the day after the wedding as he was going on his honeymoon. He would be collecting the children the day before the wedding. DD said she thought his mum was going to take them there and back and he replied that his family are all going in one car.

I asked DD to asK Daddy to talk to me directly. Which he did yesterday on dropping the children back. He blew up when I said again that this was his wedding, his plans, and he wants the children there. I will not be paying towards ODS attire. Nor will I be making a 200 mile return journey to collect the children and pay £120 for the privilege of doing so. He has family locally that can take them to and from the venue. He wouldn't let me get as far as to suggest that one of the adults returning to our hometown from the shared car could perhaps accompany the children home on the train instead.

I asked him if he would re-imburse me the cost and he snapped that's what he pays child support for!

He said I can't control his life and I don't tell him what to do he tells me! 🙄

He said you WILL do this and I restated that I won't before he stormed off. I'm not preventing his kids being there. There are many alternative solutions to him getting then home safely without involving me or taking food out of my kids mouths to do so.

I've prepared DD for that fact that Daddy may decide not to have them and therefore she may not get to be bridesmaid since she heard everything. She said that would be his fault.
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Last edited by Annsdil; March 20th, 2017 at 01:29 AM.
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  #6  
Old March 20th, 2017, 04:45 AM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

I'm glad you prepared DD for the possibility that she may not be attending. You are under no obligation to help him with the problem he created. It isn't healthy for your children to be treated as objects, to be dropped off and picked up, at his whim so he can use them as ornaments at his wedding.

Child support is not for his wedding; it's for his children's well-being.

Quote:
He said I can't control his life and I don't tell him what to do he tells me!
This is the deal-breaker comment for me. I don't think I'd trust him to return them properly now. I'd be very afraid that, if he arranged to get them there, he'd call you and expect you to collect them because "he tells you."

I'm very sorry.
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Old March 20th, 2017, 05:01 AM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

I've already set up a contingency to some effect in case that happens Lucy. I would need to let that happen unfortunately, but I would ensure their safety. He may well have taken up enough rope by this time that he completely blows it if he chooses to go that route.
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  #8  
Old March 20th, 2017, 05:06 AM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
I've already set up a contingency to some effect in case that happens Lucy. I would need to let that happen unfortunately, but I would ensure their safety. He may well have taken up enough rope by this time that he completely blows it if he chooses to go that route.
You have nerves of steel!
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Old March 20th, 2017, 09:40 AM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

Oh my gosh, Annsdil. I'm so sorry. Honestly, I'm like lovegd. I read and reread your post about 5 times confused about what was going on because THAT is how unreasonable it is.

I would let ODS decide if he wants to go or not, unless you feel more comfortable with him being there for your younger children. And I would most certainly not purchase a suit for him. Your ex does not adequately support his children; but he doesn't want his wedding guests to see that.

Stay strong. His family should take two cars. The fact that they won't is HIS problem, not yours.

The fact that you maintained your composure in front of your ex when he was being that way makes you a far better person that I'll ever be.
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  #10  
Old March 20th, 2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: Is it unreasonable....

Thanks KayKay. I asked why ODS didn't want to go and he'd said because he didn't want it to happen. I said with our without him there it was going to happen. I persuaded ODS to go because whether it went ok or not if he didn't go then it would be a life experience that his younger siblings would share and he would never be a part of. I didn't want such an event to not be shared between all three of them for good or bad. Whilst I also think they all need to be able to support each other, especially as I don't know whose care they'll be under as legally it should be their dad's, I didn't bring that up with him. On the basis of not missing out on a shared experience he agreed to go.

After his dad stormed off and I'd shut the door he gave me a wry smile and said "I guess we're not going to the Wedding then? " I replied it was up to his dad.
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