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Old July 21st, 2018, 09:09 PM
lilly210 lilly210 is offline
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weird friendship situation

Hi everyone-

I've been having this ongoing internal conflicted for awhile. Many years and really hasn't gone away. I have a close friend currently, name 'Mary' and for many years she's been courting me to be her best friend. I don't know why the label is so important. Maybe she wants something stable and is territorial? I don't know.

I'm really not hot with the label 'best-friend'. Had one and she totally screwed me and never paid me back and we were best friends for 10+ years. Gone through thick and thin with 'Sandra'. Now, nowhere to be seen. I felt like we were going on separate paths at the end.

I wanted to enjoy my friendship with Mary. Told her that I'm wasn't ready to be best-friends with anyone yet. However, it just seems like there's this expectation that she has and I'm not ready for it. Ever since Sandra has been out of my life, I feel like she's been pushing herself into my life. It's almost forced and it feels uncomfortable.

On top of that, she feels that I can be her 'best-friend' but my she is not best-friend quality to me. It sounds mean but I'm just being honest. I'm there for her. But it's not reciprocated at times. I feel guilty because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

I'm very close to my family and don't really require a lot of friendship outside just because there's always something going on. I get a lot of support from them. She once told me she's jealous of my family. She doesn't want to hear anything about them. After that, I took a few steps back.

I can't be straight forward with her because she can't take it sometimes. We're in our late 30s. I mean, come on.....

I'm really in a weird situation.

Any suggestions on what to do? or not to do?
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Old July 21st, 2018, 09:48 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: weird friendship situation

Late 30's and she acts like this? Wow. If this is how she acts when you have never given her an indication that you wanted to put that "Best Friend" label on her, imagine how territorial she would be if she was your Official Best Friend? Oh my.

Um, I really don't have any good suggestions except to just keep that step back. You can tell her that your husband is your best friend, you can tell her that your mom/sister/aunt is your best friend, but just let her know (in that type of manner) that the position has been filled.

When she tries doing "best friend" things (like taking you to lunch for your birthday), already have commitments with someone else. And don't do best friend things for her. If she brings it up again, tell her that you like having a lot of friends and don't understand the need for a label. Tell her that you feel too old for that now.
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Old July 22nd, 2018, 04:50 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: weird friendship situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Late 30's and she acts like this?
Seriously! I have some "best friends" but we have been "best friends" since high school. That's when we used the label, not now that we're all grown up. That's very immature.

Friend relationships are very much like dating. In this case, if the person doesn't like the "friendzone" and insists on something deeper, you may need to just move on.
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Old July 22nd, 2018, 03:37 PM
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PeeWeeMomOf3 PeeWeeMomOf3 is offline
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Re: weird friendship situation

I agree with the step back advice. Her need to push you to define 'best friend' status, when you are putting forth some kind clear reluctance, coupled with her not being able to be counted upon for friendship things that are important to you shows a clear incompatibility.
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