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Old March 14th, 2017, 07:05 PM
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Trying not to pout

I have a long-time friend. We met 21 years ago when we were neighbors in an apartment complex. She is a wonderful, generous, loving, always smiling extrovert and has a really magnetic personality. Everyone loves her; she is one of those "live life to the fullest" types and becomes fast friends with everyone she meets practically. She and her DH moved into a house, then eventually DH and I moved cities and she and her DH moved to another state. We have kept in touch and our families have visited each other a few times. It's one of those friendships where you can not talk for months and then pick up right where you left off. I don't know how she tolerates boring ol' introvert me, but she always has the ability to build me up and admire things about me that I don't admire about myself.

She has recently started a new job. The headquarters for her employer is in a town about 1.5 hours away, so she has been travelling there frequently in the last couple of months. About a week ago she texted me with exciting news - she was going to be in my town (with a group) for work for four days this week/weekend. She was staying one day longer than her coworkers and asked if she could stay with me overnight. I told her she could, but my house was mid-renovation (we're having a couple of projects done) so it would be a mess and she'd have to "love me anyway."

A couple of days after that, she texted me that her company was going to put her up in the hotel for another night, but she wanted to hang out with me and DH her last night here, and even wondered if we were free the night before as well. I told her of course, I'd be excited to see her.

We have been texting back and forth - her looking for recommendations and me giving them. This evening I got a text from her that a DIFFERENT friend of hers (I don't know; I may have met her but don't remember her) is going to drive in her last night here and spend the night with her. She said I was welcome to join them, then she said how incredibly busy she is going to be and she has no idea what her schedule is, but she hoped to see me and DH while she was here.

I'm pouting. I understand how she is - if she's within a 150 mile radius, she has people who love her so much that they'll come see her. And I don't know her friend's situation... it sounds like she's coming alone so it's possible she needs "girl time" with my friend more than I do. I'm just so disappointed. I was really looking forward to having her here.
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Old March 14th, 2017, 07:17 PM
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Re: Trying not to pout

I am sorry. You have reason to pout. It's funny because my BFF is very much the extrovert, and she often ditches me because there are so many other people who demand her time, too, and we just have totally different lifestyles. I've come to accept it I joke that we aren't monogamous BFFs, we have an open relationship.

What really maintains the friendship is that I know without a doubt, when I really need her, she's there. And I'm there for her if she needs it, too.

But I still pout.
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Old March 14th, 2017, 08:17 PM
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Re: Trying not to pout

Yes, that's exactly what I know too, Lucy. If I really needed my friend, she'd be there.

I'm thinking maybe I need to put on my big girl panties and offer to take her and her other friend out to dinner. I kind of have a feeling that'll be the only way I get to see her.
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Old March 15th, 2017, 06:15 AM
BethanyB1983 BethanyB1983 is offline
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Re: Trying not to pout

I have a friend like this too. She is a professor at Johns Hopkins so when I can see her, it might be once every two months on some random Tuesday...but it's worth it.

I think dinner with your friend and her other friend sounds lovely. You might also really enjoy the company of her friend and make a new friend in the process.

Best of luck - I know it can be hard and requires you to be quite fluid with plans, but it sounds as if you'd be sad if you didn't see her at all.
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Old March 15th, 2017, 09:22 AM
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Re: Trying not to pout

Thanks Bethany.

I did offer to take her and her friend out to dinner Saturday. She has gone from "you'd be welcome to join us" to "I'll probably be so tired!" so I guess that is a no.

I'm just going to will myself to be patient and remember that sometimes text messages don't come across the way they are intended. Maybe I took them in a more negative manner than she sent them. My guess is after 3 days being with her co-workers 24/7 she'll be contacting me at least for ideas of places to go/things to do.
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Old March 16th, 2017, 06:42 PM
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Re: Trying not to pout

Well, on the plus side (?) Facebook is letting me know she's really enjoying herself doing all of the fun things I recommended or planned to do with her.

I did something that I thought was a good idea at the time, but now am thinking may not have been. I put together a cute little gift basket of a nice bottle of her favorite type of wine and some snack foods (with plastic wine glasses and napkins, LOL) with a "Welcome to town!" tag and left it at the front desk of her hotel for her. (She isn't staying in a place with room service or a mini-bar). Now, after seeing the fun pictures she is tagged in on FB, I'm starting to worry that may come across as needy or stalkerish.
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Old March 17th, 2017, 03:54 AM
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Re: Trying not to pout

The gift basket was a nice idea! But saying "I saw you on FB" would come off as stalkerish.

I am really sorry. That stings. That's one of the downsides of FB.
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Old March 17th, 2017, 08:41 AM
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Re: Trying not to pout

Oh, I didn't say anything about seeing her on FB. I kept that to myself and came here to whine, and when she sent me one of the pictures I was enthusiastic and happy she enjoyed it.

She did text me (fairly late in the evening, when she got back to her hotel) a thank you for the gift basket. She really liked it, and also told me how great my recommendations turned out. She is responsible for entertaining her co-workers and she said I made her look good. And I kept in the forefront of my mind that part of her job is (literally) to make working at the company fun (she trains people). So that helped me feel better.

We're going to try to get together for dinner tonight.
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Old March 17th, 2017, 09:17 AM
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Re: Trying not to pout

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
it.

She did text me (fairly late in the evening, when she got back to her hotel) a thank you for the gift basket. She really liked it, and also told me how great my recommendations turned out. She is responsible for entertaining her co-workers and she said I made her look good. And I kept in the forefront of my mind that part of her job is (literally) to make working at the company fun (she trains people). So that helped me feel better.
Yes! See, that's what I don't like about FB-- we see pictures, but they don't tell the whole story. So she's entertaining, and you proved you are a great friend by serving her needs! She will always remember that.

Quote:
We're going to try to get together for dinner tonight.
I hope you have a good time.
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Old March 19th, 2017, 10:26 AM
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Re: Trying not to pout

She did end up making time for me. DH and I took her to dinner Friday night and we had a nice visit for a couple of hours. She was exhausted then - I can't imagine how tired she was after working all day Saturday. It turns out that another friend came in to town to visit with her and the first friend. It's a good thing she's an extrovert. LOL.

Of course the pictures are popping up on FB, but I don't mind this time because at least I got to see her. I know that I'm the reason she knew to go to those fun places with her other friends and I'm glad she enjoyed them.
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